LITMIR.BIZ

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had been a slow day, which hadn’t helped. They didn’t have the farm-to-table dinners during the colder months, and weddings weren’t particularly popular through January. They’d done a gorgeous Christmas wedding in one of the old barns, with white lights and holly boughs, a magnificent tree at the center of the massive room. Not that Olivia had enjoyed it since it had come on the heels of her breakup with Bennett and she’d been feeling more than a little Scroogey.

      Right now the vast dining area was empty. She had a feeling that people would start to filter in sometime around lunch. There were always groups of friends who lived in between the towns who found it the perfect central meeting location for afternoon luncheons, fruit and cheese plates and a bit of wine with their conversation.

      There was always something to do. There just wasn’t enough. In fact, in order to fill her time Olivia had resorted to picking at her manicure, and she never did that. She had a date tonight; she really needed her manicure in good condition.

      Her stomach felt like it dropped a couple of inches. She did not have a date tonight. It wasn’t a real date. Nope.

      “You seem distracted today.”

      Olivia looked up to see that her boss, Lindy, was staring at her speculatively.

      “I’m not distracted,” she said, the back of her mind blaring Luke’s name like a neon sign. Calling her a liar.

      “Did you give Wyatt the pamphlets?”

      “He wasn’t there. But I left them with Luke Hollister. I’m not sure if you know him.”

      “Is he the guy that brought you in the other morning?” Lindy asked, her tone suggestive.

      Olivia didn’t understand why just being with Luke would make Lindy think something was going on with him. Olivia didn’t understand the rules to casual relationships and hookups.

      She hoped Luke did. He seemed confident enough. In absolutely everything.

      Except his ability to convince her father to sell him that property without her input. She had been turning that bit of information over for the past fourteen hours. It was difficult to imagine Luke being uncertain. It was easy to imagine him walking up to her father and sticking out his hand, shaking it. Giving him that cocky grin and saying, Cole Logan, I want to buy that plot of land you have for sale there.

      Yes, that was startlingly easy for her to imagine.

      She cleared her throat. “I’ve known him for a long time. He’s very good friends with Bennett’s family. You know, the Dodge family. The family that we were just talking about.” She was rambling. And she did not ramble.

      “Yes,” Lindy said. “I do know the Dodge family.”

      “You don’t like Wyatt very much, do you?” she asked.

      Lindy frowned. “I don’t know Wyatt that well. It isn’t that I don’t like him. It’s that I have a strong suspicion of bull riders as a species. Cocky, arrogant assholes. Every last one of them. And the only man worse than a bull rider is the man who sells them as decent human beings. Damien did a lot of work with Wyatt in particular when he did ad campaigns and things. And, since you figure jackasses of a feather flock together, and Wyatt used to flock with Damien...”

      “Didn’t Dane used to hang out with them, too?” Olivia asked, referring to Lindy’s brother.

      “I suppose so,” Lindy said. “I don’t know. Wyatt is just one of those guys. He’s too... A lot of things.”

      Olivia could relate to that assessment. That was kind of how she felt about Luke. He was too much. Too many things. How could one man contain so much? Self-assurance, attitude, a smile that seemed to light up the room and everyone in it. But lit up parts of her that made her flush to think about.

      That thought stunned her. And for a full second she couldn’t think of anything to say.

      “Are you okay?” Lindy pressed her. She wasn’t doing a good job of convincing Lindy that everything was okay. Mostly because she wasn’t entirely sure that it was.

      “I have a date tonight,” she said. “With not Bennett.”

      Lindy’s face relaxed, one corner of her lips turning upward. “Oh. And that’s hard? Weird?”

      She felt guilty, because of course her boss was associating it with her divorce. With moving on after a long-term relationship. And Olivia hadn’t actually moved on. “I guess. I just... It’s not really a date. I want Bennett to see that I’ve moved on. And for him to not like that.”

      “Okay,” Lindy said. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

      “No,” Olivia said, feeling miserable. “I don’t. But I don’t know what else to do. And when he suggested it...”

      “When who suggested it?”

      “Luke. When I went to talk to Luke last night, he suggested it.”

      Lindy’s eyebrows shot upward. “I see.”

      “Do you? Can you help me figure out if I’m crazy or not?”

      “You might be,” Lindy said. “But I hear love does that to you.”

      The dining room was empty, no customers in sight, so Olivia slumped at the nearest bistro table, propping her chin up on her elbows. “Were you miserable after your divorce?”

      Lindy sighed and walked around to the other side of the table. She sat down, putting her hand over Olivia’s. “I was a lot more miserable leading up to it. It’s hard to find out that someone you love isn’t who you thought they were. Or I guess that someone you love is exactly who you were afraid they might be, but you ignored all the signs.”

      “Bennett is who I think he is. He’s a good man. I was impatient. I broke up with him because I wanted to have him make a commitment. And now...”

      “You regret it.”

      “Yes.”

      “Olivia, I’m not an expert on love. Obviously. I think everyone knew that my husband was a bad bet. Everyone except me. But what I can tell you about loving someone is that it doesn’t make sense. And sometimes you do the wrong thing hoping that the right thing will come out of it. And sometimes you hurt each other even when you don’t mean to. Because loving someone is scary. So, sometimes you act scared.”

      “Bennett is acting scared,” Olivia said.

      She wasn’t scared. Commitment didn’t scare her at all. It was what she wanted. It was that end goal. That bright, shining beacon she had been working toward for so many years. She would have that life, that perfect life. A little house all her own, a husband. It was what she had always wanted. There was nothing to be scared of when it came to marriage as far as she was concerned. Her parents had a wonderful marriage. She aspired to that. To that good life that they led.

      To being that kind of person.

      Scary was the unknown. Scary was having your future tossed high up into the air. It was having no plan. Being aimless. It was how Vanessa lived her entire life, as far as Olivia could see. Her twin sister, the person she had been closest to from birth, was a virtual stranger now.

      Her partying, her drug use, had taken everything from them that they used to share. Even their looks. Nobody would think they were sisters now, much less identical twins.

      Her sister was so thin. Wasted down to nothing, her skin ravaged, her eyes dull, her hair lank.

      That was where aimlessness got you. It was where living for the moment got you. And Olivia had never been that person. No, plans didn’t scare her. Permanence didn’t scare her. It was all those other things in between.

      “Well,” Lindy said, “men get gun-shy when commitment is on the table.”

      “I’m not scared of getting married. Or having a relationship.”

      “But

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