LITMIR.BIZ

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he was …” she swallowed hard “… gone by then.” She placed the cup in the crack between the cushions, unable to bend down far enough to put it on the floor. Pushing herself to a standing position, she said, “I think I’d better go.”

      He glanced out the window. The rain had picked up and the wind was blowing stronger. He huffed as he unfolded from the chair. “I’ll drive you home.”

      “That’s not necessary. I can catch the tram.”

      “Yeah, but you’ll get wet getting there and from it to your house. I’ll drive you. Where’s home?”

      Despite his tough exterior, she liked his voice. It was slow, deep and rich. Maybe a Texan or Georgian drawl. “I live in Box Hill.”

      “That’s out toward Ferntree Gully, isn’t it?”

      “Yes.”

      “Okay. Let’s go.”

      He sounded resigned to driving her instead of being helpful. This Ryan Matthews didn’t seem to care one way or another. Had Joshua gotten him wrong or had Ryan changed?

      “If you insist.”

      “I do.” He was already heading toward the door.

      “Then thank you.”

      This trip to see Ryan had been a mistake on a number of levels. But she had learned one thing. She was definitely alone in the world.

      Forty-five minutes later, Ryan pulled onto a tree-lined street with California bungalow-style houses. The lights glowing in the homes screamed warmth, caring and permanency, all the things that he didn’t have in his life, didn’t want or deserve.

      Since they’d left his place Phoebe hadn’t tried to make conversation. She’d only spoken when giving him directions. He was no closer than he’d been earlier to knowing what she wanted.

      “Next left,” she said in a monotone.

      He turned there she indicated.

      “Last house on the right. The one with the veranda light on.”

      Ryan pulled his car to the curb. He looked at her house. It appeared well cared-for. A rosebush grew abundantly in the front yard. An archway indicated the main door. The only light shining was the one over it.

      “Is anyone expecting you?”

      “No.”

      “You live by yourself?”

      “Yes. Did you think I lived with my parents?”

      “I just thought since Joshua was gone and you were having a baby, someone would be nearby. Especially as close as you’re obviously getting to the due date.”

      “No, there’s no one. My parents were killed in an auto accident the year before I married. My only brother had moved to England two years before that. We were never really close. There is a pretty large age difference between us.” The words were matter-of-fact but she sounded lost.

      “Surely someone from Joshua’s family is planning to help out?”

      “No.”

      “Really? Why not?”

      “If you must know, they didn’t want him to marry me. They had someone else picked out. Now that he’s gone, they want nothing more to do with me.”

      “That must have been hard to hear.”

      “Yeah. It hurt.” Her tone said she still was having a hard time dealing with that knowledge. He couldn’t imagine someone not wanting to have anything to do with their grandchild.

      “Not even the baby?”

      She placed her hand on her belly. “Not even the baby. They told me it would be too hard to look at him or her and know Joshua wasn’t here.”

      “You’ve got to be kidding!” Ryan’s hands tightened on the steering wheel.

      “No. That isn’t something that I would kid about.”

      “I’m sorry.”

      “So am I. But I just think of it as their loss. If that’s the way they feel, then it wouldn’t ever be healthy for the baby to be around them. We’ll be better off without them.”

      Ryan looked at the house one more time. By its appearance, the baby would be well cared for and loved. “I’ll see you to the door.”

      “That’s not necessary.” She opened the car door.

      He climbed out and hurried around the automobile. She’d started to her feet. He held out a hand. After a second she accepted it. His larger one swallowed her smaller one. Hers was soft and smooth, very feminine. So very different from his. A few seconds later she seemed to gather strength. She removed her hand from his and stood taller.

      “Come on, I’ll see you to the door.” Even to his own ears it sounded as if he was ready to get rid of her.

      “I’ll be fine. You’ve already helped enough by driving me home.” She started up the walk lined with flowers and stopped, then looked back at him. “I’m sorry to have bothered you.”

      Ryan waited to see if she would turn around again, but she didn’t. When the light went out on the porch he pulled away from the curb.

      Phoebe closed the door behind her with a soft click. Through the small window she saw the lights of Ryan’s car as he drove off.

      What had she expected? That he would immediately say, “I’ll take care of you, I’ll be there for you”? She moved through the house without turning any lights on. She knew where every piece of furniture and every lamp was located. With the exception of the few times that Joshua had been home during their marriage, no one had lived with her. Nothing was ever moved unless she did it.

      Their marriage had consisted mostly of them living apart. They had met when she was eighteen and fresh out of school. The tall, dark man dressed in a uniform had taken her breath away. Joshua had made it clear what it would be like, being married to a serviceman, and she had been willing to take on that life. She was strong and could deal with it.

      It hurt terribly that his parents had said they wouldn’t be around to help her with the baby. He or she needed grandparents in their life. With her parents gone they were the only ones. She’d been devastated when she’d received the letter stating they would not be coming around. They had sent some money. Phoebe had thought about returning it but had decided to start a fund at the bank for the baby instead. Not knowing their grandchild would be their loss.

      For her the baby was about having a small part of Joshua still in her life. Her hope was that Joshua’s parents might change their minds. Either way, right now she was on her own. Not a feeling she enjoyed. In a moment of weakness she’d gone to Ryan’s house, but she didn’t plan to let him know how bone deep the hurt was that Joshua’s parents wanted nothing to do with her. How lonely she was for someone who’d known and loved Joshua.

      She turned on the lamp beside her bed and glanced at the picture of her and Joshua smiling. They’d been married eight years but had spent maybe a year together in total. That had been a week or two here, or a month there. They had always laughed that their marriage was like being on vacation instead of the day in, day out experience of living together. Even their jobs had been vastly different. Joshua had found his place in the service more than with her. She’d found contentment in teaching. It had given her the normalcy and stability that being married to a husband who popped in and out hadn’t.

      Each time Joshua had come home it had been like the first heart-pounding, whirlwind and all-consuming first love that had soon died out and become the regular thud of everyday life. They’d had to relearn each other and getting in the groove had seemed harder to achieve. As they’d grown older they’d both seemed to pull away. She’d had her set life and routine and Joshua had invaded it when he’d returned.

      Removing her clothes, she laid

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