LITMIR.BIZ

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the damn thing rang again.

      “Rita probably forgot something,” he told himself as he headed back inside. He took a peek through the judas hole and sighed heavily. So much for solitude.

      Reluctantly, he opened the door and said, “Hi, Cass.”

      “Don’t you ‘hi’ me,” his sister said as she pushed past him into the apartment. She threw her purse onto the couch, then turned around, hands at her hips and glared at him. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

      Calmly, Jack closed the door and faced his sister. She was practically vibrating with anger. Her eyes, so much like his own, were flashing dangerously and her features were set like stone in an expression of indignation. “What’re you talking about?”

      “Rita called me from the airport.”

      That threw him. “The airport?”

      “Yeah, she found a flight to Utah and she went back to see her family.”

      Okay, he’d wanted her to leave the apartment—not the state. He wasn’t sure how he felt about her being so far away. Was she planning on staying there? Giving up her bakery? Her friends?

      “Are you out of your mind for real?” she asked.

      “This is none of your business, Cass.”

      “Since we’re family, it is my business,” she countered grimly. “Rita asked me to come and check on you,” Cass added, not bothering to hide the disgust in her tone. “She was worried about you.”

      “Which is just one of the reasons I asked her to go,” Jack said calmly. “I don’t want her worrying about me.”

      She jerked her head back and gave him a look of pure astonishment. “Y’know,” she said, “that’s what people on Earth do. We worry for the people we care about.”

      “I don’t want her to care about me, that’s the whole point.”

      “Right.” Cass nodded sharply, paced a little frantically for a few minutes, then came to a stop and glared at him again. “And it’s all about what you want, isn’t it, Jack?”

      “I didn’t say that.”

      “Oh, please,” his sister countered, waving one hand at him in dismissal. “You’ve been saying it in every way but words for months.”

      “I’m not doing this with you, Cass,” he said. “Not going to talk about it.”

      “Good. Because I don’t care what you have to say. Not anymore. All you have to do is listen.” She came closer and he saw sparks dazzling her eyes. “I’ve tried to be patient with you. I’m a doctor, Jack. I know what’s going on with you.”

      “I don’t need a damn doctor and if I did,” he told her hotly, “I wouldn’t go to my little sister.”

      Damned if he needed everyone telling him what he should do and when he should do it. And he really didn’t want his younger sister standing there like the voice of God telling him to shape up.

      “Yes, you’ve made that abundantly clear and I’ve really tried to keep quiet, give you room to deal.”

      “There’s nothing going on with me.”

      “You denying PTSD doesn’t make it go away. My God, you’re practically a textbook case.” She walked to the couch, dropped onto it, then just as quickly jumped to her feet again, apparently unable to sit still. “I told Sam and Dad they had to give you time. Let you get used to being back in the world. That you’d come around eventually.”

      “I’m fine,” he insisted but saw that his sister wasn’t buying it.

      “Sure you are.” She snorted. “You notice Sam doesn’t come up from San Diego much anymore? Or have you paid any attention to the fact that Dad almost never comes into the office these days even though he used to love it?”

      He thought about that for a minute or two. She had a point though he’d never really considered it before. His brother, Sam, was a busy guy. And his father had recently taken up golf, so why would he be coming around an office he’d retired from. “Yeah, but—”

      “Sam got tired of you shooting him down every time he tried to spend time with you.”

      “I didn’t—”

      “Yeah, you did. You’ve shot me down often enough for me to know that and I can tell you it’s no fun having a proverbial door slammed in your face every time you try to talk to someone.” She took a long breath. “Damn it, Jack, we’re your family and we deserve better.”

      “I just needed—”

      But she kept talking. “Dad gets his heart broken just a little more whenever he’s with you and can’t reach you, so he stays away.”

      Guilt dropped onto his shoulders, but he was so used to the burden he hardly noticed. Remembering the last time he’d seen his father, Jack could admit to the sorrow he’d seen in the older man’s eyes. And still... “He doesn’t—”

      “Not finished,” she snapped. “Honestly, Jack, you make me so furious. Do you know how many men and women come home from dangerous duties and have no one to talk to? To count on? Do you know how lucky you are to have people who love you? Who are willing to put up with your bullshit?”

      “I—”

      “Does it look like I’m done?” She inhaled sharply, blew the air out in a huff and stared up at him. “You’re my brother and I love you. You’re Rita’s husband and she loves you.”

      There was that pang around his heart again. He rubbed the spot idly, almost unconsciously. She loved him. He’d been pretty sure she did, but knowing it was something else again. He swallowed hard against that pounding ache in his heart and told himself that even if she did love him, he’d done the right thing.

      “You don’t get it, Cass.” He sighed. “I don’t want to be loved. Whoever loves me is just setting themselves up for a letdown later. Why do that to anybody?”

      “Well, good God,” Cass said, clearly stunned. “It’s worse than I thought. It’s not just your memories haunting you that’s kept you tucked away up here in your fortress of solitude. It’s something else. You’re an idiot.” Shaking her head, she said, “I’m so glad Mom can’t see you like this, although she’d probably have kicked you into shape by now. You don’t want to be loved? You don’t want to feel anything for anyone? Too damn bad. Boo the hell hoo.”

      “What?” A choked off, surprised laugh shot from his throat. It seemed he was destined to have the women in his life constantly surprising him.

      “You have a chance at something amazing, Jack, and you’re letting it get away. You told the woman who loves you, the mother of your child,” she added with emphasis, “to leave because you’re scared to be hurt again. To know pain again.”

      “Careful, Cass,” he said, voice soft. Even for his sister, he was only willing to put up with so much. He was doing the hard thing here. Why could no one see it, appreciate what it cost him?

      “No, I’m done being careful. I should never have given you time to adjust, Jack,” she said sadly. “That was my mistake. I should have done just what Rita did, grab hold and drag you, kicking and screaming back into life.”

      “It wouldn’t have worked.”

      “We’ll never know, will we?” she asked. Still shaking her head, she walked over, picked up her purse and slung it over her shoulder. “Look around Jack,” she said. “You got what you wanted. You’re alone. I hope you enjoy it. Because if you keep acting like a jackass—this is all you’ll ever have.”

      He watched her go and the slam of the door behind her echoed in the stillness.

      

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