LITMIR.BIZ

      The scene on historic, neon-lit Fremont Street was an unprecedented bloodbath last night as a crowd of several thousand went into a panic, killing and trampling one another as they scrambled to survive a “zombie apocalypse.” The frenzy began when the body of Marston Greenwood, thirty-eight, of Portland, Oregon, was discovered in the midst of an Old West display beneath a blazing green neon Z. The man appeared to have been partially consumed by some sort of animal, which sent the crowd into a frenzy just as, ironically, the cast of the new Zombievillerevue appeared on the street for a promotional stunt—with tragically unfortunate timing. While eyewitness accounts vary, one survivor, Sam Nichols of Nunnelly, Tennessee, claims, “Some guy who walked like a mummy and had a serious skin rash stumbled toward a woman just as she discovered the body. She screamed, and the man next to her—I think he was a Texan, ’cuz he was fast on the draw—tried to protect her and shot the zombie or actor or whatever the hell he was. Then people were screaming, running like crazy. There was a giant hairy creature roaring down the road, and I couldn’t tell the showgirls from the hookers or the actors. Music was blaring from somewhere, but you could still hear everyone screaming. Looked to me like zombies or werewolves or vampires or God only knows what were ripping through the streets, tearing into everyone.”

      Despite Nichols’s claims and other similar reports, police, state and federal authorities have characterized the tragic incident as a case of mass hysteria in reaction to the combination of an unfortunate death and the ill-timed promotional performance by the Zombieville cast. The agencies have joined forces for the continuing investigation into the tragedy. Pending notification of family, the names of the dead are being withheld.

      While the area is currently closed, Mayor Herman Langston is assuring the local population and tourists alike that the situation is now under complete control. “Vegas is open for business. Police are out in force, and while we’re all shocked and saddened by the horrific events of last evening, we will not be shut down by this tragedy that has been visited upon our exceptional city. The local hotels and casinos are offering free rooms and entertainment, so if you already have plans to visit us, don’t change a thing. And if you don’t already have plans, then this is the time to make them.”