LITMIR.BIZ

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unless they’re going on a trip.”

      I cut my eyes from side to side. Somehow the little moron had brought this senseless conversation right back where it had started, and had even managed to point out the first important clue in the case—a clue I had observed and had been trying to mention, only he had pulled me into the swamp of his blabbering.

      I don’t know how he does it.

      He’s the weirdest little mutt I ever knew.

      And it really burned me up that he’d stolen my clue, but I didn’t have much time to think about it because at that very moment Loper swung the car into the gravel drive. I was just sitting there, minding my own business and trying to recover from Drover’s latest assault on my mental health, and . . .

      Loper blew the horn and stuck his head out the window. “Get out of the way! We’ve got places to go and you’re sitting in the way of progress.”

      Fine. I could take a hint, but he didn’t need to screech at me and blow the horn.

      Dogs have feelings too.

      I moved, but not before he blew the horn again. That really wasn’t necessary, but when he gets in a hurry . . . oh well.

      He jumped out of the car and dashed into the house. Hmm, very strange. It appeared that someone was fixing to leave on a trip. The evidence was certainly stacking up that way.

      I took this opportunity to do a quick Wash and Clean on the car tires. They were pretty dusty and needed to be shined up. That done, I drifted back to the yard gate to watch the loading operation. Slim had come up from the corrals by then and was leaning against the car, cleaning his fingernails with a pocket knife.

      Have I pointed out that Slim always seems to be leaning against something or other? It’s true. Once his legs quit moving, he just naturally slumps against whatever is handy—a post, a tree, the side of a building, or a car. It’s no big deal, I suppose, but it’s the kind of detail a Head of Ranch Security is likely to notice.

      You never see us dogs leaning against things.

      He was leaning against the car. I went over to him and sat down. I gave him Friendly Wags and he said, “Howdy, pooch.”

      At that very moment the back door burst open and Loper staggered out, loaded down with suitcases, Molly’s diaper bag, and Molly’s high chair. The expression on his face would have caused a grizzly bear to run. His brow had formed a maze of wrinkles. His eyes were bulging out and that big vein in the middle of his forehead was showing.

      He saw Slim. “Hey! Would it be too much trouble for you to open the gate?”

      Slim looked up from his fingernail business and grinned. “Y’all moving?” He put away his knife and opened the gate. With all this baggage, Loper didn’t quite fit through the opening of the gate, but he managed to smash his way through, causing things to scrape and snap.

      “Thanks. How about the car door? I know you’re busy, but maybe you could work that into your schedule.”

      Slim opened the back door. “Shore. Be glad to, you being so sweet and everything.”

      Loper pitched the stuff inside. “How can one woman and one baby need so much junk? Do you think we’re going on an ocean cruise for a month? No! This is for two days in Abilene! And this is only half of it. I’ve still got another load.”

      Slim nodded and tried to bite back his smile. “Anything I can do to help?”

      “Sure. You go to Abilene and let me stay at the ranch where I belong.”

      “Gosh, I wish I could.”

      Loper stabbed him with a pair of ice pick eyes. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

      “No, I hate to see a fellow cowboy suffer.”

      “Ha! The Lord loves a cheerful liar.” He glanced at his watch. “We should have been on the road thirty minutes ago.” Shaking his head and muttering under his breath, he stalked back into the house.

      Instantly, and I mean immediately, Slim slumped against the car and fished a toothpick out of his shirt pocket. “He sure gets gripey, don’t he? I can’t imagine why his in-laws would want him around. I’ll be glad to be rid of him for a couple of days.” He took a big yawn and stretch. “I plan to have me a nice restful holiday, pooch.”

      The back door flew open and out came Loper again, loaded down with more bags and suitcases. He struggled down the sidewalk and yelled for Slim to open the gate for him. Slim did, at his usual speed.

      “Now, get the keys and unlock the trunk, would you?” Slim did, again at his usual speed. Loper stood there, holding all the bags and watching Slim move in slow motion. He gave his head a shake. “Slim, Abilene’s going to be in ruins before you get the dadgum trunk unlocked. Would you hurry?”

      Slim nodded and came around to the rear of the car. He held up the key ring, which had about fifteen keys on it. He tried one and it didn’t work. He tried another and it didn’t work. When the third key didn’t work, Loper dropped the bags and trotted back to the house.

      “You load the trunk and I’ll see if I can get that woman out of the house.”

      The door slammed. Slim shifted his toothpick over to the other side of his mouth and looked down at me. “Well, there ain’t but one key that’ll open the trunk, and I don’t figger he’d want me to use a can opener. Everything takes time.”

      Just then the back door flew open again and Loper stepped out on the porch. He looked up at the sky, took off his hat and fanned his face, and heaved a deep sigh.

      “Never mind the trunk, Slim. The trip’s been called off.”

      Chapter Two: Little Alfred Has Measles

      Loper came out to the gate and joined us. “Alfred’s got some red spots on his chest. He doesn’t act sick but Sally May thinks he’s coming down with measles. She doesn’t think he ought to expose all the kinfolks.”

      Slim nodded. “Can you get someone to stay with him?”

      “No. Too late. We’ll just stay here.”

      “Well, you don’t act very happy about it. Five minutes ago you were mad ’cause you had to leave. Now you’re mad ’cause you can’t.”

      Loper studied him for a moment. “Slim, you have no idea how life is lived in the Real World. All you bachelors have to do is decide which kind of jelly you want on your peanut butter sandwich.”

      “Well, I like jelly. And it’s good for you. I read an article in the Picayune that said grape jelly is better for you than a trainload of lettuce leaves.”

      “That’s baloney.”

      “Well now, they said baloney was high in vitamins too. That was one of the best articles I ever read.”

      Loper shook his head. “Look, I didn’t want to go on this trip, but once the plans were made and the bags were packed, I was ready get on with it. Now she thinks Alfred’s got measles. I don’t know whether I’m coming or going.”

      “That’s too bad. I was looking forward to some peace and quiet, once I got you off the place.”

      “Well, you can forget that. If I have to stay home, we’re going to get some work done around here.”

      Slim nodded and looked at the sky. “Course, I guess Alfred could stay with me.”

      Loper’s eyes came up. “You?” He laughed. “You?”

      “What’s

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