LITMIR.BIZ

       CHAPTER SEVEN

      Finn

      FINN WATCHED HER walk swiftly across the car park to the path. Almost hurrying away from him. Was it the incident with the little boy? That had turned out okay. Poor terrified little kid and mum—but all right now.

      His eyes followed Catrina as Piper leaned into his neck. Maybe she’d left because she felt he was pushing for her company? He was. Why was he pressuring her? If someone had pushed him like he was pushing her he’d have run for the hills. Or a croft. Which she did.

      Maybe he was sabotaging himself and hoping she’d stop it before he did? But there was no getting over the fact he’d been a little desperate for Catrina to stay.

      And then there had been that jolt when he’d helped her stand at the rock pool. Unconsciously his hands came together to replicate the action, as if to see if he could still feel that vibration that had taken them both by surprise. It had been bizarre, and he’d seen the shock in her face—apparently he hadn’t been the only one to feel it—before he’d picked up Piper to give himself a moment to recover.

      He wished he’d told her it was Piper’s birthday tomorrow. Because at lunch, after an initial stiffness, conversation had felt so easy. It had been strangely healing to have her sitting opposite him as they both watched his baby playing. When Catrina was there it was easier not to think about where Piper’s mother would be tomorrow.

      The guilt hit him like a fist in the chest and he sucked in his breath. What was he doing? How could he think that? He was a coward and tomorrow he’d celebrate Piper—he needed to be man enough not to cower in a corner feeling sorry for himself. He paid the bill and gathered Piper up in his arms.

      Tomorrow he’d survive and Monday he’d see about getting a job.

      * * *

      Sunday morning Finn woke with a headache. Unusually, Piper had been unsettled most of the night and he wondered if they were both coming down with a cold. Or if the emotion of the coming anniversary of Clancy’s desertion was rubbing off him and onto Piper.

      He took two paracetamol and a vitamin tablet, and hand-squeezed an orange to give Piper with her breakfast. Because she was still asleep, he decided they wouldn’t go out for the day if they were both unwell. He looked at the two wrapped presents he had for Piper. One was a tiny gardening set in a flower-decorated garden basket and the other a push-along block set for inside or out.

      The cupboard above the sink drew his eyes and he crossed the room and searched for the packet cake mix he’d thrown in there a month ago in case he needed to make Piper’s birthday cake. The packet mix came with little blue cupcake wrappers, pink frosting and fairy princess stickers to press into the icing after they’d been cooked.

      The instructions seemed basic and he set it all out, with the candle, for later when he could make some noise. He glanced across at Piper but she snored gently and he wandered to the front of the beach house and stared out at the waves across the bay.

      He could see Catrina walking along the breakwall and watched her brisk walk as she strode further away, the wind whipping her hair across her face. He wanted to wave and call her and share the burden and the blessing of this day with her, but knew he wouldn’t.

      ‘Last thing she needs,’ he told himself out loud, keeping his voice quiet.

      ‘Boo,’ said a little voice from behind him and he turned to see Piper standing in her cot with her bunny cuddle blanket over her face.

      Despite his aching heart, he smiled. ‘Where’s Piper?’

      Piper pulled the blanket off her head and appeared like magic. Her eyes crinkled with delight at her own cleverness. ‘Boo.’

      ‘There she is.’ He crossed the room to her but before he arrived he put his hands over his face and then pulled them away. ‘Boo to you too, missy. Happy birthday, Piper!’ He lifted her up out of her cot and hugged her. She gurgled with squirming delight and he had to force himself not to squeeze her too tight.

      He began to sing ‘Happy birthday’ but faltered halfway through when he thought of Clancy and all she was missing. Forcing himself to finish the song, he carried Piper over to the window. ‘It’s a breezy sunny day for your birthday. What would you like to do?’

      Piper put her head on his shoulder and snuggled in.

      Suddenly it was okay again. They could do this. ‘You feeling a little fragile today, poppet? Me too. But I’m making you a cake this morning. You can help by pushing on the stickers. It will be our first cake but your daddy is a doctor and supposed to be very smart. I’m sure we can manage little pink cakes for our birthday girl.’ She bounced with a little more enthusiasm in his arms.

      ‘Then we can sit outside and let the sunshine and fresh air kill all the germs, if there are any. No work today. Lazy day.’

      He put Piper down on the floor and she crawled away from him to her box of toys in the corner with just a little less than her usual surprising speed.

      He watched her go and thought about looking for childcare tomorrow. If he couldn’t find anything then they’d leave it all for a while longer. That thought brought comfort. Surely it would be hard to find someone in a small town like this at such short notice.

      He glanced out of the window again down to the beach and saw Catrina was on her way back. She didn’t pass his house, or hadn’t in the past or he would have noticed, and he leaned towards the window and saw her moving up the hill towards the cliff opposite the lighthouse. She’d said ‘croft’ yesterday. Maybe she was in one of those three little cottages on the cliffs that matched the lighthouse. All white stone.

      He’d liked the look of them but the real estate agent had said they weren’t for sale. He’d never actually gone up that way towards the hospital along the cliff path. Maybe it would be a nice place to go for a change when he went walking with Piper. Just in case he was missing out on a good walk, he reassured himself. But not today. He had promised he’d never drop in uninvited and had no intention of doing so.

      Except the morning dragged. They went to the beach but the wind was a little cool to get wet and if Piper was coming down with a cold he didn’t want to make it worse. Before long they went home and played inside. But he felt closed in staying indoors. Piper seemed to have recovered and before lunch she’d become unusually bored.

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