LITMIR.BIZ

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but how would she know? Going to the pageant tonight had taken some persuasion from her small group of friends. Big groups still overwhelmed her, mainly because she felt out of context. Always out of context and unsure how to react. She didn’t have a list of anecdotes to tell about herself in casual conversation, and much of her experience since the amnesia was off-limits. She couldn’t bring herself to expose that flaw to anyone.

      So she kept quiet, tentatively reacting, speaking only rarely about the most recent events around here, and that left her little enough confidence or conversation. Somehow she had to build enough of a future to have a past.

      Because she suspected she might never regain her full memory. As time passed, it became less likely. But maybe she could find at least some snatches of who she had once been.

      Maybe someday she’d feel less like she’d been born spontaneously into adulthood.

      Headlights flared through the window of the tiny, two-room cabin she rented on the outskirts of town, casting the battered furnishings briefly in harsh light. Her new friends were here.

      All she had to do was take one step at a time. Minute by minute, she just had to forge ahead.

      It sounded easier than it was. She touched her necklace again before buttoning her coat. It was the only good luck in her new life and her only proof of her past.

      * * *

      Sitting near the front in the auditorium, near Mallory Franklin and her fiancé, Caleb Dalton, Vanessa Brent and Cecelia Clifton, Julie felt mostly uninterested in the show. It was a typical Christmas pageant, although she had no idea how she knew that. But then Mallory’s niece, Lily, entered garbed as a darling angel, and the world seemed to stop for Julie.

      All of a sudden she had a flash of wearing a similar costume, mouthing similar lines. Then, in an instant, the vision was gone.

      She felt herself tremble as she came back to the crowded room, and wondered if she’d had a flash of real memory. Could she have ever played an angel in a Christmas pageant? Soon she realized that the people around her were applauding, and she halfheartedly joined in, trying to paste a smile to her face.

      As the applause died away, and everyone waited for the show’s little actors to emerge from backstage, Vanessa started talking. She was a tall, lovely woman with curly brown hair and sparkling eyes that for some reason Julie couldn’t help but envy.

      “I always love Christmastime,” Vanessa said. “Don’t you, Julie?”

      “It’s beautiful,” Julie answered cautiously. She couldn’t understand her reaction to little Lily’s angel outfit, or why she still felt shaken.

      “We used to have this family tradition,” Vanessa continued. “I think I’m going to start it with my family.” Over Halloween, Vanessa had gotten engaged to architect Jonah Dalton, and she clearly couldn’t wait to begin their new life together.

      “What’s that?” Julie asked.

      “Everyone—siblings, parents, cousins—got holiday pajamas exactly alike. Then on Christmas Eve we’d all gather on the staircase and take a group photo.”

      “Ooh, I like that,” Cecelia said. She tossed her dark hair back over her shoulders. “Mind if I steal it?”

      “Help yourself, if you can find the pajamas.” Vanessa giggled. “It wasn’t always easy.”

      Mallory spoke. Beside Vanessa she appeared especially petite. She looked ready to jump up from her chair the instant her niece, Lily, appeared. “I think my tradition for a while is going to be making costumes for Lily. She loved this whole pageant idea. But as for family traditions, oh, we had loads. From who did which job decorating the tree to the foods we had for dinner.” She smiled at Julie. “What about you?”

      “I...” There it was again. Just the big blank that held her back from being a part of all this. “I just loved the season no matter how we celebrated.”

      “No traditions?”

      Julie had to fight an urge to flee. She hadn’t told anyone in this town about her amnesia, and this wasn’t the place to start. “None that stuck.” At least not stuck to her memory.

      “Maybe you can start your own,” Mallory said, then jumped up and grabbed Julie’s arm. “There’s Lily. Let’s go tell her how wonderful she was.” Caleb had already moved toward his soon-to-be daughter. Julie was touched by his eagerness to reach the girl. She wondered what it must have been like to be loved like that...but she couldn’t remember.

      Lily was a perfect little doll with a mouth that often embarrassed her aunt. She’d been adopted from China by Mallory’s sister, who had died. With long, inky hair and almond eyes, she promised to become a stunning beauty.

      Except for that costume. Something about it made Julie hesitant to approach. Mallory just kept tugging her closer, and she forced herself to don a smile and get ready to congratulate the little girl.

      The Traubs and Daltons were already gathered, telling Lily how beautifully she had done. Julie had already met some of the Daltons through Mallory, but the Traubs were still utter strangers to her. As they approached, Vanessa suddenly poked her gently in the ribs. “Look at who showed up.”

      “Who?” Julie asked blankly.

      “Braden Traub. The last single Traub brother. He’s gorgeous enough that I might have given him a second look except I met Jonah. I hear the whole family gives him a hard time about still being a bachelor. Anyway, I guess he managed to come in from the ranch for once.”

      “But you got Jonah Dalton,” Julie said with passable cheer. “Complaints?”

      “Absolutely none. I just wish he could be here. Nick, too. You should hear Cecelia complain about her loneliness. The guys are working too hard right now.”

      “Needs must.” Julie attempted to sound light, but she knew all about loneliness, she figured. She had no one at all. How nice it must be to have someone to miss.

      Julie, who, unlike many of the women she had met at the club, hadn’t come to Rust Creek looking for the cowboy of her dreams, finally picked out Braden from his family. They all shared similar good looks, but Vanessa was right. He was drop-dead gorgeous.

      Apparently, amnesia hadn’t deprived her of the ability to feel a quiver of response to a handsome, muscular man with brown hair and eyes that seemed to hold a sparkle. She’d been putting her sexuality on the back burner since her amnesia, for good reason. Her sudden reaction to Braden was almost disheartening. If she didn’t know herself, she shouldn’t even consider such things. No guy would want her in this condition anyway.

      They reached Lily at last, and Julie squatted before the child to tell her how wonderful she’d been. Then before she could stop the words, she said, “When I was five I got to be the angel, too. I was so scared.” Where had that come from?

      “I wasn’t,” Lily answered confidently. “It was lots of fun.” She beamed at the gathered adults, who all smiled and laughed. As soon as Julie straightened, Lily, clearly feeling like a queen bee at the moment, introduced her to everyone, Traubs and Daltons both, including little Noelle. They plunged into a discussion of past Christmas events, clearly trying to include her in a neighborly way.

      Wondering how she could talk about something she didn’t really remember, Julie started looking for a graceful escape. She could wait outside until Vanessa was ready to go.

      Before she could take a step, Lily spoke again, freezing her. “Julie? I think you should talk to Braden. He hasn’t got anybody yet, either.”

      Mallory gasped. “Lily! I’ve told you to stop saying embarrassing things to people.”

      Julie looked down in time to see the girl’s face fall into a frown.

      “Making friends is good. What’s embarrassing?” Lily asked.

      Plenty, Julie thought, wanting to sink through the floor.

      But

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