LITMIR.BIZ

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like I should do more. Help more.”

      He knew just what she was talking about, but he couldn’t think of a thing. As long as she kept him and the team organized, that was all he could ask.

      As long as Rachel was there…

      What a thought to have about Rachel Browne. Up until today, he would have said she was a colleague, one of his staff. He noticed her beauty, of course, but since very early on, there had been no question of crossing the line, of being anything more than her boss. And yet today, he’d acted as if she was more. A friend. Someone to turn to.

      It was official. His world had turned upside down. There was a life depending on him that hadn’t been there yesterday, and for once, he had no excuses to back out. No other priorities. And where just a few short hours ago it seemed he was in this alone, he now had a friend. Rachel.

      Go figure.

      CHAPTER FOUR

      RACHEL HELD the plastic bin tightly, as if it would drop any second. It wasn’t a special bin, except that inside it were all the worldly goods of an eighteen-year-old who’d died on Rachel’s watch.

      She’d gone over the medical procedures in her mind a hundred times, reread her notes six times, maybe seven. And still, she couldn’t think of a thing she’d have done differently. She’d taken extraordinary measures to save Heather’s life. And still, she’d failed.

      It happened. Rachel had also heard that Bruce Nepom had died this morning, which didn’t make things better. God, she’d tried so hard. The damage that had been done to that man’s skull…

      She reached her office and kicked the door shut behind her. Then she put the bin on the table, wincing at the grooves embedded in her palms.

      Going through Heather’s things was a breach of protocol, but in this case, it was done out of kindness. If there was anything disturbing in the meager belongings, she wanted to see it first, then tell Guy. Since the death wasn’t suspicious, there would be no police involvement. And since Guy was acting as next of kin, there was no harm here, only help.

      Heather’s coat was on top. It wasn’t in good repair, and there were stains on the poor-quality wool. The blue color had faded, leaving it washed out and sad looking. There was one piece of paper in her pocket, and on it were two phone numbers. Rachel recognized the one for Courage Bay Hospital. The other had a 213 prefix. Los Angeles. She carefully put the paper, wrinkled and still a bit damp, in her jacket pocket.

      After folding the coat, Rachel picked up Heather’s dress. Another thrift-store bargain, she imagined. Yellow, with little green flowers. No pockets. Next was Heather’s purse. It was a large cotton tote, with lots of pockets inside. Unfortunately, they didn’t hold much of consequence—breath mints, a hairbrush, dark glasses, a faded ticket stub to a movie. But then Rachel found a small notebook. She opened it to the first page. The handwriting was small, tight.

      I’m here, finally. Away from all of them. Safe. Well, not now, because he’s not here. But he’ll be back soon, and then it will be dinner and maybe we’ll watch an old movie on his crappy TV. I won’t care because we’ll be together. It was so easy. I still can’t get over that. Mom didn’t even check. Dad was busy with his bimbo of the month. And I disappeared, like on that TV show where someone’s there one second, and gone the next. Only, no one’s looking for me. And it feels…

      Rachel turned the page, but it was a new entry, written with a different pen. Leaning back in her chair, Rachel wondered if she should go immediately to find Guy, but something kept her in her seat. Fear. Protectiveness. She turned back to the book.

      We went to his friend’s house last night, but I don’t remember all that much. I got totally wasted, and this chick, Perry, scored some Ecstasy, which I’d never done before. Mixed with the Southern Comfort, it was so cool. I like his friends, although Perry’s boyfriend scared me a little when we were in the kitchen together. He touched me, but then Perry came in so it was cool again. After, S and I made love until, like, four in the morning. Then he went to sleep, and I think if it had been quieter, I would have, too, but the sirens went on and on, and then there was this helicopter. I could see the light, really bright, on the walls. They’re cracked between the posters, and the paint is really chipped. I wonder if this is where we’ll always live, or if he’ll get that job, and then we can move somewhere nice, where the carpet isn’t stained, and we can have a washer and dryer, ’cause I hate going to that skeezy Laundromat. We’d have a new bed, too, one that didn’t make my back ache every morning. And I could buy new sheets and a comforter and stuff. I really want to decorate my way for a change, and have all the money in the world to buy whatever I want. He says we’ll have everything, and I believe him. I just have to wait. But I don’t know how long to wait. I said I should look for a job, but he got really pissed, and so I didn’t mention it again. He’s going to take care of me. He promised. I know he will, ’cause he loves me. More than anything on earth. He loves ME.

      Rachel’s chest constricted with pain for this child. She did a little elementary math. Heather had to have been pregnant nine months ago, yet she didn’t appear to be when she’d written this. How long ago would that have been?

      Flipping through the pages, Rachel saw that the entries were made in different colors of ink, mostly black, but some in blue, red, and a few in purple. The handwriting got even smaller toward the end, which was probably where Rachel should have looked to start with.

      She found the last entry more than three-quarters of the way through the small notebook.

      I’ve been gone for almost a week. Does he think I’m dead? Hit by a car, or mugged, or maybe he thinks I had the baby? I still don’t understand what happened. How it all went to hell. He loved me. He told me so over and over. Loved me, and he would take care of me, and take care of our baby. And then he wouldn’t let me out of the house. I thought it was because he was worried about me. But even when I wanted to go, when I felt fine, he kept me locked up. Got mean. He wouldn’t talk to me, wouldn’t explain. And when I tried so hard to understand, he just hit me. It hurt so bad.

      And then he left, and it was three days before he got back. I tried to get out, but he’d done something to the door. He took his cell phone and didn’t leave me any money, so what was I supposed to do?

      And then, yesterday, when he was gone again, that guy from the apartment came. I couldn’t believe it at first, but then I started screaming and I didn’t stop until he’d gotten the door open. He didn’t want to help me, but I guess he felt sorry for the baby. He got me out, took me to the bus station, gave me some money. And now I’m waiting for the bus.

      The scariest part is the headaches. They’ve gotten so much worse. The baby keeps kicking so I haven’t slept, and I have to keep going to the bathroom.

      I don’t want to call my mom or dad. But Guy will help. He was the best, when he was there. I wonder if he’s forgotten me. I remember the times we went on the boat together. That was cool. I wish he could have been my real father. Then he might have stayed home more, and we could have been a real family. I guess I’d

      That was it. The last entry. Rachel closed the book and got up, put the lid back on the plastic bin and headed for Guy’s office.

      Connie was on the phone in the outer office, but she waved at Rachel to go inside.

      Rachel knocked lightly, then opened the door enough to see Guy at his desk. His head rested on his hands, his shoulders were slumped, and he didn’t look up.

      “Yes, Connie.”

      “It’s me,” she said. “May I come in?”

      He raised his head, and smiled at her. God, he looked like hell, red-rimmed eyes, his dark hair unkempt and spiky. For the first time she could remember, Guy looked every one of his forty-three years. But in his sad smile was a welcome that she took to heart.

      “I have something,” she said, holding up the notebook. “It was in Heather’s things.”

      He changed instantly, becoming fully

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