LITMIR.BIZ

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      She was so lost in her thoughts that she almost sent both mugs of coffee crashing to the ground as she turned to find James lounging in the doorway to the kitchen. Very carefully, she rested the mugs on the pine kitchen table and took two steps to close the distance between them.

      Now or never, Jennifer thought with feverish determination. She had nurtured this crush for way too long. All through her time at university, she had tried to make herself like the boys who had asked her out, but her thoughts had always returned to James. His heart-stopping sex appeal and their shared history were a potent, heady combination and she had never quite managed to break free of its spell.

      ‘I… I liked what you did earlier…’ The palms of her hands were sweaty with nerves.

      ‘You mean the cake and ice cream?’ He laughed and looked down at her. ‘Like I said, I know what a sucker you are for sweet things.’

      ‘Actually I was talking about after that.’

      ‘Sorry. I’m not following you.’

      ‘When you put your arms around me on the way to the car. I liked that.’ She slid her hand over his chest and nearly fainted at the hard body underneath her fingers. ‘James…’ She looked up at him and before she could chicken out she closed her eyes and tiptoed up to reach him. The first taste of his cool mouth sent a charge of adrenaline racing through her body and with a soft moan she kissed him harder, reached up to wind her arms around his neck as her body curved against his.

      Her breasts were aching, her heart was beating like a drum. Every nerve in her body was alive with sensations she had never felt with anyone in her life before. Every kiss she had ever shared with other boys was drowned out by the scorching heat of this kiss. She felt his response as he kissed her back and that response was enough for her to take his hand and guide it underneath the loose shirt, up to the lacy bra that she had worn especially.

      She was so lost in the moment that it was a few seconds before she realised that he was gently but firmly detaching himself from her and it was a few more seconds before it sank in that this was not a gesture preparatory to taking her upstairs. This much-longed-for evening was not going to end in her bedroom, making love while candles flickered in the background. She had agonised over her choice of linen, ditching her usual flowery bedcovers for something plain instead. He wasn’t going to see any of it.

      ‘Jennifer…’

      Unable to bear the gentleness in his voice, she spun around with her arms tightly clasped around her body.

      ‘I’m sorry. Please go.’

      ‘We need to talk about what… what happened just then.’

      ‘No. We don’t.’ She refused to look up as he circled round to face her. She kept her eyes pinned to his shoes while her body went hot and cold with mortification. She was no longer a sexy woman on a date with the guy for whom she had spent years nursing an inexhaustible infatuation. She bitterly wallowed in the reality that she was an awkward and not particularly attractive woman in a stupid, newly purchased outfit who had just made a complete fool of herself.

      ‘Look at me, Jen. Please.’

      ‘I got the wrong end of the stick, James, and I apologise. I thought… I don’t know what I thought…’

      ‘You’re embarrassed and I understand that but—’

      ‘Don’t say any more!’

      ‘I have to. We’re friends. If we leave this to fester, things will never be the same between us again. I enjoy your company. I wouldn’t want to lose what we have. For God’s sake, Jennifer, at least look at me!’

      She looked up at him and for the first time the sight of him didn’t thrill her.

      ‘Don’t beat yourself up, Jen. I kissed you back and for that I apologise. I shouldn’t have.’

      But he had and she knew why. What man wouldn’t succumb to a woman who flung herself at him? It was telling that he had come to his senses in a matter of seconds. Even with everything on offer, she hadn’t been able to tempt him.

      ‘You’re young. You’re about to embark on the biggest adventure of your life—’

      ‘Oh, spare me the pity talk,’ Jennifer muttered.

      ‘I’m not pitying you.’ He stuck his hands in the pockets of his trousers and shook his head in frustration.

      ‘Yes, you are! I’ve been a complete idiot and I’ve put us both in an awkward position and none of it is your fault! Okay, so when you asked me out to dinner tonight, I thought it was more than just two friends having a meal. I fooled myself into believing that you might have begun to see me as a woman instead of the girl next door! Instead of the clumsy, ungainly, unappealing, borderline unattractive girl next door.’

      ‘Don’t put yourself down. I don’t like it.’

      ‘I’m not putting myself down.’ She managed to meet his eyes without flinching although it cost her every ounce of will power. ‘I’m being honest. I’ve had a crush on you—’

      ‘And there’s nothing wrong with that…’

      ‘You knew.’

      ‘It was endearing.’

      ‘Well, a pleasant distraction from when your pocket-sized blonde bombshells were being too demanding, at any rate.’

      ‘You had a schoolgirl crush and there’s nothing sinful about that,’ James told her with such sincerity that she itched to slap him. ‘But you’re young. I know you said that you’re only a few years younger than me, but in terms of experience we’re light years apart. Trust me when I tell you that in a year’s time you’ll have forgotten all about this. You’ll have met some nice lad…’

      ‘Yes,’ Jennifer parroted dutifully, wanting this entire conversation to be over so that she could go upstairs and bury herself under the freshly laundered covers.

      He sighed and shook his head. This was a Jennifer he didn’t recognise. Gone was the smiling, malleable girl. Had he known that she had a crush on him? Yes, of course he had, although he had never openly addressed the issue. Now, for the first time, he could sense her locking him out. He understood but it was a strange sensation and he didn’t like it.

      ‘Your feelings for me are misplaced,’ he told her roughly. ‘I wasn’t lying when I told you that you want to enjoy your youth with boys who are uncomplicated and fun-loving.’

      ‘You make it sound as though I was looking for… looking for something more than just…’

      ‘A romp in the sack?’

      Mortified, Jennifer shrugged.

      ‘You deserve a lot more than I could give you.’

      By which, she thought, you mean that there’s nothing you’re interested in giving me aside from a peck on the cheek every now and again and lots of good advice about how to live my life.

      He was being patronising and the worst of it was that he wasn’t even aware of it.

      ‘Don’t worry about me, James,’ she said with a forced smile, relieving him of the obligation to keep thinking about her feelings because he was a decent human being. ‘I’ll be fine. These things happen.’ Two steps back, putting distance between them. ‘I probably won’t see you before I leave.’

      ‘No.’

      ‘Of course I’ll keep in touch and I’m sure we’ll bump into one another now and again.’ One more step back.

      ‘You’ll be all right, will you?’

      Jennifer chose to interpret this at face value and she looked at him with a polite, unfocused expression. ‘Of course I will. As I told you, the job I’ll be doing over there isn’t going to be substantially different than what I’ve done over the summer vacations.

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