The Science Fiction Anthology - Fritz Leiber

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loud speaker, but I couldn’t answer them. So the Ionosphere Guard finally sent up a small craft with a lieutenant and a three-man crew in it to see what was wrong.

      “Those sailors were good. They didn’t even look surprised; they just went to work as if they handled elephants in space every day. They drove four lines through the ring bolts I’d welded in the spin-deck, cast Beulah loose and hauled her over to her new spot as neat as you please.

      “Then, no nonsense, the lieutenant ordered Beulah to let loose of me. She did, too.

      “After that they left, stopping for just one drink of my good bourbon. I didn’t drink rhial then.

      “I wirelessed Port Control my penalty fees and another twelve hour’s hire in the orbit, and started shifting the load. I was working on an empty stomach, and Beulah still didn’t feel hungry, so she didn’t remind me that I hadn’t eaten. I almost collapsed before I got the job done.

      “Then I put spin on, which made Beulah comfortable at last, and tried to juggle the ship into a hyper-trajectory, still without stopping for food or sleep. It didn’t take long before Beulah started squalling for supper. After I fed her I had to adjust balance all over again. By that time I was pushing my new twelve-hour limit, and I didn’t give much of a damn any more. I just counted to ten and pushed the button. Then I turned in and slept until Beulah started squalling for breakfast. I ignored her until I ate about three squares in a row, then I fed her and adjusted balance. After that I checked my trajectory.

      “It was the best I’ve ever made in twenty-four years of jumping. It was beautiful.

      “So I turned back in again and slept until Beulah woke me for lunch. I didn’t know it at the time, but Beulah was eating for two. That possibility probably should have occurred to me earlier, what with the name ‘Beulah’, but you can’t think of everything, and there I was, the first man to go into hyperspace with an elephant. Anyway, it didn’t even worry me, even when I found out about it. I checked the contract. Everything seemed to be well covered. And according to my book on elephants, Beulah should still be only a potential mother when we reached Penguin. As a matter of fact, the whole idea made me feel just a little bit proud. Like a father, you know?

      “What with having to shift weights after every meal, and Beulah setting the schedule for meals, I was kept mighty busy. My self-winding wristwatch overwound itself and stopped, in spite of the advertisements about it, and I didn’t find out for almost two weeks, subjective, that Beulah’s stomach ran fast. What’s more, I think she knew it. Because when I finally woke up to what was going on, and started to run her schedule by the clock, she didn’t fuss a bit. Beulah’s a clever girl.

      “I was so worn out when we finally reached Penguin that I just slid into orbit, kept spin on, laid out a couple of extra meals for Beulah and slept the clock around. The Prinkip was mighty mad about it when I finally turned on my radio, but I told him I had my cargo ready for delivery and where did he want me to put it? So he calmed down and gave me the coordinates.

      “Of course, I had to take off the spin and shift Beulah back to the landing deck, and there wasn’t any Ionosphere Guard around to help me if I got into any kind of trouble. So I was mighty careful. I put the chains on Beulah again, and then set up trip ropes so I could cut her loose without getting inside of reach of that nose of hers. Then I ran lines back to the first set of ring bolts, so I could drag her back, weightless, without any trouble. Beulah looked a little unhappy, but didn’t make any fuss about it all. I started to take spin off, giving the orders to the angle jets through the computer right down in the cargo compartment, so the old girl wouldn’t worry about where I was.

      “Beulah didn’t squall as her weight came off this time. She just reached down and tripped loose the chains around her ankles. Did I tell you that she was mighty clever?”

      I nodded.

      “Well, she started around that spin deck after me. I punched into the computer the maximum order for spin reduction, and started around the spin deck to keep away from her. Beulah grabbed hold of the computer with her nose—for support, I guess—when she got over there. She yanked the whole thing clear off the deck, breaking its cable. Crucislurched once.

      “And I ended up in the compost heap.

      “With Beulah way off center, and with that last wild burst from the jets before they cut off, the ship was gyrating in a way that made my stomach uneasy. It didn’t seem to bother Beulah, though. She just wanted to be near me. I got out of there fast, and went up onto the bridge.

      “The main computer was out, of course. I couldn’t interrogate the auxiliary computer remotely, so I had to fly that wobbling ship to a stop by the seat of my pants. I did it, too.

      “Then I went back to the cargo compartment and hauled Beulah into the center. She didn’t make any more trouble—she was sorry for what she had done.

      “The coordinates the Prinkip had given me looked almighty close to a big pond that I didn’t recall having seen before, but I was too busy making a landing with minimum fuel to ask him about it. I finally fought her down safely with one leg of my tripod actually in the pond, and clouds of steam rising up around Delta Crucis. I call it a pond. But on a normal-size planet it would be a good big lake.

      “Anyway, I had made it safely to Penguin, and my elephant was alive and healthy. I congratulated Beulah when I untied her, and then I took her outside to meet the Prinkip. I think I was a little proud of myself, and of Beulah, and of Delta Crucis, too.”

      I was so stirred by hearing about this successful conclusion of Captain Hannah’s mission that I shook his hand warmly and ordered a round of drinks for everyone in the room. Fortunately, it was not very crowded at the time.

      “That’s not quite the end of the story,” said the skipper. “You see, the Prinkip had built the pond to keep Beulah in. He had somehow gotten the idea that I was bringing him a whale.”

      I looked blank.

      “An Earth mammal. It lives in the oceans, and runs to maybe seventy or eighty tons.”

      I sat down slowly, and then made a sudden dive for my contract for the use of the Delta Crucis.

      The skipper nodded. “I had a contingent contract with the Prinkip, too,” he said, “and I hadn’t delivered. I still haven’t figured out how to make delivery of a whale, but I will some day.

      “And if you’re looking for that part of our contract where you agree to store any residual cargo I may be carrying, it’s all legal and binding. Until I get back from hauling your Gasha root, you’ll have to care for one adult female African elephant. But I’m sure you’ll get to like Beulah as much as I have. She’s a mighty clever elephant.”

      I called the waiter over and ordered a beaker of rhial.

      “But you’re lucky at that,” said Hannah. “Check subparagraph f of paragraph 74 of our contract: Incidental accrual. When Beulah has her baby, the little tyke will be all yours.”

      Now I know why Captain Hannah drinks rhial in the morning.

      So do I.

      The history of man becomes fearfully and wonderfully confusing with the advent of interstellar travel. Of special interest to the legally inclined student is the famous Skrrgck Affair, which began before the Galactic Tribunal with the case of Citizens vs. Skrrgck.

      The case, and the opinion of the Court, may be summarized as follows:

      Skrrgck, a native of Sknnbt (Altair IV), where theft is honorable, sanctioned by law and custom, immigrated to Earth (Sol III) where theft is contrary to both law and custom.

      While residing in Chicago, a city in a political subdivision known as the State of Illinois, part of the United States of America, one of the ancient nation-states of Earth, he overheard his landlady use the phrase “A license to steal,” a common colloquialism in the area,

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