A Smart Girl's Guide: Friendship Troubles (Revised) - Patti Kelley Criswell American Girl

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      best friends?

      A best friend can be as comforting as a cup of hot cocoa on a cold

      winter’s night. She listens, she keeps your secrets, and when you’re

      together, it just feels right. You feel safe and secure knowing she’s

      there when you need her.

      But there may be times when having a best friend makes you feel tied

      down. Do you always need to sit with her at the movies? Can you never

      be partners with someone new? What if you want to be close with

      another girl, too? Is that OK? What if your best friend feels angry or

      jealous? What do you do?

      Are best friends a good idea or a bad one?

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      It depends. For some girls, having a best friend feels like too much

      pressure. For others, it’s the only way to go. If that’s you, here are two

      things to remember.

      One: Don’t get into a tight relationship with just anybody. If you can’t

      be yourself with a girl, then proclaiming yourselves “best friends” isn’t a

      good idea. It’s better to let your friendship grow for a while. If you want

      to get closer, work on the little conflicts that come along. Let her know

      what you enjoy about her friendship and what you would like to see

      change.

      Two: Even best friends aren’t best friends every single day. Friendships

      are like a dance. You get close for a while, then you pull away, and then

      you get close again. That’s normal. Keep talking to your friend when

      you’re feeling more distant, but be sure you have other friends, too.

      Never put all your energy into a single friendship. That way, if you and

      your best friend aren’t doing well this week, you aren’t left out in the

      cold. In the end, that means a lot less pressure on the friendship.

      I like having a group of good

      friends who all get along. That

      way, no one is singled out as

      being better than the others.

      I think it’s OK to have a

      best friend as long as you

      have other friends, too.

      I do have a best friend. I don’t

      tell my other friends, though,

      since I don’t want them to feel

      left out.

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      left out

      Just when you’ve found a friend you love spending time with, some other

      girl comes along and—wham! Those two start hanging out all the time,

      laughing at things you don’t think are funny and leaving you feeling sick

      inside.

      You’re left out, rejected, abandoned. It’s one of the world’s lousiest

      feelings, but you’re not alone. Most girls feel left out at one

      time or another. Your first impulse may be to blame the third girl

      in the triangle. Don’t. Nobody ever wins the blame game—honestly. It

      always does more harm than good. You may also feel like marching over

      to your friend’s house and saying, “OK, pick. It’s her or me!” But what if

      she doesn’t choose you? Anyway, YUCK. Is this what friendship is really

      about?

      Instead, talk to your friend. Let her know that you are feeling left out.

      She may be able to reassure you with words or by spending more time

      with you.

      You should also ask yourself whether your friend is really shutting you

      out or simply enjoying a new relationship. There’s no official limit on how

      many friends a girl can have. Why act as if there were? There must be a

      good reason your friend likes the new girl. Try to find out what it is. Give

      her a chance. Maybe you can be friends with her, too. Remember that as

      you grow and change, so will your friendships.

      Of course, if your friend is truly ditching you, say, for the “popular”

      crowd, that’s a different story. Try to play it cool. For now, spend time

      with your other friends. Tell yourself that your relationship with your

      good friend is changing—not ending, just changing. Her interest in the

      new group may fade as she gets to know those girls better. She may end

      up missing you and come back.

      If she doesn’t, you’re going to hurt for a while—and sorely. But that time

      will pass, and you can come out of this with your head high, knowing that

      you were true to your friendship even if she wasn’t.

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      Prescription for “being-left-out-itis”

      Your friend doesn’t call and doesn’t call. You feel pooped, the world

      looks gray, and you’ve been trying to persuade your parents to move to

      Tahiti. Sound familiar? You’ve got a bad case of being-left-out-itis,

      and you need to do something before it gets worse. Doing something

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