LITMIR.BIZ

      CHAPTER TWO

      ‘IT’S all right to hold him, you know? I promise you, he won’t break.’ The specialist nurse was smiling as she came to stand beside Phoebe.

      ‘But he’s so tiny and vulnerable. I just can’t get used to the idea that he’s dependent on us for his every need. It’s such an awesome responsibility.’

      Phoebe was struggling to keep her emotions in check as she looked down at the infant in the cot. A whole range of feelings washed over her, threatening to engulf her. This baby was so fragile, so delicate in every way, with fingers no bigger than matchsticks, curled possessively around the ends of her thumbs, and little legs that were bunched up to his abdomen as though he was still enjoying the safety of the womb.

      ‘I think you’ll find that they’re a lot tougher than we give them credit for. Most babies are born with the instinct to survive. That’s why they cry and gasp and struggle to make their needs known.’

      ‘You’re probably right, but I’m glad you’re here to help me through this, at any rate,’ Phoebe said, glancing towards the nurse. ‘I have to check him out to see what’s causing his problems, but you’ve probably already diagnosed him on instinct.’

      ‘Sort of. I have my theories. I’ve worked in Neonatal for a long time, so we get a sense of what’s what.’ Katie’s mouth curved. ‘You’ll get used to it.’

      ‘I hope so.’ Phoebe gathered in a deep breath and gave her attention back to the baby. ‘Right you are, little man. Let’s see if we can get this over with as quickly and easily as possible. Best to do it now while you’re peaceful and your mum has gone to get herself something to eat.’ She looked back at Katie. ‘We’ll start with a blood test for bilirubin levels, and then I’ll order up an abdominal X-ray. He’s very jaundiced, and, given how poorly he is, and the fact that he’s already three weeks old, I suspect there’s more going on here than we initially thought.’

      ‘I think you’re right.’ Katie nodded. ‘He’s not making any weight gain and his skin colour is becoming darker despite the treatments he’s had so far.’

      Phoebe gingerly picked up the infant, cradling the soft bundle in her arms for a minute or two and gazing down at him. ‘Okay, little fellow,’ she said, after a while, ‘let’s get this over with, shall we?’

      It was around half an hour later by the time she had finished doing all the tests and returned the baby to his crib. His mother was waiting for him, and Phoebe watched as she sat down beside his cot and lightly stroked his cheek.

      ‘I took him away to do a few tests to see what’s what, but he looks comfortable enough for now, and he’s none the worse for wear,’ Phoebe told her, and the mother nodded, before turning her attention back to the child.

      ‘Thanks. He looks so ill, doesn’t he? Is it something I’ve done that’s made him this way? Is it my fault?’ The woman didn’t look at her but there was a tremor in her voice that hinted at the strain she was under.

      ‘No, it’s nothing that you’ve done,’ Phoebe hastened to assure her. ‘You had no control over what’s happening to him, I’m sure of that. His liver isn’t functioning properly, but we’re doing everything we can to help him through this, and I want you to know that we’re here for you whenever you need us. As soon as I have all the test results I’ll come back and talk to you. Don’t be afraid to ask anything at all. We’ll do our best to answer your questions.’

      The woman seemed to be satisfied with that for the moment. ‘Thank you,’ she said.

      Phoebe left her with the baby and went to pick up the samples she had taken, making sure that the vials were labelled and packaged correctly. ‘I’m going over to the lab with these,’ she told Katie. ‘It’ll be quicker if I take them myself. Bleep me if you need me at all.’

      She left the samples and forms with the lab technician a short time later, and she was heading back towards Reception when she saw that Connor was walking in her direction. Steeling herself, she continued towards the lift bay.

      His stride was long, confident and supple, and she tried not to notice how he managed to look so much like a doctor at ease with himself and the world. Why was it that everything fell into place for him as though he had been born to the job? What had happened to that rebellious young man who’d challenged the adults around him at every opportunity and had generally made his presence felt?

      ‘Hi, there,’ he said cheerfully. ‘I’ve been wondering if I would run into you at all today. I heard that you’d been sent over to Neonatal. How’s it going?’ He looked at her closely. ‘Not so well, from the looks of things.’

      ‘You’re right,’ she answered. ‘I’m not at all sure that I’m cut out for it. The babies are all so frail and ill, as though they’re just clinging on to life, and I feel as though they need someone much more capable than me to take care of them.’

      ‘You wanted more time to get used to the idea?’

      She nodded. ‘It was a bit of a shock to find myself posted there. Apparently I’m also supposed to attend A and E if there’s a case that needs to be transferred to Neonatal. These next few months are going to be sheer hell.’

      ‘I’m sure you’ll survive.’ His grey eyes met hers. ‘You can always come and cry on my shoulder. I’ll be here to pick up the pieces, any time.’

      She gave a brief, tight smile. ‘Yeah, sure you will.’

      He draped an arm around her shoulders. ‘You’re a good doctor, Phoebe—I’ve heard people say as much. You qualified the year before last, didn’t you, and you have the world at your fingertips. What you need is to have more confidence in yourself.’

      ‘That’s easier said than done, isn’t it? It’s all very well for you, in your third year after qualifying—you must already know that you’ve made the grade.’

      She tried to keep a level tone, but it was hard for her to even think straight with his hand curved around her shoulder that way. His closeness was compelling, as though he would shield her from all life’s hardships. She could feel the warmth of his fingers seeping through the cotton of her blouse, right through to her flesh, and little eddies of sensation were rippling out in ever-widening circles along her arm and the back of her neck. It was comforting and disturbing, all at the same time.

      It was distracting. She shouldn’t be feeling like this…She had no idea why Connor’s touch should make her feel so strange. Alex was the man she cared about, the one who made her feel warm and protected, the one who made her light up inside

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