LITMIR.BIZ

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Nay, let them go, a couple of quiet ones.

       GREMIO.

       Went they not quickly, I should die with laughing.

       TRANIO.

       Of all mad matches, never was the like.

       LUCENTIO.

       Mistress, what’s your opinion of your sister?

       BIANCA.

       That, being mad herself, she’s madly mated.

       GREMIO.

       I warrant him, Petruchio is Kated.

       BAPTISTA.

       Neighbours and friends, though bride and bridegroom wants

       For to supply the places at the table,

       You know there wants no junkets at the feast.

       Lucentio, you shall supply the bridegroom’s place;

       And let Bianca take her sister’s room.

       TRANIO.

       Shall sweet Bianca practise how to bride it?

       BAPTISTA.

       She shall, Lucentio. Come, gentlemen, let’s go.

       [Exeunt.]

       ACT IV.

       SCENE I. A hall in PETRUCHIO’S country house.

       [Enter GRUMIO.]

       GRUMIO. Fie, fie on all tired jades, on all mad masters, and all foul ways! Was ever man so beaten? Was ever man so ray’d? Was ever man so weary? I am sent before to make a fire, and they are coming after to warm them. Now, were not I a little pot and soon hot, my very lips might freeze to my teeth, my tongue to the roof of my mouth, my heart in my belly, ere I should come by a fire to thaw me. But I with blowing the fire shall warm myself; for, considering the weather, a taller man than I will take cold. Holla, ho! Curtis!

       [Enter CURTIS.]

       CURTIS.

       Who is that calls so coldly?

       GRUMIO. A piece of ice: if thou doubt it, thou mayst slide from my shoulder to my heel with no greater a run but my head and my neck. A fire, good Curtis.

       CURTIS.

       Is my master and his wife coming, Grumio?

       GRUMIO. O, ay! Curtis, ay; and therefore fire, fire; cast on no water.

       CURTIS.

       Is she so hot a shrew as she’s reported?

       GRUMIO. She was, good Curtis, before this frost; but thou knowest winter tames man, woman, and beast; for it hath tamed my old master, and my new mistress, and myself, fellow Curtis.

       CURTIS.

       Away, you three-inch fool! I am no beast.

       GRUMIO. Am I but three inches? Why, thy horn is a foot; and so long am I at the least. But wilt thou make a fire, or shall I complain on thee to our mistress, whose hand,—she being now at hand,— thou shalt soon feel, to thy cold comfort, for being slow in thy hot office?

       CURTIS.

       I prithee, good Grumio, tell me, how goes the world?

       GRUMIO. A cold world, Curtis, in every office but thine; and therefore fire. Do thy duty, and have thy duty, for my master and mistress are almost frozen to death.

       CURTIS.

       There’s fire ready; and therefore, good Grumio, the news?

       GRUMIO.

       Why, ‘Jack boy! ho, boy!’ and as much news as thou wilt.

       CURTIS.

       Come, you are so full of cony-catching.

       GRUMIO. Why, therefore, fire; for I have caught extreme cold. Where’s the cook? Is supper ready, the house trimmed, rushes strewed, cobwebs swept, the servingmen in their new fustian, their white stockings, and every officer his wedding-garment on? Be the Jacks fair within, the Jills fair without, and carpets laid, and everything in order?

       CURTIS.

       All ready; and therefore, I pray thee, news?

       GRUMIO.

       First, know my horse is tired; my master and mistress fallen out.

       CURTIS.

       How?

       GRUMIO.

       Out of their saddles into the dirt; and thereby hangs a tale.

       CURTIS.

       Let’s ha’t, good Grumio.

       GRUMIO.

       Lend thine ear.

       CURTIS.

       Here.

       GRUMIO.

       [Striking him.] There.

       CURTIS.

       This ‘tis to feel a tale, not to hear a tale.

       GRUMIO. And therefore ‘tis called a sensible tale; and this cuff was but to knock at your car and beseech listening. Now I begin: Imprimis, we came down a foul hill, my master riding behind my mistress,—

       CURTIS.

       Both of one horse?

       GRUMIO.

       What’s that to thee?

       CURTIS.

       Why, a horse.

       GRUMIO. Tell thou the tale: but hadst thou not crossed me, thou shouldst have heard how her horse fell and she under her horse; thou shouldst have heard in how miry a place, how she was bemoiled; how he left her with the horse upon her; how he beat me because her horse stumbled; how she waded through the dirt to pluck him off me: how he swore; how she prayed, that never prayed before; how I cried; how the horses ran away; how her bridle was burst; how I lost my crupper; with many things of worthy memory, which now shall die in oblivion, and thou return unexperienced to thy grave.

       CURTIS.

       By this reckoning he is more shrew than she.

       GRUMIO. Ay; and that thou and the proudest of you all shall find when he comes home. But what talk I of this? Call forth Nathaniel, Joseph, Nicholas, Philip, Walter, Sugarsop, and the rest; let their heads be sleekly combed, their blue coats brush’d and their garters of an indifferent knit; let them curtsy with their left legs, and not presume to touch a hair of my master’s horse-tail till they kiss their hands. Are they all ready?

       CURTIS.

       They are.

       GRUMIO.

       Call them forth.

       CURTIS. Do you hear? ho! You must meet my master to countenance my mistress.

       GRUMIO.

       Why, she hath a face of her own.

       CURTIS.

       Who knows not that?

       GRUMIO.

       Thou, it seems, that calls for company to countenance her.

       CURTIS.

       I call them forth to credit her.

       GRUMIO.

       Why, she comes to borrow nothing of them.

       [Enter several SERVANTS.]

       NATHANIEL.

       Welcome home, Grumio!

       PHILIP.

       How now, Grumio!

       JOSEPH.

       What, Grumio!

       NICHOLAS.

       Fellow Grumio!

       NATHANIEL.

       How now, old lad!

       GRUMIO. Welcome, you; how now, you; what, you; fellow, you; and thus much for greeting. Now, my spruce companions, is all ready, and all things neat?

      

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