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for toys and sweets, and would do his best to get a little extra attention. His mother would respond by telling him honestly that she did not have the time or did not have the money to give him what he wanted.

      When she became over-tired or fed up with the constant demands Sam’s mother would say, ‘Stop asking! You can’t have what you want so there’s no point in continuing to ask. You just can’t have what you want!’ By the age of seven, Sam stopped asking. He became quite withdrawn and started to get minor illnesses, nurturing his little hurts, aches and pains. He did not complain very much because he had learned that there was no point in asking for things; at the same time his withdrawal earned him some approval from his mother, who felt less pressured by her least demanding child. He developed a belief that his needs could not be met.

      As Sam grew up he automatically changed some of his beliefs. He found that he could earn money for himself and that there was not always a shortage of resources. However, he still held a basic belief that his needs would never be met and that it was not all right to ask for what he wanted. He also held a belief that there was not enough attention to go around, so he always formed relationships with women who were never quite available when he needed them. He often found himself surrounded by friends and colleagues who were distant and unavailable, too.

      The more he relaxed, the more Sam was able to talk about his past and the more he too saw the connections between his childhood experiences, his deeply held beliefs and the patterns that he was living out in his adult life. Sam realized that his aches and pains came from the frustration of his unexpressed needs and the guilt that he felt about having those needs in the first place.

      Together we created some positive thoughts for Sam to use regularly so that he could re-train himself to be available for more fulfilling experiences. These positive thoughts included:

      • IT IS SAFE AND EASY FOR ME TO HAVE MY NEEDS MET.

      • MY LIFE IS RICH AND FULFILLING,

       and

      • IT IS SAFE FOR ME TO ASK FOR WHAT I WANT.

      By talking about his experiences and using positive thoughts to create some new, healthier beliefs, Sam was able to make some wonderful changes. His aches and pains soon dissolved and his life became richer, more satisfying and more nourishing.

      THOUGHTS ARE ENERGY

      Have you ever eaten something that has disagreed with you? Some foods do not suit us very well, they sit uncomfortably on the stomach, they are depleting and they may trigger an allergic reaction or lower our energy levels. If you eat a lot of foods like this your body may adjust so that you are less aware of their impact, but they are still depleting you, lowering your immune system and perhaps even causing long-term health problems. The same can be true for negative or limiting thoughts.

      Our thoughts are energy. Every thought that we have contains its own unique quality and substance. We can imagine this energy as a subtle electrical charge that radiates into every cell of our bodies and creates a field of influence that surrounds us. What is more, the energy of our thoughts has its own magnetism which attracts similar or complementary energy to it. What this means is that our thoughts strongly contribute to the experiences that we create in our lives. It is said that we are what we eat. Perhaps it could also be said that we are what we think.

      When we think a positive thought, we fill and surround ourselves with the positive energy of that thought. Positive energy boosts the immune system, maintains us in balance and makes us available for positive experiences, positive people, positive opportunities and healthy solutions. Similarly, negative thoughts send out a negative energy that affects our health, our balance and our experiences, but the impact is quite different. Just like unsuitable foods, negative thoughts are depleting and disempowering. In some cases they can even give us a form of mental, emotional and physical indigestion.

      We have free choice. When we listen to our thoughts, noticing their impact on our health and our lives, we can exercise our power of choice. We can choose to let go of negative thinking, adopt new habits of positive thinking and adapt our patterns of belief to suit our true needs and desires. It takes patience and practice, but every one of us has the power to transform our mental patterns. We can all adopt new thoughts and beliefs that are magnetic to positive, healthy experiences.

      CHANGING OUR THOUGHTS

      When we feel stuck, unhappy, depleted or distressed there is always something we can do to make a difference: we can change the thought. We can ask ourselves ‘What is the belief that is contributing to this problem?’, or ‘How are my thoughts affecting my feelings, depleting my energy and inhibiting my ability to grow?’ We can learn to listen to our thoughts, notice the impact that they have on our lives and make the choice to change them.

      When we are sick we can take positive action by subscribing to the appropriate medical or complementary treatments that are available to us, but this is not the only thing that we have it in our power to do. We can take the time to notice the thoughts and beliefs that could be contributing to our condition and change them to thoughts that will support our treatments and stimulate or, in some cases, accelerate the healing process.

      When we are having problems in our relationships we can ask ourselves ‘Have I learned to think, act or respond in ways that could be contributing to these problems?’ The way that we think about relationships in general, the beliefs that we hold about people of the opposite sex, people of the same sex, our sexuality, our bodies and our self-esteem all contribute to the kinds of relationship that we create. If we do not like what we are creating we may need to change the thought.

      We can begin to notice our thoughts and beliefs by listening to the language that we use. What words do you use again and again when you are on the telephone, talking to your parents, talking to your children, talking to your partner, conversing with a colleague or making small talk with someone that you have just met? Do you complain about the state of the world? Do you criticize yourself or other people? Do you talk about the things that are limiting you or lacking in your life? Do you use ‘struggle words’ such as hard, difficult or trying? Do you use compulsive words such as ought, must and should?

      The more that we listen to ourselves talking, the more we can begin to notice the negative or limiting conversations that we have during the course of the day and the easier it is to pinpoint some of our underlying negative or limiting beliefs.

       Exercise: Mind your Language

      Take a day to listen to the language that you use. Is the main content of your conversation negative or positive? Are you critical, blaming and quick to judge or are you generally accepting, supportive and compassionate when you talk about yourself and other people? Do you talk about life in a way that is fearful or that expects failure or do you use words that invite safety, positive opportunities and success? Is your language filled with struggle words? Do you talk about how hard your life is or do you talk about the ease and joy of life?

      If it helps, carry a pen and notebook around with you so that you can record anything that you notice about your choice of words and ideas. Alternatively, leave a tape recorder switched on for periods of time so that you can forget it is there and allow yourself to talk as you normally would.

      Perhaps you will discover that the things you say are constantly negative. Some people are amazed when they do this exercise because they generally believe themselves to be quite positive and have not previously noticed the mass of negative or limiting words, phrases and concepts that they utter. Even genuinely positive people may pinpoint negative patterns of thought that they are still carrying with them from their childhood or from some period of frustration or disappointment that they have had in their lives.

      If you do not notice very much, do not worry, it takes practice to listen to ourselves. Pinpointing even just one thing can begin a powerful process of transformation. Here is a guide to some common words or phrases that may help you.

      STRUGGLE WORDS

      Our

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