LITMIR.BIZ

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but Bryan stopped in front of Bear. “You know, I get hater vibes from you. Do you and I have issues?”

      The elevator dinged again.

      Crap. That’s all he needed—to be in a touchy-feely discussion when Hope showed up. “Hard to believe, dude, but you star in your own life. Not mine.” Bear glanced from Bryan’s pursed lips, then back down the hall. “I told you. I’ve got nothing against gay. You don’t believe me? Not my problem.”

      Bryan let out an exasperated sigh and rushed into the room.

      Her white-blond hair caught his eye first. Even when he was ready, her face still held him for the space of several heartbeats. She was beautiful. And not because of his dream, either. Her ice-blue eyes held secrets that her open face belied. She was all business, even in khakis and a denim short-sleeved shirt. But her lips...her lips were pure sex. They made him want to bow his head and worship them.

      Noticing him notice, she looked down and kept walking.

      Before she could brush by him, he reached out, and touched her arm. She shied back, the lines of her body full of alarm.

      “Wait. Please. I just wanted to talk to you for a second. I’m Bear—”

      “I know your name.”

      “I just wanted to tell you...you don’t have to be afraid. I can’t help how I look, but that’s not who I am.”

      She looked up at him, head cocked. But her eyes softened. “Okay.”

      How do people do this chitchat thing? He put his foot back on the floor, and his hands back in his pockets. “Um. How’s that adventure thing working out for you?”

      A tiny self-satisfied smile softened her mouth. “Nailed the interview. I start today.”

      “Nice. Congratulations.”

      “Thanks.” She took a step toward the door.

      “Wait.” He took a hand from his pocket, reached out, but didn’t touch her. “Were you serious about wanting to be more adventurous?”

      She looked at him as if he was a vacuum cleaner salesman on her front porch. “S-sure.”

      “Then how’d you like to go for a motorcycle ride?” He pulled his mouth up into what he hoped was a benign smile. “I’ve ridden a hundred thousand miles without an accident. I promise I’m safe.”

      “I don’t even know you.” She slapped a hand over her mouth, as if shocked at her own abruptness.

      “I get that, but—”

      “I mean, you don’t ever talk, in group.” Those ice-blue eyes probed his face, looking for a crack to get into. “How can you expect people to feel comfortable around you, if you just sit and glare at us?”

      He could give a crap if anyone was comfortable around him. Except her. “Oh.”

      “Excuse me.” She brushed by him.

      The Rani woman came around the corner, talking to the big woman in the shapeless dress, who walked head down, hair hiding her face.

      He ducked into the room. What now, Slick?

      It was pretty clear that he wouldn’t get closer to Hope without giving something up. But talking about himself in a group like this? He’d feel as though he was on a Dr. Phil show. No way. Not happening. He grabbed an empty chair and scooted it back from the circle.

      Then slid it back in.

      He sat, crickets playing “Dueling Banjos” in his stomach as the last two settled into the remaining chairs.

      “Happy Monday, everyone,” Bina said. “Who would like to share first this morning?” She patted the soap opera lady’s hand. “Brenda? How about you?”

      She just shook her head.

      “Brenda, this is a safe space. Feel free to keep it to whatever you’re comfortable sharing.”

      The woman pulled at her dress, trying to make it even looser. “I’m not from around here. My husband, Phil, got transferred to Vandenberg six months ago.”

      “He’s in the air force?” Mark asked.

      “No, he’s a civilian inventory management specialist.”

      “Do you like it here, so far?” Bryan asked.

      Hands in her lap, she picked at a cuticle. “It’s okay.”

      “Why did the court mandate that you be here, Brenda?” Bina leaned forward, trying to get the woman to look at her. It didn’t work.

      “I don’t know.”

      Bear heard it only because she sat beside him.

      “You’ll have to speak up, dear,” Bryan said.

      “We’ve got bossy, nosy neighbors.” Her voice hovered, just above a whisper. “Phil, he gets mad sometimes.” She tucked a hank of hair behind her ear, eyes still on her lap. “For good reason. I... I’m kind of a mess.”

      The group waited. Bear swore he could hear dust falling.

      “What makes you say that, Brenda?” Bina asked.

      She heaved a sigh, and rolled her eyes until they landed on Bina. “Oh, please. Just look at me. I’m fat, I’m ugly. I’m pretty useless.”

      Bina frowned. “I don’t think that’s true. Tell me one good thing about yourself. Something you’re proud of.”

      Brenda sat like a female Buddha, contemplating the meaning of the universe. Finally, she said, “I married well.”

      “Really?” Mark said. “Pardon me for saying so, but your husband sounds like a major jerk.”

      “You don’t even know him.” She glared across the circle. “See? This is what I knew would happen.”

      “Why don’t you tell us about you, instead?” Bina jotted a note on the small notebook in her lap.

      “Like what?”

      “Oh, I don’t know. Why don’t you tell us your happiest memory?”

      When Brenda’s head lifted, the crease between her brows was gone, and she looked different.

      He realized that it was her eyes. Well, not her eyes exactly, but it was as if she was looking out them instead of looking inward, for the first time since he’d seen her.

      “I had a puppy once. He was sweet, and all mine.”

      “What kind of dog was it?”

      “Oh, I don’t know, just a mutt, mostly. I found him in a parking lot of a grocery store, digging in the trash for something to eat.”

      “What did you name him?” Hope asked.

      “Bucky.”

      When Brenda smiled, Bear could see the woman behind all that fat and sadness. She was pretty.

      “Bucky and me, we went everywhere together. He loved me.”

      “Where is he now?”

      The pretty woman dissolved into the washed-out housewife. “Oh, he died. It was a long time ago.”

      Hope asked, “Why don’t you get another puppy?”

      “Phil doesn’t like animals.” Brenda’s head dropped, and she started worrying her cuticle again. “Besides, he’s allergic.”

      She should develop an allergy to Phil. Not that it’s any of my business.

      “Thanks for sharing that, Brenda. It’s nice getting to know you a bit better.” Bina crossed her legs. “Who else would like to share?”

      Bear almost squirmed in his chair, but caught himself in time. Say something. But what?

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