LITMIR.BIZ

      I heard him before I even rounded the corner. When I reached the door two guards, a Banshee and an Imp, snapped to attention.

      ‘Take it easy, guys,’ I said. They relaxed but not much.

      I jumped when I heard the volume of the shouts on the other side of the door.

      ‘DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?’ Brendan bellowed with a voice that was going hoarse. ‘YOU ARE ALL IN BIG TROUBLE! DO YOU HEAR ME?’

      I motioned for the door to be opened. The Banshee reached for the handle and the Imp stepped in front of me gripping his banta stick.

      ‘Hold on,’ I said, putting my hand on his shoulder. ‘That won’t be necessary.’

      ‘Are you sure you want to go in there alone?’ the Imp asked.

      ‘I’m sure.’ Just then a thunderous crash shook the door from the inside. ‘Well, maybe you could lend me your stick.’

      The Imp stared at me with an It’s your funeral look and handed me his banta stick. ‘Brendan,’ I called through the door, ‘I’m coming in, don’t attack me. OK?’

      There was no answer so I braced myself and stuck my nose around the jamb. Detective Fallon was standing in the middle of the room. His shirt tail was half out, his hair stuck out at a wacky forty-five-degree angle. He was panting and covered with sweat. His eyes weren’t as crazy as the last time I saw him, but I wasn’t about to shake his hand. I closed the door behind me. ‘I see you have been busy turning our furniture into toothpicks.’

      ‘Kidnapping is a very serious crime.’

      ‘You can add it to the murder charge if you like, but I didn’t do either of them.’

      ‘Where am I?’ he said, taking a menacing step towards me.

      ‘Easy, fella,’ I said, positioning my stick, ‘I don’t want to hit you with one of these a third time.’

      ‘A third time?’

      ‘Yes, I hit you once in the neck at the police station and once in the head upstairs.’

      ‘That was you?’ he said, rubbing the side of his head where I am sure it hurt.

      ‘Yeah, sorry, I got a little carried away.’

      ‘I don’t remember much about the second time,’ he said calming down a bit, ‘I was …’

      ‘Freaked out,’ I finished for him. ‘Don’t worry about it, The Land can do that to you – I know. Hey, let’s sit down and talk about this nicely.’ I looked around the room but there wasn’t any place to sit. Not one piece of furniture was any bigger than my forearm. Keeping one eye on Brendan I backed up to the door and opened it a crack. ‘Could you get us a couple of chairs?’ I glanced back at the devastation of the room. ‘Cheap ones.’

      Brendan glared at me while I kicked pieces of smashed furnishings into the corner. A guard came in carrying two simple chairs. ‘Are these cheap enough for you, Your Highness?’

      ‘They’ll be fine,’ I said, indicating with a tilt of my head for him to leave.

      Brendan examined his chair before he sat in it. I wasn’t sure if he didn’t trust me or if he was studying it to see how easy it would be to smash. ‘What language are you are speaking?’

      ‘Ancient Gaelic. It’s the lingo around here.’

      ‘And where is here?’

      ‘You’re in The Land, Brendan. I wasn’t lying.’

      ‘You’re telling me that I’m in that Never-Never Land you babbled on about?’

      ‘Tir na Nog actually, but now that I think about it, the concept is the same.’

      ‘And who are you – Tinkerbell?’

      ‘Well, I would prefer to think of myself as more of a Peter-like person but we are getting off the subject. You’re here now. I don’t know how you got here.’

      ‘The last thing I clearly remember is grabbing onto a horse’s tail.’

      ‘Ah,’ I said. ‘That explains it. You were pulled through when my mother opened a door to another world, this world, The Land.’

      ‘I don’t believe you.’

      ‘I don’t blame you, it even sounds crazy to me and I’ve done it a couple of times before, but that’s the truth of it. It would be easier if you accepted it.’

      Brendan rubbed his head in the place where I had clocked him.

      ‘Head hurting?’

      He nodded.

      ‘Have you eaten?’

      In response he pointed to his left. A tray lay at the foot of a wall surrounded by broken crockery. Above it dripped the remains of a breakfast.

      ‘I’ll take that as a no then.’

      I stood and opened the door a crack and spoke to the guards. ‘Could you get me a couple of apples and some willow tea?’

      ‘OK,’ Brendan said when I sat down again, ‘for the sake of argument, let’s say I believe you. When are you going to let me go?’

      ‘I’ll talk to my mother about sending you back as soon as things calm down around here.’

      ‘I want to see her now!’

      A knock came at the door. I was glad for the excuse to stand up and put a bit of space between us. He was getting agitated again. The guard handed me a tray with two apples, a teapot and a couple of mugs. I placed it on the floor between us and offered Brendan an apple. He stared at it but he didn’t take it.

      ‘I’m not trying to poison you, Brendan. Look.’ I took a bite out of the apple. It was gorgeous, as good, if not better than I remembered. ‘You have got to try this,’ I garbled as I wiped juice off my chin. ‘It will change your whole outlook.’

      Brendan took the already bitten apple from my hand, stared at it for a moment

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