LITMIR.BIZ

Скачать книгу

otherwise. But he had forgotten how well I could read him. He made a show of scratching his chin, and thinking hard about what I could possibly mean. “Nope. Can’t think of a single thing.”

      The cold air was taking my breath away, leaving a trail of goose bumps in its wake, but the damn man was going to confide in me, even if my lips went blue while I waited to go upstairs and change. I’d witnessed love at first sight and I wanted information!

      “Nope, you say? Well, let me tell you what I observed and see if it rings any bells. L.O.V.E.” I sang the letters. It was in my nature to tease him. And we hadn’t had five minutes together alone for me to ask him outright.

      He guffawed. “You’re such a child.”

      “Shall I continue?” I sang a song about kissing.

      He held his hands up. “OK, OK. For the love of God, don’t sing. So, Isla may have taken me by surprise, but it doesn’t mean anything.”

      I huffed and puffed in disbelief. “It was love at first sight, that’s what it was.” I hugged myself tight, imagining Micah as the hero of the first love affair at Cedarwood, and Isla his stunning heroine. Would I plan their wedding? Their baby shower? I couldn’t help it, it was inbuilt in me to think of every stage as an event to celebrate.

      “Love is too hard,” he said gruffly, wearing a dark expression, which I knew meant leave it alone.

      But he should have known me better than that. “Micah, no! Love isn’t too hard. Is this because of Ronnie?”

      He sighed and folded his arms. “It’s not because of Ronnie. Well… maybe in part,” he admitted with a shrug. “The split with Ronnie taught me love is totally unrealistic. Because you place all these expectations on one person – of course it’s destined to fail! Eventually that person won’t make you smile any more. They’ll be the cause of the tightness in your chest, the reason you can’t sleep at night.”

      I frowned. It was unlike Micah to talk so pessimistically. “What expectations? Love can be as simple or as difficult as you want it to be.”

      He ran a hand through his hair. “There’s always expectations. The expectation you’ll follow them anywhere, you’ll forgo your dreams for them, and then they just leave anyway, even though you sacrificed it all.”

      “So, don’t have any expectations, and then you’ve got nothing to lose, right?”

      The kettle I’d been waiting for when the tap exploded suddenly screeched and I poured water into two cups, motioning for him to sit at the trestle table. While he ruminated I added a log of wood to the cast-iron potbelly stove and stood with my back to it, warming myself.

      His sighed and his mouth became a tight line. “I admit, it was nice to have that heady, heart-thumping feeling about someone again.”

      My damp clothes shrank against the heat, biting against my legs as they warmed. “So, that’s a good thing, Micah! What happened with Ronnie was obviously devastating, but that doesn’t mean you can’t start over with someone new.”

      The way his eyes filled with pain was enough to make me regret bringing Ronnie into the conversation again.

      “I didn’t see it coming,” he rubbed at his face. “It blindsided me. And I want to avoid ever feeling that way again.”

      “What exactly happened?” The hurt on his face was evident.

      The whine of a chainsaw buzzed outside. Isla was trimming something back in a frenzy. “That’s the thing,” he said. “She just drifted away like it was nothing. Like what we had was nothing.”

      “Really?”

      “She breezily announced that she was off to LA for a job interview. Los Angeles? A job interview? It was the first I’d heard of it. She’d been working at the bank for ever, and I thought she loved it there.” He shook his head. “I offered to join her there after work on Friday and stay for the weekend but she wanted to go alone. Suffice to say she never came back. Wound up working in some cocktail bar. Was it always that bad here?” he asked, confusion lining his face.

      “It wasn’t you, Micah. It was something in her.” In my heart of hearts, I wasn’t surprised Ronnie might’ve got itchy feet at some point; she was one of those people always looking for more. Still, I hadn’t thought she’d leave Micah. They’d been joined at the hip and I’d always hoped to find a love like theirs. How could she have been so callous to Micah, the person who loved her more than life itself?

      “There was no malice in it. In her mind we’d come to the end of the road. And what could I do? I couldn’t force her to love me. So I let her go, and wished her well. Told her I was here if she needed me.”

      A pah of surprise escaped me. “I don’t think many people would have been so understanding, Micah.”

      With a half-smile he waved me away. “It hurt, no two ways about it. Without her I didn’t know who I was any more.”

      Admittedly, I felt a wave of anger toward Ronnie, despite Micah’s assurances it wasn’t her fault. “I’m annoyed that you gave up your own dreams of studying medicine to stay here like she wanted and then in the end she left anyway. You could have lived near me in New York, like we’d always planned.”

      “Doesn’t matter now. Truly, it doesn’t,” he said, seeing the concern on my face. “I made my choices; it’s not her fault. I enjoy what I do. So what, I fix things, instead of people?” Micah tried for that impish smile of his.

      “There’s still time, you know.” I could picture Micah wearing a white coat and making rounds of the local hospital. He’d be the type that patients felt comfortable around, with an impeccable bedside manner.

      He lifted a shoulder. “I’m OK, I’ve got Cedarwood now, right? But can you see my point, about trusting someone again? I don’t want to be swept away, because I know, when I fall in love, I fall hard, and where does that leave me? On a precipice, alone. Nope, I’ll never put myself in that position again.”

      Surely if he felt that frisson he should follow his heart? “So you haven’t had a relationship since Ronnie left?”

      “Nope. None. A casual date here and there, which was more for companionship. Then, when I’d resigned myself to being single for ever, someone walks into my world, and I get this zap. I honestly thought I’d never feel that ever again after Ronnie.”

      “Micah, you can’t live like a hermit your whole life.”

      “I’m just happy to know my heart isn’t frozen solid. And I’m not a hermit – I go out, I see friends. I’m happy, really.”

      I frowned. “Ronnie isn’t coming back, Micah. You don’t have to follow anyone to the ends of the earth; you can set some boundaries…” I felt like an agony aunt doling out clichéd advice, but I didn’t know how else to make him see that love was always worth it.

      “I know she isn’t…” The buzz of the chainsaw mercifully ceased and Micah adjusted his voice accordingly. “And even if she did, I’d never contemplate reconciling. She’s shacked up with some guy in LA, and they’ve had a baby.” He paused at the mention of the baby. For as long as I could remember Micah had talked of the family he’d have. “Anyway, I don’t want to make Isla uncomfortable. What if she doesn’t like me the same way? How awkward would that be? God, I sound like I’m back in high school.”

      I laughed. “You do. Anyway, all you have to do is ask her to go for coffee! It’s not like you’re asking her to marry you.” Even though I was already mentally assessing color combinations for the wedding centerpieces…

      He grinned and color flooded his cheeks. “You said yourself not to mix business with pleasure.”

      I guffawed as the potbelly coughed and spluttered behind me. “Since when did you ever listen to me? What the hell would I know?”

      Outside,

Скачать книгу