LITMIR.BIZ

       CHAPTER ONE

      CARRIE STARED THROUGH the murky window of the train station café as she waited for her mother to return from the bathroom. Her heart beat fast and her hands trembled around an oversize latte. When her stomach heaved with trepidation, she pushed the drink away.

      Never in a million years did she imagine she’d be in her current position.

      Successful, hardworking and entirely independent...but also mum to a two-year-old little girl. A little girl with jet-black hair and bright blue eyes so like her father’s. Carrie swallowed. Maybe Belle didn’t need to know her biological father. Maybe I don’t need to find a man I slept with over and over again in the sexiest and most fantastical week of my life.

      She snapped her eyes open and inhaled a strengthening breath. No. She had to do this. It was Christmas, and Lord only knew when she’d have a decent amount of time away from the studio again. She had to put things right. She’d promised herself she’d do everything she could do to find Scott. No more deceit. No more secrets. New year, new start.

      Tears burned and Carrie closed her eyes against the images of her deceased husband’s cut and bruised face. Gerard’s green eyes had pleaded with her as he lay in a hospital bed, holding on to the last minutes of his life.

      “Find him, Carrie. Find Belle’s father. She’ll want to know him one day.” Gerard tightened his grip on her hand. “Find him. Be happy.”

      In that moment, everything became clear. Carrie had looked into Gerard’s eyes and known how badly she’d failed to convince him Scott was nothing to her, that the night, that had so quickly become a week, was only a distant memory. Tears burned. She’d never forgotten a moment of it. She’d never forgotten Scott....

      “Your train’s here, sweetheart. Time to go.”

      Her mother’s voice filtered through Carrie’s memories and she abruptly stood, hitching her tote bag onto her shoulder. “I am doing the right thing, aren’t I?”

      Her mother’s concerned gaze ran over Carrie’s face. “You’re having second thoughts?”

      Carrie swallowed and closed her eyes as, once again, guilt pressed down on her that her reasons for finding Scott weren’t entirely motivated by their daughter. What kind of person grieved her husband for a year and then began to have thoughts about a man she hadn’t seen for three years? She opened her eyes. “I’m just scared of what will happen once Scott sees me after all this time.” She exhaled and stared through the open café door at the bustling platform. “I have no idea if he still lives in Templeton. Worse, we both made it perfectly clear we would draw a line under that time from the moment I left. Now, when I turn up out of the blue and tell him he has a daughter...”

      Her mother frowned. “If you’re not ready, wait. Belle is little more than a toddler. You have time.”

      Carrie sighed. “Do I? If Gerard’s accident didn’t teach me how quickly life can change, nothing will. What I want doesn’t come into it. I have to do this.” Carrie forced a smile in a bid to allay the worry in her mother’s eyes. “I’m being silly. Everything will be okay. Belle has a right to know her birth father. Scott was a really nice guy. I’m sure he still is.”

      “Well, if he’s in Templeton, you’ll find him.” Her mother gripped her hands and smiled softly. “I can still come with you, you know.”

      Carrie shook her head. “I have to do this alone.” She winked. “Besides, if Dad has to look after Belle on his own for more than a few hours, God knows what we’d come back to.”

      Her mother laughed. “Well, there is that, I suppose.”

      Carrie lifted her chin, her stomach knotting. “I should’ve done this years ago and then maybe the guilt I’m feeling wouldn’t be quite so heavy.”

      “You were adamant you didn’t want a stranger in Belle’s life.” Her mother cupped Carrie’s jaw. “You didn’t know this man. You still don’t. You did what you thought was right at the time. No good will come of looking back.”

      Carrie frowned. “But what if I’m wrong now? What if...what if this is more about what I need to do to clear my conscience than what’s right for Belle?”

      Her mother’s gaze filled with sympathy. “If you want to turn around and walk out of this station right now, we can. Lord knows, I’d be lying if I said the fact you’re getting on a train to find a man you don’t know doesn’t frighten me half to death.”

      Trepidation and fear of the unknown battled as Carrie’s heart hammered. “I want a fresh start in the New Year. I want to pick myself up and start living again. The chances are Scott won’t want anything to do with Belle, or me, which is fine. I can come back home knowing I did my best by Belle and we’re free to live our lives, just the two of us.” Liar. Scott’s her daddy. Her family...and you’ve not had a single day in the last three years when he hasn’t snuck into your head.

      Despite the lines wrinkling her mother’s brow, she smiled and her gaze softened. “You’re a brave woman taking control of your life.” She glanced toward the window and the idling train beyond. “No matter how much your father and I are going to worry about you the entire time you’re in Templeton.”

      Carrie looped her hand through her mother’s arm. “No matter what happens next, Gerard was my husband, and I’ll never forget how much he loved us, but I have to do this.”

      “Then don’t let the lessons he taught you about love be wasted. You’re human and you need to let this guilt go. Belle is the best thing in your life. She’s your daughter and you love her. Tracking down her biological father will never change the fact that little girl is yours.”

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