LITMIR.BIZ

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be calm…’

      ‘But you love me? Yes? You are so big, so handsome! Don’t you love me?’

      ‘It’s time to go, my darling…’ I said, noticing to my great horror that I was kissing her forehead, taking her round the waist, that she was scorching me with her hot breath and that she was hanging round my neck.

      ‘Enough!’ I mumbled. ‘That must satisfy you!’

      Five minutes later, when I carried her out of the grotto in my arms and troubled by new impressions put her on her feet, I saw Pshekhotsky standing almost at the entrance… He stood there, looking at me maliciously, and silently applauding… I measured him with my glance, and giving Olga my arm, walked off towards the house.

      ‘We’ll see the last of you here today,’ I said, looking back at Pshekhotsky. ‘You will have to pay for this, spying!’

      My kisses had probably been ardent because Olga’s face was burning as if ablaze. There were no traces of the recently shed tears to be seen on it.

      ‘Now I have no fear, I feel everything is possible,’ she murmured as we went together towards the house and she pressed my elbow convulsively. ‘This morning I did not know where to hide myself from terror, and now… now, my good giant, I don’t know what to do from happiness! My husband is sitting and waiting for me there… Ha, ha! What’s that to me? If he were even a crocodile, a terrible serpent… I’m afraid of nothing! I love you, and that’s all I want to know!’

      I looked at her face, radiant with happiness, at her eyes, brimful of joyful, satisfied love, and my heart sank with fear for the future of this pretty, happy creature: her love for me was but an extra impulse towards the abyss… How will this laughing woman with no thought for the future end?… My heart misgave me and sank with a feeling that cannot be called either pity or sympathy, because it was stronger than these feelings. I stopped and laid my hand on Olga’s shoulder… I had never before seen anything more beautiful, graceful and at the same time more pitiful… There was no time for reasoning, deliberation or thought, and, carried away by my feelings, I exclaimed:

      ‘Olga, come home with me at once! This instant!’

      ‘How? What did you say?’ she asked, unable to understand my somewhat solemn tone.

      ‘Let us drive to my house immediately!’

      Olga smiled and pointed to the house…

      ‘Well, and what of that?’ I said, isn’t it all the same if I take you tomorrow or today? But the sooner the better… Come!’

      ‘But… won’t it look strange?…’

      ‘What, girl, you’re afraid of the scandal? Yes, there’ll be a tremendous, an almighty scandal, but a thousand scandals are better than that you should remain here! I won’t leave you here! I can’t leave you here! Olga, do you understand? Cast aside your faintheartedness, your womanly logic, and obey me! Obey me if you do not desire your own ruin!’

      Olga’s eyes said that she did not understand me… Meanwhile time did not stop but went its course, and it was impossible for us to remain standing in the avenue while they were expecting us there. We had to decide… I pressed to my heart ‘the girl in red’, who actually was my wife now, and at that moment it appeared to me that I really loved her… loved her with a husband’s love, that she was mine, and that her fate rested on my conscience… I saw that I was united with this creature for ever, irrevocably.

      ‘Listen, my darling, my treasure!’ I said, it’s a bold step… It will separate us from our nearest friends; it will call down upon our heads a thousand reproaches and tearful lamentations. Perhaps it will even spoil my career; it will cause me a thousand insurmountable unpleasantnesses, but, my darling, it is settled! You will be my wife! I want no better wife. God preserve me from all other women! I will make you happy; I will take care of you like the apple of my eye, as long as I live; I will educate you — make a woman of you! I promise you this, and here is my honest hand on it!’

      I spoke with sincere passion, with feeling, like a stage lover acting the most pathetic scene of his part. I spoke very well, I seemed to be inspired by the touch of an eagle’s wing that was soaring over our heads. My Olia took my outstretched hand, held it in her own small hands, and kissed it tenderly. But this was not a sign of assent. On the silly little face of an inexperienced woman who had never before heard such speech, there appeared a look of perplexity… She still could not understand me.

      ‘You say I am to go to you?’ she said reflectively. ‘I don’t quite understand you… Don’t you know what he would say?’

      ‘What have you to do with what he would say?’

      ‘How so? No, Serezha! Better say no more… Please don’t mention it again… You love me, and I want nothing more. With your love I’m ready for anything.’

      ‘But, little fool, how will you manage it?’

      ‘I shall live here, and you — why, you will come every day… I will come to meet you.’

      ‘But I can’t imagine such a life for you without a shudder! At night - him; in the day - me… No, that is impossible! Olia, I love you so much at the present moment that… I am madly jealous… I never suspected that I had the capacity for such feelings.’

      But what imprudence! I had my arm round her waist, and she was stroking my hand tenderly even though at any moment someone might pass along the avenue and see us.

      ‘Come,’ I said, removing my arm. ‘Put on your cloak and let us be off!’

      ‘How quickly you want to do things,’ she murmured in a tearful voice. ‘You hurry as if to a fire. God only knows what you’re dreaming of! To run away immediately after the marriage! What will people say?’

      And Olenka shrugged her shoulders. Her face wore such a look of perplexity, astonishment and incomprehension that I only waved my hand and postponed discussion of her emotional problems to another moment. Besides, there was no time to continue our conversation: we were going up the stone stairs that led to the terrace and could hear the sound of voices. At the dining-room door Olia arranged her hair, saw that her dress was in order, and went into the room. No signs of confusion could be noticed on her face. She entered the room much more boldly than I had expected.

      ‘Ladies and gentlemen, I have brought back the fugitive,’ I said as I sat down in my place, I found her with difficulty… I’m quite tired out by this search. I went into the garden, I looked around, and there she was walking about in the avenue… “Why are you here?” I asked her. “I just felt like it,” she answered. “It’s so stuffy.”

      Olia looked at me, at the guests, at her husband, and began to laugh. Something amused her, and she became gay. I read on her face the wish to share with all that crowd of diners the sudden happiness that she had experienced; and not being able to give expression to it in words, she poured it out in her laughter.

      ‘What a funny person I am!’ she said. ‘I am laughing, and I don’t know why I am laughing… Count, laugh!’

      ‘Sweeten the wine,’ cried Kalinin.

      Urbenin coughed and looked inquiringly at Olia.

      ‘Well?’ she said, with a momentary frown.

      ‘They are calling for us to sweeten the wine,’ Urbenin smiled, and rising, he wiped his lips with his napkin.

      Olga rose too and allowed him to kiss her immovable lips…

      The kiss was a cold one, but it served to increase the fire that was smouldering in my breast and threatened every moment to burst into flame… I turned away and with compressed lips awaited the end of the dinner… Fortunately the end was soon reached, otherwise I would not have been able to endure it.

      CHAPTER XV

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