LITMIR.BIZ

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      his is so incredibly typical.

      The one time my dad isn’t at the back of a photo shoot, trying to ‘liven things up a bit’ by stealing bits of mannequin and pretending he has three arms and four legs, is the one time I really need him here.

      But Dad’s at a job interview and I now have less than fifty minutes to get to a destination over an hour away.

      As the taxi driver points out cheerfully after I clamber into the back and beg him to hurry: “I can only go as fast as the traffic, Goldilocks. I’m part of it, ain’t I?”

      Which I would probably look at as a kind of poignant universal truth if I wasn’t preoccupied by trying to make myself as light as possible, in the hope that the decreased weight would allow the car to accelerate faster.

      And also with correcting his grammar.

      There’s nothing else I can do. Thanks to the laws of physics – and irony – the factors dictating how fast I get to my exam apparently do not include a) crying, b) hyperventilating or c) repeating ‘sugar cookies’ until the taxi driver shuts the internal window and flicks the switch that stops him being able to hear me.

      So I may as well use the remaining time constructively to update you on what’s been happening in the past six months.

      Here’s a brief synopsis:

      1. I’ve become even less popular. Geek + Model = a whole new set of graffiti on your belongings.

      2. I’m trying to cry less about it. We each expel an average of 121 litres of tears in a lifetime, and I can’t afford to dry up before I even hit sixth form.

      3. My dad is still out of work, and Annabel is still working as a lawyer. This is worth noting, because my stepmother is now seven months pregnant, and Dad is definitely not.

      4. Apparently the average person eats a ton of food a year: the weight of a fully grown elephant. Annabel is doing her best to single-handedly challenge this statistic. She is huge.

      5. My best friend, Nat, has turned sixteen, and I have not. This means that Nat can now legally play pinball in Georgia, USA after 11pm and fly a plane solo in the UK, and I cannot.

      6. I have modelled twice for Baylee, gone on a few go-sees (when not spending time productively locked in a cleaning cupboard) and that’s it.

      7. I’ve finally reached the painful conclusion that my hair is not strawberry blonde.

      8. It’s ginger.

      And that’s it. Everything else has stayed exactly the same.

      My stalker, Toby, still orbits me like some kind of slightly snotty moon and my nemesis, Alexa, still inexplicably hates me.

      My agent, Wilbur, still makes up words whenever he feels like it, and the fashion designer, Yuka Ito, is still totally terrifying.

      My dog, Hugo, is still fond of sampling anything sticky he spots on the pavement and I still keep my textbooks lined up in alphabetical, chromatic and subject order.

      Because that’s how real life is: people and situations and dogs don’t change that often, even when you have written very careful plans and tried to force them to.

      And if I could leave my list there, I would. Because it’s a nice list, isn’t it? A lovely, positive list that looks forward to an entire summer with Nat, a brand-new graffiti-less satchel next term, and – quite soon – the legal ability to fly planes on my own whenever I feel like it.

      But I can’t leave it there, because one more thing happened. And – for a little while, anyway – it made all the other points seem less important:

      9. Lion Boy dumped me.

      

      Reasons Not to Think About Nick

      1 He told me not to.

      on’t worry. It’s not as bad as it sounds.

      I mean, in some ways it’s exactly as bad as it sounds. Four months after our first kiss, Nick told me we shouldn’t see each other any more and then he abruptly disappeared from my life. I haven’t seen or heard from him since. Not a text. Not a phone call or a voicemail. Not an email. Not a tweet or a Facebook message. Not even a fax (even though I’m not sure who faxes these days, but the option is still sort of there, isn’t it?).

      But it’s totally OK. You don’t spend nearly sixteen years reading novels about love and scanning poetry about love and listening to songs about love and watching films about love without coming away with a pretty good idea of how love stories go.

      Everybody knows the dramatic ups and downs are what make the difference between a real love story – the kind that people make into films – and a boring one that nobody bothers writing or singing about.

      Would Pride and Prejudice be popular if Darcy and Lizzy hooked up at the first ball?

      Would Wuthering Heights be a classic if Cathy chose Heathcliff?

      Would Romeo and Juliet be studied in school if they dated for a few years and then got married and moved to the suburbs of Mantua?

      Exactly.

      So even if your love story involves somebody dumping you and moving back to Australia, as Shakespeare said you just have to refuse to “admit impediments”, and then they’ll come back to you. Everybody knows that.

      And, yes, it’s been more than two months so it’s taking Nick a little bit longer than it probably should, but he must be on his way.

      All I have to do is wait.

      In the meantime, I’m trying not to think about him. I don’t think about his coffee-coloured skin, or his big black lion curls, or his green smell, or his eyes that slant up at the corners. I don’t think about the tilt of his nose, or the wideness of his smile, or the way he used to rub his thumb across my knuckle when we were holding hands and tap the end of my nose after I sneezed (which was very unhygienic, but for some gross and deeply disturbing reason I liked it).

      I don’t think about how he makes me feel like a lightning bug: as if part of me is full of fire, and the other part of me can fly.

      I don’t think about how I’d be with him all the time, if I possibly could.

      And I absolutely never think about the fact that I’m not really enjoying this bit of my love story, and that I’d have much preferred the boring kind where Nick stayed and everything carried on exactly as it was before.

      Even if it broke all the rules of romance straight down the middle.

      The driver clears his throat.

      “In love, Goldilocks?” He winks at me in the rear-view mirror, waving his hand in my direction. “That explains a lot.”

      I look in surprise at the anatomically correct heart I’ve been sketching on the window, and then blush and wipe it away. Subtle, Harriet.

      “Nope,” I say as nonchalantly as I can. “I’m just … prepping for next year’s biology module.”

      “Course you are.” The driver grins. “Anyway, thought you was in an ’urry? Some kind

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