LITMIR.BIZ

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weighing me down.

      ‘Jessie… that’s a lovely name…’ He smiled at me again and, just as suddenly as it had appeared, the tiredness seemed to dissipate, leaving me with a strange sense of calm. ‘Would you like some company, Jessie?’

      Was he coming on to me? But, as I looked at him, right into those ridiculously deep eyes of his, I knew it wasn’t like that. It was nothing like that. For some reason I just couldn’t explain, I felt incredibly comfortable with this man. This strange young man with the intense gaze and the soft voice. And, despite having planned this as a day to reflect, a day to be on my own and think about what it was I was supposed to do with this new, enforced future of mine, I suddenly realised that, yes. Yes, I did actually want some company.

      ‘I think I’d like that,’ I said, returning the smile he gave me. ‘I think I’d like that a lot.’

      *

      I sat down at the secluded corner table in the small and cosy café that Mikku had brought us to in the centre of town. It had a warm and welcoming atmosphere with terracotta and brown painted walls, a dark stone floor and a huge open fire at one end that crackled and burned from within an imposing stone fireplace decorated with candles and the most beautiful holly and berry garland. Fairy lights hung from the ceiling and Christmas songs played in the background, still audible above the sound of chatter from the many customers who were enjoying lunch, grabbing some time to relax away from the cold and the snow.

      ‘You look as though you have far too much on your mind.’ Mikku’s voice broke into my thoughts and I looked up as he sat down opposite me, now without the black jacket and hat he’d been wearing outside. He really was a striking young man with short, dark hair that matched those vivid, almost black, eyes. ‘I’m sorry, Jessie. I didn’t mean to speak out of turn, you just look a little… you look lost. You look sad.’

      I turned away for a second, looking out of the window at the far end of the café at the decorated shops opposite, people trudging past in their snow boots and layers of winter clothing, everyone gearing up for a Christmas they’d never forget. I had a strange feeling I wasn’t going to forget it in a hurry either. I just didn’t know why yet, and that made everything all the more confusing.

      ‘I’m not sad,’ I said, turning to face him, but the second his eyes met mine I felt my shoulders sag and I sighed, sitting back in my chair. ‘Okay, yes. I’m sad. And yeah, I guess I’m also a little bit lost.’

      Mikku sat back too, taking a sip of the gorgeous-smelling coffee he’d placed in front of us. ‘Are you here on holiday?’ he asked, his eyes still looking into mine.

      I broke the stare and shrugged, gazing down at my hands clasped tightly over my stomach. ‘I’m not really sure you could call it a holiday,’ I said quietly, catching sight of the red and blue friendship bracelet Jase had bought me that had been a permanent fixture on my left wrist for years now. I hadn’t been able to take it off. I didn’t want to because if I did then surely that was like saying goodbye to everything Jase and I had shared, and I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. Not yet. A sudden wave of sadness washed over me and if I hadn’t been sitting there in the middle of a crowded café then I was sure I’d have burst into tears. My emotions were still quite obviously all over the place. Even after all these months.

      ‘I can see it,’ Mikku said. ‘This aura of sadness. It’s all around you.’

      I slowly looked up, my eyes meeting his again and the strangest feeling flooded over me – a wave of something I couldn’t explain – but it was a nice feeling, a feeling of calm, almost.

      ‘You shouldn’t be this sad,’ Mikku smiled, a smile that was almost infectious, as I couldn’t help but smile back, even though it was the last thing I actually felt like doing.

      ‘No. I shouldn’t,’ I whispered, reaching out for the mug of coffee in front of me, taking the smallest of sips. It tasted like no coffee I’d ever tasted before – it was hard to explain the exact taste. All I knew was that it was the most incredible coffee I’d ever had the pleasure of drinking. And, for some unknown reason, just that one tiny sip had completely relaxed me. My shoulders felt looser, my stomach didn’t feel tied up in knots anymore and the threat of tears seemed a long way off. I just felt – I felt good. And, despite the fact it was all a little bit weird, I didn’t question it. I didn’t want to question it. I liked the way I was suddenly feeling.

      ‘So, Jessie, what brings you to the Arctic Circle?’ Mikku asked, leaning forward slightly, his elbows resting on the table, those dark eyes of his peering right into mine.

      I glanced down into my coffee for a few seconds. He seemed a genuinely nice guy, and there was nothing telling me otherwise, but I’d only met him barely a few minutes ago and I didn’t really feel much like telling him everything about me just yet. ‘Why don’t you tell me a little bit about you,’ I said, looking back up at him. ‘I’m going to take a bit of a wild guess here but, I’m assuming you hail from this part of the world? Judging by your accent?’

      He nodded, stirring his coffee but not taking his eyes off me. Yet there was nothing leering or weird about his stare. It was almost comforting. Today was certainly turning out to be a strange one, that was for sure.

      ‘So, what do you do here in Lapland? For a job, I mean?’ I asked, studying his handsome face. ‘Oh, sorry, am I being a bit nosy? Just tell me to mind my own business…’

      ‘It’s okay,’ he smiled, reaching out to gently touch my arm and as he did so I felt what could only be described as a tiny electric shock shoot right through me, followed by an intense warmth, like a blanket of calm wrapping itself around me. ‘You aren’t being nosy. Surely I’m the nosy one, asking you why you are here in Lapland when that really has nothing to do with me.’

      But as I looked into his eyes, I had the strangest feeling that it had quite a bit to do with him. I just had absolutely no idea how or why. Yet.

      Suddenly, Mikku pulled his hand away from my arm and sat back in his seat, his gaze slightly less intense now, but that smile was still there, still lighting up his youthful face. ‘I work here, in this café, sometimes…’ he began, his eyes fixed firmly on mine. ‘And I help out at the Christmas market, over the holiday period,’ he said, finally answering my question, even though I’d actually lost the thread of what we were supposed to be talking about, so strange were the feelings I was experiencing this afternoon, ‘…selling traditional Sami hand-crafted gifts and souvenirs.’

      I looked at him again, frowning slightly. ‘Sami…? Are you…?’

      He nodded, taking another sip of his coffee. ‘I’m Sami, yes. My family come from a small town not all that far from here, in fact, my mother still believes I should be back home helping my father and uncle herd reindeer, not working here. It’s been our family business for a long time, and she’s very much a lover of all things traditional.’

      ‘And you’re not?’ I asked, suddenly fascinated by this man. I knew that the Sami were very spiritual people, surrounded by myths and legends, and I’d hoped, but hadn’t thought for one minute, that I actually would get to meet a real-life Sami. Maybe it suddenly explained why I’d felt that instant connection to him. And surely there had to be a reason for that, didn’t there? Everything happened for a reason, I was a strong believer of that. Everything happened for a reason.

      Mikku shrugged, turning away from me for the first time since he’d sat down, glancing briefly over at the huge Christmas tree that stood by the side of the fireplace. ‘I guess I just wanted to spread my wings a little bit. See what else was out there. Things have changed so much for the Sami people over the years; I just wanted to make the most of that.’ He looked at me, smiling that smile again and the effect it had on me was incredible. It was almost as if his smile was guiding me, giving me back the focus I’d briefly lost, telling me just what it was I should do. ‘I’m really not that interesting, Jess.’

      I leant forward, cocking my head on one side as I took in every inch of his handsome face. He was younger than me, quite a bit younger than

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