Cobwebs from an Empty Skull - Ambrose Bierce

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made known his intention. The consequence was they met, with considerable emphasis, about four feet from the edge of the path, and went through a flight of soaring eagles, a mile out of their way![A]

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      A stone which had lain for centuries in a hidden place complained to Allah that remaining so long in one position was productive of cramps.

      "If thou wouldst be pleased," it said, "to let me take a little exercise now and then, my health would be the better for it."

      So it was granted permission to make a short excursion, and at once began rolling out into the open desert. It had not proceeded far before an ostrich, who was pensively eating a keg of nails, left his repast, dashed at the stone, and gobbled it up.

      This narration teaches the folly of contentment: if the ostrich had been content with his nails he would never have eaten the stone.

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      A man carrying a sack of corn up a high ladder propped against a wall, had nearly reached the top, when a powerful hog passing that way leant against the bottom to scratch its hide.

      "I wish," said the man, speaking down the ladder, "you would make that operation as brief as possible; and when I come down I will reward you by rearing a fresh ladder especially for you."

      "This one is quite good enough for a hog," was the reply; "but I am curious to know if you will keep your promise, so I'll just amuse myself until you come down."

      And taking the bottom rung in his mouth, he moved off, away from the wall. A moment later he had all the loose corn he could garner, but he never got that other ladder.

      MORAL.—An ace and four kings is as good a hand as one can hold in draw-poker.

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      A young cock and a hen were speaking of the size of eggs. Said the cock:

      "I once laid an egg—"

      "Oh, you did!" interrupted the hen, with a derisive cackle. "Pray how did you manage it?"

      The cock felt injured in his self-esteem, and, turning his back upon the hen, addressed himself to a brood of young chickens.

      "I once laid an egg—"

      The chickens chirped incredulously, and passed on. The insulted bird reddened in the wattles with indignation, and strutting up to the patriarch of the entire barn-yard, repeated his assertion. The patriarch nodded gravely, as if the feat were an every-day affair, and the other continued:

      "I once laid an egg alongside a water-melon, and compared the two. The vegetable was considerably the larger."

      This fable is intended to show the absurdity of hearing all a man has to say.

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Bathing Naturalist

      Seeing himself getting beyond his depth, a bathing naturalist called lustily for succour.

      "Anything I can do for you?" inquired the engaging octopus.

      "Happy to serve you, I am sure," said the accommodating leech.

      "Command me," added the earnest crab.

      "Gentlemen of the briny deep," exclaimed the gasping savant, "I am compelled to decline your friendly offices, but I tender you my scientific gratitude; and, as a return favour, I beg, with this my last breath, that you will accept the freedom of my aquarium, and make it your home."

      This tale proves that scientific gratitude is quite as bad as the natural sort.

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      Two whales seizing a pike, attempted in turn to swallow him, but without success. They finally determined to try him jointly, each taking hold of an end, and both shutting their eyes for a grand effort, when a shark darted silently between them, biting away the whole body of their prey. Opening their eyes, they gazed upon one another with much satisfaction.

      "I had no idea he would go down so easily," said the one.

      "Nor I," returned the other; "but how very tasteless a pike is."

      The insipidity we observe in most of our acquaintances is largely due to our imperfect knowledge of them.

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      A wolf went into the cottage of a peasant while the family was absent in the fields, and falling foul of some beef, was quietly enjoying it, when he was observed by a domestic rat, who went directly to her master, informing him of what she had seen.

      "I would myself have dispatched the robber," she added, "but feared you might wish to take him alive."

      So the man secured a powerful club and went to the door of the house, while the rat looked in at the window. After taking a survey of the situation, the man said:

      "I don't think I care to take this fellow alive. Judging from his present performance, I should say his keeping would entail no mean expense. You may go in and slay him if you like; I have quite changed my mind."

      "If you really intended taking him prisoner," replied the rat, "the object of that bludgeon is to me a matter of mere conjecture. However, it is easy enough to see you have changed your mind; and it may be barely worth mentioning that I have changed mine."

      "The interest you both take in me," said the wolf, without looking up, "touches me deeply. As you have considerately abstained from bothering me with the question of how I am to be disposed of, I will not embarrass your counsels by obtruding a preference. Whatever may be your decision, you may count on my acquiescence; my countenance alone ought to convince you of the meek docility of my character. I never lose my temper, and I never swear; but, by the stomach of the Prophet! if either one of you domestic animals is in sight when I have finished the conquest of these ribs, the question of my fate may be postponed for future debate, without detriment to any important interest."

      This fable teaches that while you are considering the abatement of a nuisance, it is important to know which nuisance is the more likely to be abated.

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      A snake tried to shed his skin by pulling it off over his head, but, being unable to do so, was advised by a woodman to slip out of it in the usual way.

      "But," said the serpent, "this is the way you do it!"

      "True," exclaimed

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