LITMIR.BIZ

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off my wish list for the foreseeable future. I barely survived the last one. All I want for Christmas is to forget about Lucas Brodie and remind myself I’m Freya Darrow—the woman who is Christmas personified, not some sad and lonely divorcee who spent last year crying into her eggnog.’ So they weren’t officially divorced, but since she hadn’t seen Lucas again from the moment he’d walked out on her, Freya had eventually had to accept the marriage was over. She’d reverted back to her maiden name when she’d decided to rid all traces of him from her life once and for all.

      In those heady days of their intense romance, she supposed they’d never taken the time to find out about each other beyond who they’d become as a couple. So physically wrapped up in each other and the idea of being together to care about anything else, they’d left no space for her to confide in him about the loss she’d suffered as a teenager or for him to share his apparently opposing views on starting a family. During the early days of their marriage she’d been so happy she hadn’t wanted to spoil anything by reopening the old wounds of her past, naively believing everything would simply fall into place.

      Then, when Lucas’s moods had become unpredictable, she’d been afraid to upset either of them any more by bringing up the issue, unaware that while she’d been making plans for a family he had already been plotting an escape route. He’d given up on them before even admitting there’d been a problem; without even trying to resolve whatever issue which had been so great he’d seen no other option rather than to leave. It made her doubt if the strength of her feelings for him and investment in their relationship had ever been reciprocated.

      ‘I’m glad to see you back to your old self but, ah, there is something about Lucas I should probably tell you...’

      ‘I don’t want to know. I’m only thinking happy thoughts this weekend.’ Freya refused to let further mention of him steal what little there was left of her enthusiasm for the season and shoved the end of a candy cane in her mouth for a peppermint sugar hit. The rumours Lucas was back, working in their sister hospital across the city, had reached her ears too but she didn’t want to think about it. Not now when she was just starting to pull her own life back together.

      It wasn’t so long ago she’d spent Christmas making tearful phone calls around hospitals and friends, trying to find out if he was even still alive. There’d been several days of sheer panic and disbelief before she’d heard he’d gone on sick leave from work and didn’t want to be contacted. Apparently that had included her. To this day she still didn’t know if there’d been someone else, or if her talk of starting a family had made him have serious second thoughts about spending the rest of his life with her. He hadn’t done her the courtesy of ever explaining himself. Not that it would change what had happened now when she was finally trying to move on.

      There was no way she’d let memories of her absentee husband spoil things now after she’d spent the week overdosing on schmaltzy Christmas films and hot chocolate in an attempt to recapture her love of the season again. This trip to the Arctic Circle was just what she needed to restore her faith in human nature and awaken her inner child. Plus it was a bonus to embrace every tacky, glittery bauble associated with the spectacle Lucas had despised so much.

      ‘Merry Christmas,’ Freya repeated to every little soul as they were helped on board, ashamed she was even thinking about herself today. This was a break from reality for all of them. Even the parents and siblings left at home would enjoy some respite themselves this weekend with a getaway in the Scottish countryside funded by the charity. It made a change for everyone whose lives normally revolved around hospital appointments and stress.

      ‘Is Santa here yet?’ A particularly eager young man ran down the aisle in search of the man in red.

      ‘I told you, Sam, we see Santa at the end of the trip. Try not to get yourself over-excited before we even leave Scotland.’ The volunteer assigned to him followed down the aisle, clutching an asthma inhaler in her hand.

      ‘Someone’s keen.’ Freya loved the enthusiasm, even though it was a tad premature. They had a whole itinerary to keep tiny spirits up until they reached Santa’s grotto deep in the winter wonderland of the Finnish forests. The excitement was catching already and she couldn’t help but hope for a little magic herself by the end of the weekend. A memory swipe of her ill-advised workplace romance and an embarrassingly short marriage should do it. Failing that, she was a sucker for cuddly toys.

      ‘His mum said he’s been looking forward to this for weeks.’ Young Sam and his aide took their seats and Freya could almost feel the sense of relief as well as expectation from everyone. This was an escape into fantasy and a chance for them all simply to be children again.

      ‘Oh, to be that young and carefree again,’ Freya whispered after them, hankering for the life she’d had before a runaway husband had left her so jaded and cynical.

      ‘I really think you should know...’ Gillian tried again to force the shadow of Lucas over the proceedings and she was wondering if her friend was trying to tell her he’d been spotted with another woman. After such a lengthy separation it was really none of Freya’s business who Lucas might have hooked up with in the interim, or who he might see in the future, but the pain was still too raw for her to find out for sure. It had made it impossible to go and confront him at work when she’d heard he was back. She couldn’t face seeing him, knowing he was happier without her, when she’d been broken into a thousand pieces without him. His reluctance to come to her and explain his whereabouts for these past months said everything about his complete disregard for her feelings.

      ‘I think that’s everyone on board now. We should find our seats for take-off. Once we’re safely up in the air and the captain gives us the go-ahead we can organise the in-flight entertainment.’ With virtual fingers in her ears, she put her head down and took her seat near the front of the plane, which was thankfully on the opposite side from Gillian’s. She didn’t want to spend the next few hours listening to a running commentary on her ex’s exploits since he’d returned from the wilderness. Left with no other choice, Gillian huffed out a breath and buckled herself in across the aisle.

      The lovely smiley member of the cabin crew who’d helped them decorate the inside of the plane with tinsel patted Freya on the knee to get her attention. ‘We’re just waiting for one more to arrive. Then we’ll close the doors and really get this party started.’

      ‘Of course. We wouldn’t be going very far without the doctor, would we?’ She prayed there wasn’t some sort of medical emergency holding up the very man who’d be coordinating the children’s medical care. They’d already had one of the non-medical volunteers pull out, leaving them short-handed. As lead nurse she’d agreed to supervise two of the children herself but they really couldn’t do without the doctor.

      ‘They’ve just called from the departure gate to say he’s on his way now.’

      At least the delay meant she could take a breather for a little while before she had to face her next challenge. Take-off was the one part of the flight experience she never enjoyed. That moment when the plane left solid ground and the world grew ever smaller beneath her was always a nail-biter.

      She settled back in her seat and attempted to relax. From the moment they were up in the air until the time they landed back in Scotland, there wouldn’t be much time for her to rest.

      ‘Ladies and gentlemen, we have our last passenger on board, so we can close the cabin doors and prepare for take-off.’ The announcement was made as a windswept figure dashed on board and received a round of applause and a chorus of cheers.

      Not from Freya. She was dumbstruck. Too traumatised to even remember how to breathe.

      Lucas.

      Here.

      Now.

      Unless she was having some sort of sugar-induced hallucination, he’d just stepped onto the plane.

      ‘Sorry I’m late. Car trouble.’ The late arrival shook the rain from his thick blond hair. Freya blinked as the water droplets showered over her and she was forced to face the fact her ex-husband was actually here. Not only that, he had

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