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to come,’ my boss explained. ‘We totally get that all the standing around and the late night might be too much.’

      ‘No, no, I’ll be there!’ I said, perhaps too enthusiastically.

      I could still party, get my hair done, wear a dress that wasn’t even from the maternity-tent section. Well, until 9pm, when the caterers cleared the plates, forcing me to stop minesweeping the leftover canapés, and I got a bit weepy in the queue for the toilets. As I was helped into a cab, I felt tired, a bit sick and very, VERY pregnant.

* Although, to be fair, I think we’re reclaiming that one with the ubiquitous topknot and young people seem to love those. The rattier the better. So maybe we can still turn this one around.

† I mean, I actually met the OXO Mum. I met her! She also played my dad’s wife on TV. And to be totally honest off-screen I didn’t even know she had kids. She had a filthy laugh, a killer body and lots of mascara on. Everybody stared at her, she was magnetic.

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