The Collected Works of Anton Chekhov - Anton Chekhov

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TIMOFEYEVNA. [Exploding] General, your manners…. You ought to be ashamed of yourself, at your age!

      REVUNOV. Did you say sausage? No, I haven’t had any… thank you.

      NASTASYA TIMOFEYEVNA. [Loudly] I say you ought to be ashamed of yourself at your age! General, your manners are awful!

      NUNIN. [Confused] Ladies and gentlemen, is it worth it? Really…

      REVUNOV. In the first place, I’m not a general, but a second-class naval captain, which, according to the table of precedence, corresponds to a lieutenant-colonel.

      NASTASYA TIMOFEYEVNA. If you’re not a general, then what did you go and take our money for? We never paid you money to behave like that!

      REVUNOV. [Upset] What money?

      NASTASYA TIMOFEYEVNA. You know what money. You know that you got 25 roubles from Andrey Andreyevitch…. [To NUNIN] And you look out, Andrey! I never asked you to hire a man like that!

      NUNIN. There now… let it drop. Is it worth it?

      REVUNOV. Paid… hired…. What is it?

      APLOMBOV. Just let me ask you this. Did you receive 25 roubles from Andrey Andreyevitch?

      REVUNOV. What 25 roubles? [Suddenly realizing] That’s what it is! Now I understand it all…. How mean! How mean!

      APLOMBOV. Did you take the money?

      REVUNOV. I haven’t taken any money! Get away from me! [Leaves the table] How mean! How low! To insult an old man, a sailor, an officer who has served long and faithfully! If you were decent people I could call somebody out, but what can I do now? [Absently] Where’s the door? Which way do I go? Waiter, show me the way out! Waiter! [Going] How mean! How low! [Exit.]

      NASTASYA TIMOFEYEVNA. Andrey, where are those 25 roubles?

      NUNIN. Is it worth while bothering about such trifles? What does it matter! Everybody’s happy here, and here you go…. [Shouts] The health of the bride and bridegroom! A march! A march! [The band plays a march] The health of the bride and bridegroom!

      ZMEYUKINA. I’m suffocating! Give me atmosphere! I’m suffocating with you all round me!

      YATS. [In a transport of delight] My beauty! My beauty! [Uproar.]

      A GROOMSMAN. [Trying to shout everybody else down] Ladies and gentlemen! On this occasion, if I may say so…

      Curtain.

       THE WEDDING [trans. by C. E. Bechhofer Roberts]

       Table of Contents

      Characters

Aplombov Jigalov Miss Zmewkin Dimba Dashenka Mrs. Jigalow Yat Mozgovy

      Captain Revunov-Karayúlov

M.C. Guests Newnin Waiters

       The Wedding

       (A brightly lit room, with a big table laid for supper. Around the table bustle waiters in frock-coats. The last figure of a quadrille can be heard. Enter Miss Zmewkin — accoucheuse, thirty years old, in a bright scarlet dress — Mr. Yat, and the Master of Ceremonies. They pass across the stage.)

      Zmewkin: No! No! No!

      Yat (following): Be merciful! Be merciful!

      Zmewkin: No! No! No!

      Master of Ceremonies (hurrying after them): Please, you mustn’t, you mustn’t! Where are you going? But the grand-chain, silvooplay. (Exeunt. Enter Mrs. Nastasia Jigalov, mother of the bride, and Aplombov, the bridegroom.)

      Nastasia: Instead of worrying me with all your talk, you’d do better to go and dance!

      Aplombov: I'm not Spinosa anyhow, to make cracknels of my legs. I'm a man of position and character, and I don’t find any distraction in empty pleasures. But this has nothing to do with dancing. Excuse me, Mama, but I don’t understand a lot of your behaviour. For instance, besides all the things for the house, you promised to give me your two lottery-tickets with your daughter. Where are they?

      Nastasia: How my head aches! — If this weather keeps on, there ought to be a thaw.

      Aplombov: You won’t wear my teeth out with talking! I found out to-day that your tickets were pledged at the bank. Excuse me, Mama, but only exploiters behave like that. Now, I'm not speaking from selfishness — I don’t want your tickets! — but from principle; I don’t let anybody deceive me. I’ve made your daughter happy, and, if you don’t hand me over those tickets to-day, I’ll eat your daughter with pudding! I’m a man of noble feelings.

      Nastasia (looking at the table and counting the places): One, two, three, four, five ——

      Servant: The cook wants to know how you order the ices to be served, with rum, with madeira, or without anything.

      Aplombov: With rum. And tell the proprietor there’s only a little wine. Tell him to send up some Haut-Sauterne. (To Nastasia.) And you promised and we agreed that a general would be at the supper to-night. Where is he, I should like to know.

      Nastasia: It’s not my fault, my dear!

      Aplombov: Whose, then?

      Nastasia: Andrew’s fault. Yesterday he was here and promised to bring a real general. (Sighs.) He can’t have found one or he’d have brought him. You don’t think we begrudge the expense? We grudge our children nothing. But, after all, what’s a general!

      Aplombov: Well again, surely you knew, Mama, that this telegraph fellow, Yat, was running after Dashenka until I proposed to her? Why did you invite him? Didn’t you really know that lie’s an enemy of mine?

      Nastasia: Oh, Epaminondas, what’s the matter with you? The wedding-day isn’t over yet and already you’re tiring me and Dashenka to death with your talking. What will it be like as time goes on? You’re wearisome, wearisome.

      Aplombov: It isn’t nice to hear the truth? Ha, ha. There you are. But act nobly! Only one thing I ask of you — be noble! (Through the room, from one door to the other couples pass, dancing the grand-chain. The first couple is Dashenka and the Master of Ceremonies, behind them Yat and Zmewkin. They stop dancing and stay in the room. Enter Jigalov and Dimba, and go to the table.)

      Master of Ceremonies: Promenade! Messieu’s, promenade! (Off.) Promenade! (Exeunt the couples.)

      Yat: Be merciful! Be merciful, enchanting Miss Zmewkin!

      Zmewkin: Oh! what a man you are! I’ve told you already I'm not in voice.

      Yat: I entreat you, sing! Only one note! Be merciful! Only one note!

      Zmewkin: I’m tired. (Sits down and fans herself.)

      Yat: No, you’re simply pitiless! Such an inhuman creature, permit me to use the expression, and such a wonderful, wonderful voice. With a voice like that, excuse the expression, you ought not to be an accoucheuse, but singing at public concerts. For instance, how divinely the trills emerge from you in that one (sings): “I loved you, my love is yet in vain.” — Wonderful!

      Zmewkin (sings): “I loved you, perhaps I still may love.” — That one?

      Yat: That’s the one! Wonderful!

      Zmewkin: No, I’m not in voice to-day. Take my fan, fan me; it’s so hot. (To Aplombov.) Why are you

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