LITMIR.BIZ

      We admitted we were powerless

      over alcohol—that our lives

      had become unmanageable.

      I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. . . . I can will what is right, but I cannot do it.

      —Romans 7:15, 18

       THE COURAGE TO CHANGE

      There is one subject that we tend to avoid. Strangely, it is not the subject of sex or money or politics or death or even religion. What we often prefer not to talk about openly is the topic of our weaknesses. We are seldom prepared to discuss this aspect of our lives honestly—not even with our loved ones or close friends. We would much rather dodge the issue. When someone asks how we are doing, our usual answer is, “Fine, thank you.”

      There are a number of reasons why this is so. To begin with, the word weakness has negative connotations. We tend to think negatively about people we consider to be weak-willed or weak-kneed or weak-minded. They are the losers, the ones who are usually defeated, the unfortunates who lack what it takes to succeed. In today’s society such people are looked down upon. We do not want to be thought of in this way.

      Another reason might be that, from an early age, many of us are taught to be strong, especially those of us who are male. We receive a clear message: The successful are those who are in control, who have it all together. Even if we are not on top of things, it becomes important to pretend that we are. And so we continually try to look stronger or smarter or more successful than we really are. We cannot mention our weaknesses too loudly. The weak perish, we are told, and only the strong survive.

      A third reason could simply be that we are often quite blind to our own weaknesses. Usually we prefer to notice them in others. Or we deny them. Or we try to rationalize them away. We have a remarkable capacity for self-delusion and denial. When confronted about our failures, we say something like, “I don’t know what came over me. I just wasn’t myself.” Quite frankly, what comes over us are our weaknesses, whatever they may be.

      The wonderful news is that we can live beyond our weaknesses. They are the place where new life can often break forth. In other words, we do not have to remain stuck. There is a tried and tested program for us to grow and to change into better people. The Twelve Step program, as some have called it, is available to everyone. It’s down to earth, practical, and filled with biblical wisdom. But before we can begin to experience its benefits and blessings, there is an important precondition. We first need to admit our weaknesses. So let me ask you, are you someone who is willing to do this?

      I have put together a simple, homemade “Quick Quiz” to help you think about this question. You might go through it quickly, answering each question with a simple yes or no.

      QUICK QUIZ

      •Do you struggle to admit to problems when you have them?

      •Do you struggle to ask others for help?

      •Do you find it easier to serve than to be served?

      •Are you afraid to cry, to show deep emotion?

      •Would you struggle against going for counseling?

      •Do you tend to blame others for your failures?

      •Do you sometimes wear a mask of self-sufficiency and confidence?

      •Do you struggle to listen without judgment when others speak of their weaknesses and failures?

      •Are you sometimes too tired to keep running and too scared to stop?

      •Are you reluctant to go to the doctor when you are not feeling well?

      How did it go? If you answered yes to some of these questions, it could be that you are one of the many who find it difficult to admit their weaknesses. If so, would you allow the wisdom of the first step of the Twelve Step program to speak to you? It is a wisdom that comes directly from the pages of the Bible and can be summarized like this:

      The first step toward change involves a courageous admission of our weaknesses.

      When we cannot take this first step, we cut ourselves off from the experience of God’s power changing us from the inside out.

      Let us, then, try to explore the subject of our weaknesses more deeply.

      EXPLORING OUR WEAKNESSES

      What do we mean when we speak of weaknesses? I have in mind those things that repeatedly defeat us, that spoil our lives and our relationships, that we cannot seem to fix in our own strength. Those things over which, in the words of the Twelve Step program, we seem to be powerless and that make our lives unmanageable. I will give some specific examples. Perhaps you will be able to identify these weaknesses in your own life.

      First and foremost, there is the weakness of our will. There is little doubt in my mind that the human will is God’s most precious gift to us. It represents that deepest part of who we are, that inner place where all our choices and decisions are made. Yet, often our human will is also extremely limited. Just think of the many times you have resolved to do the right and good thing but have failed. Even one of the greatest spiritual giants struggled in this regard. “What I don’t understand about myself,” Paul wrote, “is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise” (Rom. 7:15, The Message). Does this dilemma ring a bell with your experience?

      Second, there is the weakness of our addictive behavior. It is not only the alcoholic or drug abuser who is an addict. In one way or another, many of us struggle with some form of addictive behavior. Think of the various substances on which we can so easily become

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