The Baby Sleep Book: How to help your baby to sleep and have a restful night - Martha Sears

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mums, however, have told us that at age six months, twelve months, even eighteen months, their babies continue to wake up several times (or more!) each night to feed, and that they can no longer cope with this much night-feeding. They wish that their babies would learn that there is more than one way to fall asleep. Well, babies can learn other ways to sleep, and we will share ways to teach a baby new sleep associations later in this book. For now, we want you to know that many mothers breastfeed their babies to sleep for many months, feed them during the night, and still manage to get enough rest. If you currently enjoy breastfeeding your baby to sleep, we don’t want to get in the way of a good thing. One of the lessons we want you to learn about parenting is to enjoy the moment. We want you to get attached to your baby without worrying about a lot of what-ifs. (If frequent night feeding is a top concern, you will welcome the tips offered in chapter 6.)

      2. Feeding baby ALMOST to sleep. Breastfeeding parents who want Dad to be able to put baby to sleep, as well as Mum, often teach their baby sleep associations beyond breastfeeding. Baby breastfeeds at bedtime, settles down, and starts to feel drowsy. Then Dad takes over while baby drifts off to sleep, using walking or rocking while patting baby’s back, and other methods, for easing the transition into sleep. (See “Try Our Favourite Nighttime Fathering Strategies”). Bottle-feeding parents can use this approach, too, if they don’t want their baby falling asleep with a bottle in her mouth. This approach helps baby learn that there are other ways to fall asleep besides relying on the comfort of sucking. When you use this approach with an older infant who no longer needs two or three nighttime feedings, baby may be less likely to wake up at night and she may be more willing to go back to sleep with just some gentle patting or snuggling from either Mum or Dad.

      The main reason for getting baby used to other sleep associations is to avoid mother burnout from frequent night feeding of the older infant (the most frequent sleep concern we encounter in our pediatric practice). In the wonderful world of night feeding, babies absolutely love going fully to sleep at mother’s breast and having instant access to this warm and cosy prop when they awake, and if it’s working for you please don’t change. Yet, it often helps to add the finishing touch of another prop after feeding to help baby go from being awake, but drowsy, through light sleep into a state of deep sleep. Try these finishing touches:

       Feed, then pat, sing, or rock to sleep. Instead of feeding baby completely to sleep, breastfeed until she starts to slow down her sucking and closes her eyelids, but she’s not yet asleep. Ease your nipple out of her mouth (see Martha’s de-latching trick), and then rock, pat, or sing her down until she is completely asleep.

       Mother nurse, plus father nurse. Near the end of the feeding, ease baby gently into father’s arms to add the finishing touch (see a complete discussion of how fathers can do this, page). Then, hopefully, when baby wakes up, she is more likely to accept Dad or another caregiver putting her back to sleep using the same finishing touch.

       Add a variety of secondary sleep associations. You can use any of the tools listed on page to lull your baby to sleep. If these techniques are not working and baby insists on feeding to sleep, consider that a baby who is not willing is not yet ready. Give your baby a few weeks for her sleep patterns to mature and then try again.

      3. Putting baby to sleep without feeding. Easier said than done. Because of the sleep association principle discussed above, if baby always falls fully asleep the same way, especially at the breast, she will expect, demand, or even scream for the same prop – usually the breast – to put her back to sleep. Occasionally try putting your baby down when he is sleepy, but not totally asleep (or feeding almost to sleep as mentioned in tip number two). Learning to fall asleep without feeding teaches him that it’s okay to go to sleep in other ways. Expect that your baby might fuss when you try to use some of these sleep-inducing tools listed on page. If he does fuss more than just a little, remember the parenting principle: don’t persist with a bad experiment. Yet, even if just once or twice a week you try to put your baby down partially asleep, at least you’ve planted a bit of the “I can do it” association.

      4. Putting baby down to sleep independently. Some parents like to set up a more independent sleep arrangement early on, in which, hopefully, baby learns to settle himself down to sleep without much parental interaction. They reason that a baby who learns to fall asleep on his own will also be able to settle himself back to sleep on his own when he wakes during the night. This type of sleep training has become popular with some parents because it results in a “low maintenance” baby at night. It has also received a great deal of criticism because of the amount of crying that baby experiences during the training phase. Babies are born with an innate need for comfort and security while falling asleep, upon waking, while going back to sleep, and in some cases even while sleeping.

      Ideally, a human caregiver supplies this comfort. Babies who sleep independently usually need to have some sort of secondary sleep association handy to calm them when they are falling asleep and when they awaken. They may need motion, such as rocking, swinging or bouncing movements of a cradle, swing, or baby hammock. They may depend on a dummy. Perhaps they learn to associate soft music or other sounds with sleep. Parents develop a routine around this sleep association that lulls baby into dreamland.

      varying baby’s sleep associations

      Get baby used to a variety of sleep associations at bedtime. The way your baby goes to sleep is the way she expects to go back to sleep when she awakens. When baby is older, you and your partner may want to take turns putting baby to sleep. Baby will learn Mum’s way of getting her to sleep (probably feeding) and Dad’s way of getting her to sleep (walking, “wearing down” in the baby sling, rocking and humming, and so on). For example, you may decide that you want to have your baby sleep in bed with you, but you are going to vary what you do to help her fall asleep. Some nights Mum will feed baby to sleep. Other nights Dad will soothe baby to sleep. You both can vary your soothing techniques. Some nights wear baby down to sleep by walking her around in a baby sling carrier. Other nights lull her to sleep in a baby swing. Mum has the option of not feeding baby to sleep and instead using Dad’s “wearing down” technique. You can even vary where baby sleeps. Some nights put baby in her cradle. On other nights put her in a cot and bring her into bed with you when she wakes. Or, share the whole night in your big bed together.

      Research shows that a sleep-training method that involves extended crying alone (without parent comforting) is not emotionally or physically healthy for babies – or for parents. Very easy-going babies may be able to learn to fall asleep independently with only minimal fuss, and we will offer suggestions on how this can be done in an appropriately sensitive way later in the book. Remember, our goal is for you to create stress-free sleep associations that result in a happy, healthy sleeper.

      We’ll now go through a list of favourite sleep associations to help your baby fall asleep happier.

       Laying baby down to sleep – transitioning tips

      Babies don’t come equipped with the type of sleep switch that you can suddenly turn off at naptime and bedtime. Yet, a transitioning-to-sleep ritual can be like a dimmer switch that gradually tunes out and turns down stimulation in baby’s environment. In sleep psychology, this is known as “fading” (like what happens when you are listening to a dull talk). You can’t expect a baby to go from his exciting waking life right into sleep. (You don’t fall asleep this way, do you?) There has to be a transition time. Here are some favourites that have worked in our families:

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