LITMIR.BIZ

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with me. I know he’s a good man. But I know he’s been hurt and I don’t want to do anything to…remind him of that hurt when he seems to really be moving on. You said just the other day that he finally seems to be getting back to his old self. And tonight, before I left, he was playing the piano.’

      ‘He was?’ Her surprise was evident.

      ‘He was. And, oh Janey, it was so beautiful! He hardly ever bites my head off these days either…’ I gave her a half-smile and she laughed. ‘I just don’t want to derail things by throwing something up that might remind him of more painful times.’

      ‘And?’

      ‘And what?’

      ‘There’s an “and”, I know there is.’ Her voice was soft.

      I closed my eyes for a moment. ‘And I don’t want him thinking badly of me. At least not whilst I’m still there.’

      When I looked up, Janey was smiling. ‘Like I said, you should give him more credit. But!’ She held up a finger, as I made to protest. ‘I won’t say anything, if that’s what you want.’

      ‘Thank you.’ I hugged her. ‘I know I’m putting you in a difficult position but it’s not for much longer. And then I’ll be out of his way and he can think what he likes about me.’ I gave a shrug and wondered why that thought didn’t give me as much comfort as it should have done.

      ***

      I stopped at the boundary of the house and stared. The day had begun grey and had merely got darker and more gloomy as it went on, which only enhanced the effect of the transformation in front of me. White fairy lights were entwined in the bare branches of the plane tree in front of his house and more hung from the porch; each column decorated the same, the little twinkles wrapped in perfectly even spirals from top to bottom. On either side of the front door there now stood a lollipop-shaped box tree in a pale olive-coloured ceramic pot. These too had their trunks wrapped in white lights, daintier versions of those around the building. Despite everything that had happened last night, the sight in front of me tempted out a smile. I climbed the steps and rang the bell.

      It was definitely a day for surprises. Getting rid of all Michael’s baggy, long-past-their-best clothes had meant that the difference when he opened the door to me today was evident. He was still dressed casually, as seemed to be his preference, but he no longer looked as if he was spending every night camped out somewhere with Bear Grylls, which – and no offence to Bear – was a definite improvement.

      ‘Hello.’

      ‘Hi. Come in.’

      ‘You’ve been busy.’ I pointed to the tiny front garden as I stepped inside. In addition to the new plants and lighting, the front border had also received attention. Gone were the soggy, blackened summer plants that had greeted me on my first visit. The little bed had been dug over and covered with a layer of pale chippings and three illuminated reindeer now stood content behind the low wrought-iron edging of the border. The whole effect was stunning and made the house look, like Michael himself, a little more cared for.

      ‘I can’t take all the credit,’ he said, taking my coat from me.

      ‘Oh?’

      He nodded at Pilot who was gently bouncing on all four paws in excitement as I bent to give him a cuddle.

      ‘He definitely helped with some of the digging.’

      I smiled and gave the dog an ear rub, which made him groan in happiness.

      ‘It looks absolutely beautiful Michael. You’ve clearly worked hard.’

      ‘Thanks. I’m glad you like it. Kept me out of trouble this morning anyway. Tea?’

      ‘Erm, no. I’m OK, thanks. Although just a glass of water might be good, if that’s possible.’

      Michael gave a little frown. ‘Of course.’ He paused. ‘You all right?’

      ‘Absolutely,’ I lied. Try as I might to push the events of last night out of my head, I was, in truth, actually feeling a very long way from all right.

      ‘OK.’ Michael’s tone suggested he wasn’t convinced, but poured me water from a filter jug anyway. ‘So, I pulled out all the photos, memorabilia and what you classed “sentimental stuff” like you asked.’ He handed me the glass of water. ‘I’ve made a bit of a start but I can see why you don’t start with this. Even after getting into the swing of sorting and getting rid of a lot already, I still have to admit to feeling a bit overwhelmed right now.’

      ‘That’s perfectly normal. Most people do. But they all get there and you will too.’

      ‘I feel like I could spend from now until Christmas just going through photos! You sure we can do this? It’s not like there’s that long to go now.’

      ‘Absolutely.’ I nodded. ‘Don’t worry. You’re going to be ready and it’s going to be a great family Christmas for you. I know Janey is very excited about it all.’

      The smile on my face felt like someone else had stuck it there and hadn’t quite put it in the right position. Emphasising the final outcome of the process here with Michael seemed a good plan two minutes ago when it was clear he was feeling a little unsure about the timescale, and needing reassurance. Unfortunately, what it had actually done was ram home to me the differences between our upcoming Christmas celebrations: His surrounded by loving family, and mine alone. Again.

      His eyes studied me and I really wished that he wouldn’t.

      Turning away from his gaze, I passed in front of him and headed towards the stairs. ‘Everything in the first spare room still?’

      ‘Yep.’

      I could feel him close behind me.

      ‘Kate?’

      ‘Yes?’ I asked, not looking round and concentrating instead on finding a good place to sit amongst the many piles Michael had created. It was easy to see why he was feeling overwhelmed. Pilot, meanwhile, was clearly wondering the same thing. Giving up on the floor, he wandered over to the bed and hopped up on it.

      ‘Pilot. Off.’ Michael’s voice was firm. The dog slunk down and came over to me, shoving his butt against my hip and sliding down onto the floor, whereupon he let out a big sigh.

      ‘Looks like I’m out of favour.’ I could hear the smile in Michael’s voice.

      ‘He’ll get over it in about two minutes, I’m sure,’ I said, keeping my head lowered. ‘So, obviously I can’t decide what you want to keep out of all this, so we’d better get on.’

      I felt Michael’s eyes on me. There was a pause before he answered. ‘Sure.’

      It was obvious to both of us that something was different today, no matter how I tried to hide or deny it. Being here just felt wrong today, even though I knew I wanted to be here; it was a good distraction. And so long as I didn’t mention I’d helped destroy someone else’s marriage vows, we’d be just fine.

      Michael had clearly sensed that something was off and I could see it was killing him not to ask me. Like Janey, and as he’d proved the other night after we’d been to see the dog, Michael O’Farrell was not one to let things fester. But I needed him to hold on to the restraint he was evidently exerting for just a little bit longer.

      Despite our bumpy start and our ups and down throughout the past week, every instinct I had was telling me just to be honest with him. Honesty was his big thing. It was one of the many things I’d come to like about him. Things were what they were with him and they would be dealt with as needs be. Even with Pilot. When I thought back, not once did he ever actually say that he wasn’t going to take the dog. I’d just assumed so from his actions. But he hadn’t wanted to get my hopes up if he couldn’t arrange dog-sitting, or if Pilot wasn’t as good with kids as we’d originally thought. He’d never lied. Unlike Calum. But I couldn’t tell him any of that.

      ‘Katie

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