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      Introduction

       This life is a test, it is only a test. If this were a real life it would have come with further instructions.

       I don’t remember who said this originally but I find it to be oddly realistic. Life is filled with trials and tribulations and though I may have been through many, I am sure that there are many others who have been through much more than I. All in all I believe that I have had a good life and I am a very lucky man. While reading my book you will be able to see that I have had many thoughts that were of a negative view. I had ups and downs and many times I did not know how to deal with them, nor did I feel at the time that anyone else felt the same way that I did. Most of my life I felt alone and much like an outcast.

       Not only have I come to realize that I am not alone, I have also realized that I am an outcast in my own right. Now, I’m not saying that is a bad thing. As I have matured I have come to terms with my uniqueness. We all have unique qualities that make us who we are.

       When I was writing these poems as a teenager I was very depressed and unsure of what life was even about, much less who I was. I was on a proverbial roller coaster attempting to find acceptance. Funny how I never really did. My poetry that you will find in this book was written by me as a teenager who was lost. Sometimes I thought that I was found and other times I had no idea that I was even lost. There were a lot of loves for me and a lot of heartbreaks. Some redemption, some satisfaction, some let downs, some great times and a lot of loneliness. But above all I learned a lot about life. Unfortunately I don’t think that I learned enough, but do we ever?

       I do hope that you enjoy this book and can find some comfort in knowing that you are not alone. None of us are truly alone, although at times it may feel that way. Enjoy, indulge, laugh, cry, get angry, but most importantly, just feel. For that is what makes life truly special.

      Lost Love 10/18/92

      Take one look

      Look at me

      We all know that we were meant to be

      All the love

      Shown to me

      Oh how can I return to you

      What you’ve been giving me

      Just be yourself

      Or so you say

      Day by day

      Going away

      Oh why do I have to say

      Goodbye to all I’ve ever wanted to have in this day

      I love you

      And you say so too

      Why is it so

      That our love can grow

      That’s all I want

      Is to know

      Oh why is it that you love me so

      There’s so much here

      And it’s true

      That I will wait all these years for you

      Just come back

      Is all I want

      And if that cannot be

      Just remember me

      Feelings Held Inside 12/31/92

      This song is for when I’m gone

      Now we haven’t known each other for long

      But time is not needed to find true love

      Not for true love

      True Love

      Only honest feeling is what it’s made of

      Made of the feeling held inside

      Oh the feelings held inside

      Now I’m gone but that’s not true

      I’ll always be here waiting for you

      Because the feelings held inside

      Oh the feeling held inside

      I miss you so much

      I’m longing to feel your touch

      It’s been so long

      That I’ve been gone

      Holding my feelings inside

      Oh the feelings held inside

      What are you waiting for

      I’d like to know

      So I know if I should go

      Cause I’m feeling the feelings held inside

      Oh the feelings held inside

      But if you love me

      And you really care

      Just let me know

      Not by a word

      Not by a letter

      Not by a friend

      How you ask

      By the feelings held inside

      Oh the feelings held inside

      Just be honest with your feelings

      Your feelings held inside

      Oh the feelings held inside

      Be honest with me

      And our love will always be

      By the feelings held inside

      Oh the feelings held inside

      Devils Temptation 1/7/92

      The night has come

      All is dead

      Nothing left of what we had

      Now all is said and done

      There is no turning back

      This is a song about World War Three

      There is nothing left here but me

      How did I live, well I’ll tell you

      All goes back to the days of the new

      When God was here he made me

      Now all I do is corrupt thee

      Nuclear weapons is what I’m for

      Because they kill and that’s for sure

      In this song I tell all

      That’s cause I am standing tall

      God said I could not win

      But now look at the earth and the shape it’s in

      So now you know who I am

      I’m the one called Satan

      I’m the one that you live for

      I’m the one that you sin for

      I’m the one that you kill for

      I’m the one that you cry for

      I’m the one that you die for

      I’m the one that you fear

      Cause I’m the one that’s always near

      There is no escaping me

      Cause you are bound to be

      One of the servants of thee

      Now what is left for me to say

      Just the fact that you will pay

      Through all of eternity for not worshiping me

      You can be sure that it will

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