LITMIR.BIZ

Скачать книгу

just blinked at him. This was making no sense at all. “That’s a bad thing? How does your friend’s happiness equate to you being miserable?”

      “I’m not miserable. I’m realistic.”

      “It’s realistic to hate the fact that people are happy? To send me away so there’s no chance of you being happy?”

      “That’s right.”

      God, it was like talking to a wall. Only she’d probably have gotten more out of a wall. He was bulletproof. Her words bounced off him and never left a dent.

      “You don’t want to be happy, is that it?” God, she was getting colder.

      “You’re damn right,” he said, setting the beer down in a deliberately calm manner. Coming out from behind the bar, he walked toward her and stopped with a good three feet of empty space between them. “I told you going in that this was temporary, just until the baby was born.”

      She put both hands on her belly. “News flash. Still about two months to go.”

      He didn’t even look at the baby. Hell, he barely looked at her. “Yeah, but we don’t have to be living together to be married, do we?” he asked.

      “Wow.” She took a step toward him and he took one back. One short, sharp laugh shot from her throat. “Was I getting too close, Jack? Were you starting to care? Are you making me leave because you don’t want me to go?”

      “Think you’ve got me all figured out, do you?”

      “Oh, yeah,” she said, nodding. “It wasn’t that hard. Answer me this. Do I scare you, Jack?”

      He gritted his teeth, huffed out a breath and said flatly, “You terrify me.”

      Small comfort, she thought, but didn’t speak again as he continued.

      “I didn’t sign up for this. Didn’t want this,” he muttered darkly, pushing one hand through his hair impatiently. “You’re getting too close, Rita. I can see it. You’re starting to believe this is all real and it’s not. It can’t be. I won’t let it be.”

      She’d never been dismissed so completely, so casually and it hurt so much she wanted to keen, but damned if she’d let him see that. Her heart ached for them both. She’d gotten to him, reached him and because she had, he was cutting her out of his life with a single, cold stroke.

      “You won’t let it be real?” she asked. “You’re the only one with a vote here?”

      “That’s right.” His eyes were cold, empty and that one fact tore at her so deeply, Rita could hardly breathe.

      “Why?” She stared at him, completely confused and hurt and even her temper was easing off to be replaced by an ache that settled around her heart and throbbed with every beat. “You at least owe me an explanation, Jack. How did Kevin showing up here and his happiness today make you so determined to throw your own chance at it away? Our chance.”

      “You want an explanation, fine. Sure, Kevin and Lisa are happy today,” Jack ground out. “But what about tomorrow? What about when pain comes rolling down the track and hits them both?”

      Flabbergasted, Rita stared at him. “What? Being happy isn’t worth it because one day you might not be? What kind of logic is that?”

      He shook his head grimly. “Perfect, that’s what kind. I saw it happen. Too many damn times. You love someone—or worse yet, let someone love you—and things go wrong, lives are shattered. I heard a guy’s widow sobbing. I watched parents grieving.” He wasn’t cool and detached now. His voice was hot, words tumbling over each other. “I saw the strongest men I’ve ever known break under the agony of loss. Why the hell would anyone risk that? No, Rita. There’s no way I’m setting either one of us up for that.”

      Her own breath came short and fast, because she knew he believed what he was saying. None of it made sense but that didn’t keep him from having faith in every word. “So screw ever smiling or being joyful because of what might happen.”

      He didn’t even flinch.

      “It will happen,” he insisted. “You think anybody gets through life unscathed? They don’t. The best you can do is protect yourself from misery.”

      “By being miserable?” she demanded.

      “Think what you like.” Shaking his head, he ignored that and said, “I’m not letting you get any deeper into this marriage, Rita.” His voice was tight, hard. “You’re getting too damn close, pulling me along with you, and I can’t go any further. I won’t let myself start coming back to life only to risk more grief. Trust me, it’s not worth it. I know.”

      God, he’d already cut her off. He’d made that call a couple of days ago when Kevin visited and since then it had been solidifying in his mind until now; it was a done deal. Without talking to her about any of it, he’d made the decision to end what was between them.

      “You’re wrong,” she whispered, and to her fury, felt tears fill her eyes. She hated that. Rita always ended up crying when she was at her angriest. Too much emotion had to eventually spill from her eyes and the tears were lowering. Viciously, she swiped at her eyes. “You’re so wrong it’s sad, Jack. Caring about people? That’s worth everything.”

      “Don’t cry.” He scrubbed one hand across the back of his neck. “Just don’t. It’ll rip at me because I...care about you.”

      “You don’t just care, Jack,” she told him flatly. “You love me.”

      His gaze snapped to hers. “See? That’s another reason you have to leave.”

      “What?”

      “Love’s coming, and I know that, too. So I need you gone before I love you.”

      Rita laughed shortly then actually reached up and tugged at her hair in frustration. This had to be the weirdest and most heartbreaking conversation she’d ever had. “Right. Don’t want to take a chance on actually loving someone.”

      “I’m doing what I have to do.”

      “No, you’re not, Jack,” she said, lifting her chin and meeting that cold stare with all the heat she could muster. “You’re doing what’s easiest.”

      “You think this is easy?” he demanded.

      “I think it’s unnecessary,” she snapped. “But no worries. I’m leaving. I’ll be out of here tonight.” Damned if she’d stay with a man who was so determined not to love her. To cut himself off from any feeling at all.

      “You don’t have to go tonight,” he said. “Tomorrow’s soon enough.”

      Her gaze locked on his. “No, it’s really not.”

      * * *

      A couple of hours later, Jack was alone in the apartment.

      As good as her word, Rita was gone so fast, she’d been nothing but a blur. She hadn’t said another word to him, but her silence came across loud and clear. He hadn’t wanted to hurt her and someday soon, Rita would realize that he’d done all of this to protect her. He didn’t want her hurt. Mourning him as he’d seen others mourn the fallen.

      She’d cried.

      He slapped one hand to the center of his chest in a futile attempt to ease the ache centered there. Jack had never seen Rita cry before. Not even the day he’d left her in that hotel to go back to his tour of duty. She’d sent him off with a smile that had no doubt cost her. But today, she’d cried.

      If he could have changed it, he would have. But this was the only way and Jack knew it. He stepped out onto the terrace and let that cold wind slap at him. He finally had what he’d wanted—craved—most. Solitude. There was no one here talking to him, trying to make him laugh, drawing him back into a world he’d deliberately turned his back on.

      “This

Скачать книгу