LITMIR.BIZ

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said, “Have you been drinking?”

      “No, why?” Scatterbrained fool!

      “Nothing, let’s go inside. I can dust off my coat on the edge of the porch.”

      Oh, he thought I’d meant get all of his clothes off! Did he? I wanted to die.

      “Yes, of course.”

      I led him inside, and he hung his jacket on the coat rack in the mudroom, before joining me in the front parlor. “Wow, Clio, look at this place now.” When he’d left, the lodge had been finished but not fully furnished, and most of our décor had still been in transit. He hadn’t seen any of the completed rooms except the ballroom, which we’d done for Imelda and Edgar’s party.

      “Wait until you see the chapel. It’s glorious. The pews are all set up and the pulpit – with the stained-glass windows funneling in light and the fire glowing in the grate – it’s one of the prettiest spaces I’ve ever seen.”

      Whenever we discussed the lodge, Kai’s face changed, like he’d found a pot of gold. He was always interested to know every little detail, when most people’s eyes would have glazed over by then. I think it was a mixture of rapture about the expansive grounds, the beauty of nature, and the idea of providing accommodation in such a place, with old-school activities and lots of adventure. And let’s not forget the mountain range he virtually ran up. For fun.

      “You’re amazing, Clio. To have so much happening. It’s only been a month or so since the lodge got a makeover and already you’ve held an expo and locked in some guests and weddings.”

      Had Kai worried that no one would visit? Evergreen wasn’t like other New Hampshire towns with big populations and tourist attractions galore. Unless you were a nature lover and happy to find your way around unmarked tracks, there wasn’t much more to do in Evergreen. But that was kind of a joy in itself. It wasn’t full to bursting with people, and when you went for a hike seeking solitude, you soon found it.

      “It’s not just me, Kai. I’ve had so much help from so many people. And now I have Amory here – the dream team, she calls us.”

      “A force to be reckoned with,” he grinned.

      “If you’re getting married…” I stopped short. “Not you, but…” Kill me.

      “Speaking of which, we’d better go over to see Ned. May as well see what can be done.”

      “Let me get the paperwork.”

      My head was suddenly clear. We needed this to go without a hitch so I could assure our brides the chapel was ready for their weddings. We needed their deposits too, to go forward with the renovations on the chalets, giving us another income stream for spring when the holiday season would truly begin.

      After two hours of back and forth with Ned, me biting my tongue to prevent me speaking out of turn, and Kai keeping his cool and patiently explaining each improvement down to the type of nuts and bolts that were used, Ned agreed to approve the chapel at Cedarwood pending a visit to inspect the structure properly, before the year was out. We had a February wedding to organize, so it had to be done as soon as possible in case Ned found any problems and we needed to fix them. It was a weight off my mind, but I wouldn’t fully relax until he put pen to paper and signed the document.

      As we drove sedately back to Cedarwood, the silence weighed a little heavier. It was like we were tongue-tied and I missed our usual affable chats about every little thing.

      Kai must have sensed my unease and finally said, “What are you thinking about? You’re doing that squinty, hunchy thing of yours again, like you can’t see.”

      “What squinty hunchy thing?”

      He squinted and hunched over, letting the steering wheel go and hugging himself tight. “Like that. You always do that same thing when you’re worried.”

      I peeked down at my body and found he was right. The Hunchback of Notre Dame had nothing on me. “Talk about bad posture, oh upright one.”

      His shiny white teeth shone under the soft sunlight, and he let the teasing go unchecked. “When we did yoga you stopped hugging yourself tight like that. Stopped folding yourself in knots.”

      “But you left.” I attempted a smile. “My yogi.”

      He bit his lip, and turned away. “I wanted to stay.”

      The air thickened with unsaid words.

      “Did you, though? You left so early after Imelda and Edgar’s party…”

      He stared straight ahead, gray clouds drifting toward us in an angry jumble. We were going to get stuck in the car, sheltering from the coming storm, if we didn’t get home soon. I held my tongue, though. I wanted an answer.

      “I was two weeks late for that job and my boss wasn’t happy about it. I had to go.” His voice had an air of anguish to it, and I thought something had changed with Kai. Something had stolen the light from his eyes. Was it his boss? There was a bitterness to Kai that was out of character when he spoke of his time away.

      “What’s going on, Kai? You don’t seem like the same guy who left Cedarwood.”

      He smiled, but it was more like a grimace. “I’m not. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same.”

      By the set of his jaw, I knew to leave it alone, that whatever it was would come out soon enough. Kai harped on about how holding toxic emotions inside damaged a person, but I sensed he needed time to mull over whatever it was.

      “I’m glad you’re back, even if it’s only for a little while.”

      With his hands on the wheel, he said, “Me too, I love it here.”

      ***

      At the lodge, Kai stood behind me, shrugging out of his coat. Voices carried down the stairwell. I stopped, straining to hear. It was Amory and Cruz, having a heart-to-heart by the sound of it.

      “I’m sorry I’ve kept you at arm’s length all this time. It was just easier if we were going to break up, to protect myself, my heart,” Amory’s voice carried down the stairs.

      “Promise me you’ll always say how you’re feeling? Don’t run away, don’t hide it. The thought of losing you…”

      It was such a happy thing to witness – two people so in love they were willing to forget their own dreams for each other. Not wanting to intrude, I tapped Kai’s arm and pointed outside, and we crept away to let them chat in private.

      We went to the chalets by the lake. I watched him for a beat, and it was as obvious as his shadow that something plagued him. He was quieter than normal and something inside me wanted to make it better, or at least show him I cared. When I’d been twisted and coiled tight like a snake, Kai had recognized it in me, and helped me, in myriad ways, by his cuckoo breathing techniques and enforced exercise, but mostly by listening, and not shrugging off my concerns. Sure, at the time he’d been my employee, but it went beyond that. And I wanted to reciprocate.

      “Hey,” I said, “do you want to head into town, and have a drink?” It tugged at my heart the way his whole demeanor had changed, like he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.

      “Sure,” he said.

      Twenty minutes later we arrived at the Shakin’ Shack, and took a seat at a softly lit booth at the back. I ordered us two beers, thinking alcohol just might loosen his tongue and get him to open up to me.

      We made small talk for an hour before I figured out how to broach it with him.

      “Remember when you said you were searching for something, a feeling, a place you belong…? Did something happen to prompt that?”

      He nodded, a faint smile touching his lips. “That sounded a little too mystical, right?” He shook his head as if he was embarrassed he’d shared the idea with me. “Have you ever felt so lost you just don’t

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