LITMIR.BIZ

      He poked his finger at the mouth bit, which is what you do when one of them needs feeding. ‘There, that’s better isn’t it, Lil Gordy?’ he cooed.

      ‘Ugh, I can’t take any more of this,’ said Nancy, slamming her book shut. ‘I think I’ll go and find something more interesting to do.’

      ‘It’s your life, Verkenwerken!’ shouted Darren as she wandered off, and he whipped Dazzy Rascal out of his pocket. Its eyes were closed and it purred quietly.

      ‘Ooh you are lucky Daz,’ whispered Shazza. ‘Wish my one’d sleep through like that.’

      ‘It was a different story last night Shaz,’ yawned Darren. ‘I was up with him every two hours.’

      ‘Worth it though, innit,’ I said, sounding like my mum when she talks to her mum-friends about my baby brother Desmond.

      The sun was going down and my nose twitched, sniffing the smell of my dinner wafting over from my house, mixed in with the stench of Mogden Sewers.

      ‘I’ll see you lot bright and early Monday morning,’ I said, plopping Barry Junior in my pocket. ‘If we’re gonna beat those Green Giants we’ve got a lot of work to do!’

      Suddenkeely it was Monday morning and we were all standing in the playground at school.

      ‘First things first,’ I said, clapping my hands together. ‘We need a team name.’

      ‘Ooh you should be good at this Bazzy,’ said Shaz. ‘You’re always coming up with stupid names for stuff!’

      ‘Thank you Sharonella,’ I said, thinking back on all the amazekeel names I’ve come up with since I’ve been alive, including for my nine hamsters, all of which are now comperleeterly dead.

      ‘How about The Darrens?’ said Darren, and I scoffed.

      ‘Nice try, Darrenofski,’ I said. ‘But no banana.’

      ‘Gordon’s Giants?’ said Gordon, and Shazza shook her head.

      ‘That sounds exackerly like Green Giants,’ she said.

      ‘Yeah, expect it’s Gordon’s instead of Green,’ snapped Gordon.

      ‘Guys, guys, guys,’ I said in my Coach Loser voice, which is just my normal, regular voice. ‘Let’s try and support each other’s ideas, shall we?’

      Bunky scratched his no-beard.

      ‘The Mogden Maniacs?’ he said, and I clicked my fingers.

      ‘I’ve got it!’ I cried. ‘The Mogden Maniacs.’

      ‘That’s what I said,’ muttered Bunky.

      ‘Is it?’ I said. ‘Well shall we just go with my idea instead?’

      Bunky squinted, his tiny little brain getting all confused. ‘Erm, o-kay . . .’ he said. ‘We should probably get on with some practice anyway.’

      ‘Good point, Captain,’ I said. ‘Everybody drop and give me a hundred.’

      ‘A hundred what?’ asked Stuart.

      ‘Press-ups, of keelse,’ I grinned.

      ‘Why don’t you give ME a hundred press-ups?’ said Darren, as Bunky got on the ground and started pumping his arms up and down.

      ‘Good boy, Captain!’ I smiled, wondering if I was overdoing the whole Captain thing a bit.

      ‘One, two, three . . .’ he panted, his face going red.

      Sharonella joined in. ‘That’s the spirit, Shaz!’ I boomed. ‘Shmendrix, Smugly - don’t hold back. You too, Darrenofski!’

      Stuart and his sort-of boss dropped to their knees next to Shazza. ‘One, two . . .’ gasped Gordon. ‘I’m doing this for the TEAM . . . three, four . . . not for YOU, Loser!’

      ‘That’s COACH Loser to you,’ I said.

      ‘If you say that one more time . . .’ said Darren, not finishing his sentence.

      ‘Right, that’s a hundred more press-ups for you, Darrenofski,’ I shouted. ‘What are you, a Maniac or a mouse?’

      I was really beginning to get into this being a coach thing.

      Darren looked down at the ball in his hands. ‘You want me to act like a maniac?’ he asked.

      ‘Yes please,’ I smiled.

      And he booted the ball right at my shnozzle.

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