LITMIR.BIZ

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of anger and bewilderment inside him. ‘And I’m not sure where the cross-examination is leading.’

      ‘I can’t accept your offer,’ Violet said bluntly. ‘I’m sorry.’

      ‘Come again?’

      ‘You might think we’re suited, but I don’t.’

      ‘Do we or do we not have amazing sexual chemistry? Do I or do I not turn you on until you’re begging me to take you?’

      ‘That’s not the point.’

      ‘So you’re back to this business of looking for your soulmate. Is that it?’

      ‘There’s nothing wrong in thinking that when you settle down you’ll do so with the right guy...’

      ‘Do you know the statistics when it comes to divorce? One in three. May even be one in two and a half. For every woman with stars in her eyes and dreams of rocking chairs on verandas with her husband when they’re eighty-four with the great-grandchildren running around their feet, I’ll show you a hundred who have recently signed their divorce papers and are complaining about the cost of the lawyer’s fees. For every child at home with both parents, I’ll show you a thousand who have become nomads, travelling between parents and inheriting an assorted family of half-siblings and step-siblings along the way.’ He raked impatient, frustrated fingers through his hair. She had made noises about wanting more, and he had blithely assumed that the more she claimed to be wanting was with him. It hadn’t occurred to him that the more she wanted was with someone else. There was still this amazing, once in a lifetime buzz between them. Was it his fault that he had interpreted that in the only way that seemed possible? And yet here she was, turning him down flat.

      ‘I know that,’ Violet said, her mouth stubbornly downturned. Of course, every argument he might use to persuade her that tying the knot was a sensible outcome to their relationship would be based in statistics. In the absence of real emotion, statistics would come in very handy.

      She was also aware that sex was only part of the drive behind his proposal. Eleanor’s illness had shattered the complacent world he had established around himself and forced him into re-evaluating his relationship with his brother and, by extension, his mother. It had been easy for him to justify his interaction with them and convince himself that there was nothing out of kilter by throwing money in their direction. They had wanted for nothing. Damien had not told her that himself. She had garnered that information via Eleanor, passing remarks, rueful observations... However, as everyone knew, money was not the be-all and end-all when it came to relationships and he had been helped in his fledgling attempts to rebuild what had been lost thanks to her. She knew that without having to be told. She had not entered this peculiar arrangement ever thinking that it would extend beyond the absolutely necessary and yet it had and now all of that had entered the murky mix of logic and rationale that lay behind his proposal.

      She didn’t want to end up being the convenient other half in a relationship where she would inevitably be taken for granted, nor was it fair on either Eleanor or Dominic for her to slot into their lives where she would eventually pick up the slack, enabling Damien to return to his workaholic life which had no room for anyone, least of all a wife. Even a wife he might temporarily be in lust with.

      And yet when she thought of waking up next to him, being able to turn and reach out and touch his warm, responsive body...every morning...

      When she half closed her eyes she could recall the feel of his mouth all over her body, kissing and licking and exploring, and a treacherous little voice in her head insisted on telling her that that could be hers. Lust could last a very long time, couldn’t it? It could last for ever. It could turn into something else. Couldn’t it?

      And yet he had approached her the way a person would approach a mathematical equation that needed solving. And that wasn’t right. Not when it came to marriage.

      But she still had to take a deep breath and steel herself against being sidetracked. Especially when he was sitting right there in front of her, his hands loosely linked, his body leaning towards her, his dark, sinfully beautiful face stirring all sorts of rebellious thoughts inside her.

      ‘But—’ she inhaled deeply ‘—I’m on the side of the minority who actually have working marriages and kids with both parents.’ She plucked at her jumper with nerveless fingers. ‘And please stop looking at me as though I’m mad. There are some of us out there who prefer to dream rather than just cave in and think that we’re never going to be happy...’

      ‘No one’s talking about being happy or not being happy...’ Damien interrupted impatiently. ‘Where did you get that idea from? Did I ask you to marry me with the sub-clause that you shouldn’t hold out for happiness?’ He wondered why he was continuing to pursue this. She had turned him down and it was time now to take his leave. And yet, although he could feel the sharp teeth of pride kicking in, something was compelling him to stay. Was it because he was keenly aware of how awkward it was going to be breaking the news of their break-up to his mother and Dominic? Made sense. Who liked to be the harbinger of bad news, as he undoubtedly would be? Were it any other woman, he would have left by now. Actually, were it any other woman he would not have proposed in the first place.

      ‘We’re not suited. Not in any way that makes sense for a long-term relationship. We might enjoy...you know...the physical side of things...’ At this point, she felt faint at that physical side of things no longer being attainable. No more of that breathless excitement. No more melting as their bodies united. But, much more than that, no more heady anticipation knowing that the man she loved was going to be walking through her front door, taking her in his arms... How had she only managed to now work out what should have been obvious from the start? That so much more than just her body looked forward to seeing him? That he had awakened a side to her that she never knew existed and something like that didn’t happen in a vacuum? That she just didn’t have the sort of personality that could lock away various sides of herself and only bring them out when appropriate?

      She had sleep walked herself into loving him and it was a feeling that would never be returned. No amount of persuasive arguments about divorce statistics could change that.

      ‘You’re repeating yourself. I don’t think there’s much point to my remaining here to listen to any more of the same old.’ He made to stand and a wave of sickening panic rushed through her at speed, with the force and power of a tsunami.

      ‘But I know you agree with me!’ Desperate to keep him with her just a little bit longer, Violet sprang to her feet and placed a restraining hand on his arm.

      He looked down at it with withering eyes. ‘Our days of touching are over. So...if you don’t mind?’ He raised one cool eyebrow and Violet removed her hand with alacrity.

      ‘We would end up in a bitter, corrosive relationship if we got married,’ she gabbled on, clasping her hands tightly together because she wanted to reach out again and pluck at him to stay. His face was stony. ‘I’m sorry I ever said anything about...about... We’d be far better off staying just as we are...’ Violet knew that she was backtracking and that there was desperation in that but there was a void opening up in front of her that she knew would be impossible to fill. It was dark and bottomless and terrifying. So what if they just carried on the way they were? Would it be the end of the world? And wouldn’t it be better than this? Being a martyr? Hadn’t she agreed with him once that martyrdom was cold comfort?

      ‘I don’t think so,’ Damien said coolly, as he began getting his things together. ‘That window’s closed, I’m afraid.’

      Violet fell back and looked at him in numb silence until he was ready to leave.

      ‘I’ll tell my mother this weekend that things didn’t work out between us.’

      ‘Let me come with you.’ She could feel tears pushing to the back of her eyes.

      ‘What for?’

      ‘I’d like to explain to her myself that...that...’

      ‘There’s nothing to explain, Violet. Relationships come and go. Fortunately

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