LITMIR.BIZ

Скачать книгу

bother you that mud is muddy?”

      “Not really. I don’t think about mud very often.”

      “Yes, and that’s my whole point. Most of us go through entire weeks and months without thinking about mud, yet you brought up the subject.”

      “I did?”

      “You certainly did. You asked my opinion about good mud.”

      His eyes blanked out. “I’ll be derned. What did you say?”

      “I said . . . never mind. Why did you bring up the subject of mud in the first place?”

      “Well, let me think.” He scowled and rolled his eyes around. “Wait, I just remembered. You said Sally May found some good mud.”

      I took a deep breath and looked up at the sky. “Drover, please pay attention. I said that Sally May appears to be in a good mood.”

      “I’ll be derned. I wonder why.”

      “I was trying to listen so that I could find out, but you started blabbering about mud. Stop talking about mud.”

      “Sorry.” He sneezed. “Gosh, baby I’be allergig to bud.”

      “You’re not allergic to mud, but you might be losing your marbles.”

      “I doed have any barbles.”

      “Maybe that’s it.”

      Drover does this all the time, you know. He pulls me into a conversation and all at once, I realize that nobody has any idea what we’re talking about. Sometimes I think . . . never mind.

      I left him alone with his runny nose and turned my attention back to the house, just in time to hear Sally May exclaim, “I have an exciting announcement to make.”

      Slim and Loper sat up and looked at her. Loper said, “Oh?”

      She clapped her hands together. “I’ve invited the church choir out for a picnic tomorrow. While I go to town and shop for groceries, you boys can mow and rake and clean up the yard. Oh, and we’ve got a bunch of dandelions in the front yard.”

      Sally May didn’t notice the dead silence that had fallen over the cowboy crowd, but I did. Loper’s eyes darted around for a moment, then he glanced at his watch and stood up.

      “Hon, that sounds great, but I’ve got an appointment with the accountant at nine. I’d better get moving. Give Slim a list of things to do.”

      Sally May went back into the house, leaving Slim and Loper alone. Slim’s face had turned to cement. “Loper, most people think you’re a low-down skunk. Not me. I think you’re worse than that.”

      “Don’t take it personally. I really do need to talk to the accountant.”

      “Yeah, and it’s odd that you didn’t think about it until your wife pulled out the Honey-Do List.”

      Loper shrugged. “We all have our gifts and talents. You’re better at yard work than I am.”

      “How would you know? The last time you did any yard work, you were in the third grade.”

      Loper cackled. “You know, hardship seems to bring out your sense of humor. By this afternoon, you’ll be right up there with Mark Twain.”

      Slim leaned forward and glared at him. “Hey Loper, I hired onto this outfit as a cowboy. Remember cowboys? They do things with a horse and a catch-rope.”

      Loper tossed down the last swig of coffee. “Well, you were never much good at either one, so we’re trying to find little jobs to keep you out of trouble. I’ll get back as soon as I can.”

      Loper headed for the house. Slim’s glare followed him. “I know you will. Hey, aren’t you forgetting something?”

      Loper stopped and turned around. “What?”

      Slim stuck out his hand. “Five bucks, buddy. A deal’s a deal.”

      Loper came back, dug his wallet out of his hip pocket, and laid a five-dollar bill across Slim’s palm. “Slim, that’s the best five bucks I ever spent. Be happy in your work.”

      Whistling a tune, Loper went into the house. Slim remained in his chair for another minute, fuming in silence.

      Chapter Two: Alfred’s Great Idea

      Yes, old Slim was in a bad mood, still fuming when Loper drove away in his pickup. He was in such a high snit, we dogs had to activate the Sharing of Pain. Following our procedures, we went into Mournful Eyes, Sad Ears, and Dead Tail.

      It seemed to be working, and I think we had him going in the right direction, when Sally May and Baby Molly came out, dressed up for their trip to the grocery store, and Sally May gave him her list of things to do.

      It was a long list, and my impression was that Slim didn’t enjoy reading it. Then Sally May said, “Oh, and I think I’ll let Alfred stay with you. There’s nothing for him to do in town, and maybe he can help.”

      Slim stared at her. “Oh good.”

      Alfred said, “Mom, I wanted to go to town.”

      “Nevertheless,” she kissed him on the cheek, “you’ll stay and help Slim.”

      Moments later, she drove away, leaving the four of us (me, Drover, Slim, and Alfred) standing in a cloud of dust and a heavy silence. The silence grew heavier by the second and, when nobody spoke, I felt the need to whap my tail on the ground.

      It’s a gesture we use in awkward moments, don’t you see, and sometimes it helps to remove some of the explosive vapors from the air.

      The boy had Pout written all over his face. “I don’t like working in the dumb old yard.”

      Slim grumbled, “It’s genetic, son.”

      “What does that mean?”

      “Never mind. Come back in ten years and I’ll explain it.” He headed for the machine shed, and we followed. “For now, here’s all you need to know. At Slim’s Day Care Service, we have a short list of rules: Don’t make noise, don’t get in the way, don’t make a mess, and most of all, don’t ask a bunch of questions.”

      “My mom says it’s good to ask questions.”

      “Yeah, well, your mom ain’t here.”

      “Is it okay if I breathe?”

      “If you’re quiet, one breath every hour.”

      “What if I faint?”

      “You’ll get eaten up by red ants.”

      “They eat little boys?”

      “All the time.”

      “Are you teasing?”

      “Heck no. Them ants would rather eat a little boy than a bowl of ice cream.”

      “Can we have some ice cream?”

      “No.”

      “I’m hungry.”

      “Take your troubles to the Lord. I don’t care.”

      We continued walking toward the machine shed. “Hey, Swim?”

      “What.”

      “Can I throw the cat in the stock tank?”

      Slim stopped and looked down at the boy. “Now, why would you want to do that?”

      Alfred shrugged. “He needs a bath. And I’m bored.”

      “Bored, huh? Well, boredom’s a sure path to knowledge.

Скачать книгу