LITMIR.BIZ

       CHAPTER FOUR

      IT WAS, HEATHER THOUGHT, one of the most enjoyable meals she’d had in a long time.

      That probably wasn’t a good thing.

      Millie and Cady dominated the so-called conversation, with songs and silliness that had her and Xander snickering behind their hands. Millie made her pizza crust fly through the air. Cady, perched on Xander’s lap, picked up the grapes that Daddy had halved so carefully and tossed them across the table like she was skipping a rock across the water. Xander started laughing, lost control of his slice and sent a glob of cheese onto Cady’s head, which made Millie cackle so hard that milk came out of her nose.

      In short, it was barely a step down from chaos. But that wasn’t what kept Heather from laughing quite as heartily as the rest of the diners.

      It was all too easy. Too relaxed. And that scared the crap out of her.

      Parenting Truth Number 316: The line between delight and disaster is very, very skinny.

      She felt on edge. Like something was pushing at her from beneath her skin, poking over and over in search of an opening. After all these years, she could finally name it. Her old buddy anxiety had decided to pay a visit.

      In the first years of Millie’s life, when Heather had still been in residence, she and anxiety—and his big brother, fear—were pretty well constant companions. She’d existed in a constant state of nervousness. The really fun part had been that her anxiousness had come in two flavors: certainty that she would do something wrong and hurt Millie, and certainty that if anyone knew how lost she was at caring for her child, they would take Millie away from her.

      Talk about damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

      She had learned how to manage her fear in the years after it drove her away from Millie. She had taken so many classes in child development and parenting, spent so much time in counseling and workshops, that she could have earned a second degree in Motherhood. It had taken years, but she was finally the parent she wanted to be, instead of trying to imitate Carol Brady while tamping down memories of her own mother’s lessons in neglect. She would never completely master the uneasiness, but she knew that it would never again build into the blind panic that had made her run.

      Tonight, though, the pitchforks of anxiety were definitely poking. It wasn’t until the meal was almost over that she figured out the jabs had nothing to do with Millie.

      They were because of Xander.

      And hearing another adult voice—a deep one, the kind that commanded attention by virtue of its difference—at her table.

      And seeing the way he listened to Millie, carefully and attentively, especially when the topic turned to how astronauts sleep in space.

      And how it felt to look across the heads of two giggling girls and see her own mix of exasperation and wonder reflected in someone else’s eyes. Especially when the touch of that someone’s hand around her wrist had sent her pulse soaring and skidding.

      Soaring and skidding had their place, but not for her. Not now. Not when Millie was counting on her.

      She just wished to hell that having Xander at the table didn’t feel so good.

      * * *

      HEATHER WAS SO focused on breathing through the pitchforks that when Xander said something to her—her, not one of the kids—she had to blink and give herself a mental wake-up call.

      “Sorry. I was still figuring out the logistics of space stuff. What was that?”

      He pulled Cady’s hand off his face. “Ow. I said, we got distracted and I never got to see what you have planned for your presentation.”

      “That’s right. Mills, can you get my notebook for me? The one on the table in the living room? And bring my laptop, too.”

      “Sure, Mom. Can Cady come, too?”

      “For the whole minute it will take you to go there and back?” Heather laughed. “If it’s okay with her dad.”

      “Sure.” Xander gave Cady’s hands and face a fast wipe and set her on the floor. She waddled beside Millie, singing something about ducks and rain.

      “They’re cute together,” Xander said. “Millie’s really patient with Cady.”

      Jab jab jab.

      “She’s had lots of practice with her new baby brother.”

      The corner of his mouth edged upward. “You know, I missed Cady’s first year, but even I’m pretty sure that someone who’s—what, four months?—can’t be sitting around slapping stickers on his sister already.”

      She was saved from needing to reply to her own inanity by the return of the girls.

      “Here you go, Mom.” Millie handed over the laptop. Cady, who had been entrusted with the notebook, offered it up with a heart-melting shy smile.

      “Thank you, sweetie.” Heather touched one finger to Cady’s cheek, reliving for the briefest moment the memory of Millie’s peach-fuzz cheek, Millie’s toddler smile. “You did a great job.”

      She raised her head and caught Xander watching. God help her, it seemed he approved.

      Stab stab stab.

      “Didn’t I do a good job, too, Mom?”

      Thank Heaven for mood breakers. “Of course you did, my goofy girl.” Heather grabbed Millie by the shoulders and bestowed a loud kiss on her forehead. “Now do me another favor and bring in that package of cookies, will you please?”

      “The peanut butter ones? Yeah!”

      “So here’s what I have in mind.” She grabbed the notebook quickly, before Xander could say or do anything that would fire up her jitters. Or anything else, come to think of it. “I’m going with an undiscovered treasures theme. You know. To capitalize on the story of Charlie and Daisy.”

      He raised his hand. “Excuse me, teacher, but may I ask a question?”

      “You may.”

      “I’ve seen those names on places around town, but I’ve never figured out the back story. Can I get an explanation?”

      “Oh, sorry. I assumed...okay. Back in Prohibition days, a lot of locals took advantage of the river and the islands to get contraband booze to all those thirsty Americans on the other side. One of them, Charlie Hebert, managed to meet up and fall in love with the daughter of one of the rich Yanks.”

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