LITMIR.BIZ

       CHAPTER TWO

      SHE WANTED TO run. Run to escape the confines of the hospital and her professional reputation. Run until she was so exhausted that there was no chance of being able to think about the lawsuit, Tate, or Matt. Run as far and as hard as she could until the only pain she could feel was the burning in her lungs and the tightness in her chest and not the emptiness in her heart. As she entered the hospital hallway the only other thought in her head was how to get out of the building as quickly as possible without having to talk, see, or take care of anyone else. She needed to be alone, needed to gain control of her thoughts before she risked sharing them with anyone.

      “Kate!” She looked up to see her best friend, Chloe Darcy, leaning against the hallway wall, waiting for her. Chloe had been her best friend since the first day of medical school when the two women had sat next to each other, and they had been constants in each other’s lives since. Chloe had chosen emergency medicine and was almost as busy as Kate. The fact that the two women still found time for each other was a tribute to the strength of their relationship. When Kate reached Chloe she felt her friend’s assessment. “Do you want to talk about it?”

      “No,” she replied, turning her head in dissent, her eyes shut against the scene that had just unfolded.

      “Okay. Is there anything I can do to make it better?” Chloe offered, not pushing Kate, as usual. Kate couldn’t help but smile at her best friend. Chloe was the most beautiful person Kate had ever known, both inside and out. When they had met in medical school Kate had been an emotional disaster and most of her classmates had not made the effort to befriend her, but not Chloe. She had sat by her side daily, never prying, never pushing, just being there for the little things, until Kate had realized that she had found a true friend.

      With a sense of horror Kate felt her resolve begin to crumble. Kindness at that very moment had been enough to push her over the edge. Chloe read her friend perfectly.

      “Kate, let’s get you out of here before you ruin your macho surgical reputation.” She felt her friend’s strong grip on her arm as she led her down the hall. Moments later they were in the women’s change room, away from at least half of the prying eyes that filled the hospital.

      “Kate, I know how private you are but sometimes it does help to talk about things.” Chloe spoke quietly, her voice intentionally no louder than necessary.

      Kate stared back at Chloe and knew she could tell her anything. She wanted to pour out every thought and feeling inside her in the hope that the purge would rid her of the maelstrom of emotion tormenting her. But how could you explain to someone something you couldn’t bring yourself to face? “I can’t, Chloe, I just can’t.”

      It was the truth. She couldn’t explain what had happened, how she was feeling, what she was going to do, what she should do, and she couldn’t talk about Matt and Tate without completely breaking what little of herself she felt she was still holding together.

      Chloe stepped back and Kate could tell she wanted say something and was choosing her words carefully. “Kate, you are one of the strongest women I know and there is nothing you cannot do or overcome. You just need to remind yourself of that more often.”

      Perfection, thought Kate. Chloe was always perfect in her words and in her support and her friendship. At that moment Chloe felt like the only secure thing in her life and more than she deserved. “Thank you. You’re not so bad yourself.” She smiled weakly at the understatement.

      “Keep that in mind, Kate. You can’t keep living your life holding everything on the inside and hidden from those who love and care about you.” It was the closest Chloe had ever come to confronting her and she recognized the truth and sentiment behind her friend’s words.

      “I know.” Her acknowledgement surprised even herself. It was another truth to add to the avalanche rolling through her mind and threatening to bury her. “But I can’t, not here and not tonight.”

      “I know, Kate. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy for you to see him today and I don’t expect you to change overnight.”

      Kate blanched. How did Chloe know about Matt? She had never talked about Matt to anyone.

      Chloe noted her friend’s pallor and lowered her voice even further to ensure complete privacy. “Kate, are you sure you are okay with Tate and I still being friends? You need to be honest with me and tell me if you’re not.”

      Kate felt relief wash through her and then guilt for focusing on Matt and forgetting the significance of today’s meeting with Tate. Chloe had been talking about Tate. There was no one other than she and Matt who knew about their past together. Matt was her past and even though he was forcing himself back into her present, what had happened between them was something she had never told anyone about, and she only hoped he had done the same.

      Chloe was staring, waiting for a response, and she had to think hard to remember the question.

      “Chloe, you are an amazing friend to me and to anyone else you decide to be friends with. If feeling worse about what happened with Tate was possible, thinking that I ruined your friendship with him would make it so.”

      She reached over and hugged her friend, trying to convey her emotions with the uncharacteristic action.

      “I need to get out of here. Thank you, Chloe, for being my friend and knowing me better than I know myself sometimes.”

      “Always.” Chloe smiled.

      It was raining and she didn’t care. She didn’t even attempt to avoid puddles as she ran along the trail parallel to the Charles River. She let her feet strike the wet pavement as music blared in her ears and she tried to free herself from the memories that had been flooding her mind since the initial shock of seeing Matt again had worn off. The cold spring rain hit her face and blended with the warm tears that streamed from her eyes. Classic Kate, she chastised herself. Hold everything in as though nothing is wrong and then cry alone so no one can see that you are hurting, so no one thinks you are weak. The irony was that it made her feel even weaker.

      As the miles passed she forced herself to accept that Matt McKayne was back in her life and she had no idea why or what he wanted. All she knew was that it was going to be hard, maybe impossible to be around Matt again. For their entire relationship she would have sworn that she knew Matt better than anyone else in the world. Then he had completely proved her wrong and now he was a familiar stranger. A stranger whose motivations

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