LITMIR.BIZ

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      ‘Off on holiday?’

      She turned to her friendly fellow passenger, an elderly lady who had cousins in São Paulo, she told Meg.

      ‘Yes …’ Meg said. ‘Sort of.’

      ‘Visiting family?’

      ‘My husband.’ How strange it felt to say it, but she was, after all, wearing his ring, and her documents were in her bag, and she might have to say the same thing at Customs, so maybe she’d better start practising.

      ‘Brazil first and then three weeks in Hawaii …’

      ‘Lovely.’ The old lady smiled and Meg returned it. Just as Niklas had that first day, she wished her neighbour would just keep quiet.

      She could hardly tell her the real purpose for her visit!

      Instead she ordered another gin.

      It didn’t help.

      She cried as they descended over São Paulo—she had never seen anything like it. Stretched below her was a sea of city, endless miles of buildings and skyscrapers. The population of this city alone was almost equivalent to the entire population of Australia, and never had Meg felt more small and lost.

      The final approach was terrifying—more so because of all he had told her about it, more so now that she could see just how closely the cars and the planes and the city co-existed, more so because she was actually here.

      Bizarrely, her eyes searched for him after she’d cleared Customs—a stupid flare of hope that this was a strange joke, that he was testing her, that he might be waiting with flowers and a kiss. Perhaps she might once more feel the thorns press into her skin as he teased her about the lengths she’d go to for just a couple of hours with him.

      It wasn’t a joke, though. It wasn’t a game. There was no one here to greet her.

      Meg exited the airport and tried to hire a taxi, but she had never seen a taxi queue like this one. She was exhausted and overwhelmed as once again Niklas pushed her out of her comfort zone.

      The driver’s music was loud, his windows were down, and he drove her through darkening streets into Jardins. Everything was loud there too. The city pulsed with life. There were food stalls on the streets—unfamiliar scents came in through the windows of the car whenever they stopped at traffic lights—and it was more city than she could deal with. Which made sense, Meg thought with a pale smile. After all it was the city Niklas was from.

      All Meg wanted to do was to get to her room.

      Dishevelled, confused, tired, after they pulled up at a very tall hotel Meg paid the taxi driver. The second she stepped inside she knew she was back in his world.

      Modern, cosmopolitan, with staff exquisite and beautiful.

      It was a relief to get to her room and look out of the window at the bewildering streets below, to fathom that she was actually here—that tomorrow she would be taking another taxi to visit Niklas in prison.

      Meg scanned the confusing horizon, wondered as to his direction, wondered if he had any inkling at all that she was even here.

      Wondered all night how she could stand to face him tomorrow.

      ‘Hi, Mum …’ She rang not because they had insisted she did—they were hardly talking, after all—she rang because, despite their problems, Meg loved her parents and wanted the sound of normality tonight.

      ‘How’s Brazil?’ Her mother’s voice was terse, but at least she spoke.

      ‘Amazing,’ Meg said. ‘Though I haven’t seen much of it …’

      ‘Have you booked any trips?’

      ‘Not yet,’ Meg said, and was quiet for a moment. She didn’t like lying, especially to her parents, but she found herself doing it at every turn. Tomorrow she would be ringing her parents again to tell them that she had changed her mind about Brazil and was going to spend the rest of her vacation in Hawaii—how would they react to that?

      More than anything Meg just wanted tomorrow over with, so that she could lie on a beach and hopefully heal once and for all. She hadn’t dared risk putting her divorce application in her luggage in case it caused questions at Customs, but the second she landed home it would be posted.

      Her heart couldn’t take any more of him.

      ‘How’s Dad?’

      ‘Worried,’ her mum said, and Meg felt her heart sink—because she hated that they were worried about her. ‘It’s going to cost an arm and a leg to hire a new lawyer …’

      Meg knew her mum didn’t mean to hurt her, but unintentionally she had. The business was always the biggest thing on their minds.

      ‘I’ve told you that I’ll work for a couple of months when I get back. You don’t have to rush into anything. And you don’t need a full-time lawyer; you can contract out. We’ll go through it all properly when I get back.’

      ‘You are coming back?’

      And Meg gave a small unseen smile, because maybe it wasn’t just about the business. As difficult as they could be at times, they did want what they thought was best for her, and they did love her—that much Meg knew.

      ‘Of course I am. I’m just taking a few weeks to sort out my head—I’ll be back before you know it.’

      It was impossible to sleep. She was dreading tomorrow and seeing him again, dreading the impact of seeing him face to face. It was emotionally draining just thinking about him, let alone seeing him.

      Let alone having sex with him.

      If Meg slept, she didn’t sleep much, and she was up long before her alarm call. She ordered breakfast, but her stomach was doing somersaults and she could hardly manage to hold down a small piece of bread and grilled cheese.

      The coffee she was more grateful for.

      Had she not loved him, she doubted she could do this.

      But had she not loved him she would not have married him in the first place and wouldn’t be in this mess.

      Except she remembered his cruel words from that morning long ago and knew that love had no place in this.

      She gave up on breakfast and lay in the bath, tried to prepare herself for what lay ahead, but had no idea how. As she picked up a razor and shaved her legs she did not know if her actions were for his pleasure or for her pride. It was the same with the body oil she rubbed in. She wore simple flesh-coloured underwear and an olive green shift dress with flat leather sandals. Her hand was shaking too much to bother with make-up so she gave in.

      Rosa had given her the name of a good car company to use, rather than getting a taxi, and the desk rang to tell her that her driver was here. As she left the room she glanced around and wondered how she would feel when she returned. This time tomorrow she would be on a plane on her way to Hawaii. This time tomorrow it would be done—for despite what Rosa had said she would not be returning to him.

      Once was enough.

      Twice might kill her.

      So she looked at her room and tried not to think too much about what had to happen before she returned.

      They drove through the most diverse of cities, passed the Court of Justice, where in two weeks Niklas would be, and in daylight Meg saw more of this stunning city. There was beauty and wealth, and such poverty too. She thought of Niklas growing up on the streets, and of how much he had made of himself only to fall. She didn’t know enough to believe in his innocence. She might be a fool for love, but she wasn’t a blind fool. Still, he deserved a fair trial.

      Meg had never known such fear in her life as they approached the jail. The sight of the watchtower, the sounds when she entered, the shame of the examination … Her papers were examined and her photograph taken and she was told her rights—or rather her husband’s rights. She

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