LITMIR.BIZ

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      “If you could run faster, you could catch up,” Allie said.

      “You’re younger than me, so I always let you win.” Cole’s voice was a little deeper. Or maybe that was my imagination. Some days he seemed to have aged a thousand years in less than ten.

      In previous lives, most spats only lasted a few minutes. No more than an hour or so, if they were over something serious, such as what flowers they were going to plant in the gardens or changing the design of a room in the house from archaic to something more modern.

      Cole was always so old-fashioned, whereas Allie’s tastes were more artsy. Don’t get me wrong, she wasn’t like Ava, whose only concern was the extravagance of her home.

      I think, looking back, that Allie tried to separate herself from the couple’s painful past in simple gestures such as doing away with some ratty piece of old furniture that Cole considered a treasure to cleave to forever. Though the previous people they’d been had been about as compatible as a tornado and a trailer park, they’d never fought over anything that would have rocked their marriage or shaken their love for one another. Now, as children, the last spat ended because a new one had started.

      Cole called for Allie around the side of the house. His voice was mischievous—again.

      * * * *

      When Cole was twelve years old, he became withdrawn. He avoided Allie and upon accidental encounters with her, his thoughts were so loud that I couldn’t block them.

      I used to torture you. Now you torture me. And you don’t even know it.

      He sounded so much older.

      I decided two weeks into his twelfth year that it was time. He had become a total recluse. His spirit seemed broken.

      He stood on the lookout for Allie from the balcony of his room on the first floor. His thoughts took a downward spiral.

      I can’t be normal. I’m supposed to want to play video games, go fishing, swim, hang out with other kids my age, but all I can think about is some guy I’ve never met hugging some really pretty girl that for some reason I feel like I’m supposed to know. Then when Allie’s around, I can’t think, I stutter, I get hot, then cold, then sweat, and then I feel like I’m going to pass out. Or throw up. Or both. And Mom would probably think I was crazy if I told her. She’d probably make me a doctor’s appointment.

      Cole couldn’t go on thinking something was wrong with him.

      And Allie couldn’t continue to think that she was the reason for Cole’s behavior. She’d approached me many times in the last few weeks to tell me she couldn’t get Cole to come down from his room.

      I assured her I’d speak with him.

      Her hazel eyes had glistened with hope and her caramel and golden locks shined as she nodded.

      * * * *

      I knocked on Cole’s bedroom door after dinner, which had been especially quiet.

      “What, Mom?” he said.

      “How did you know it was me?” My heart stopped. What if he’d heard my thoughts?

      “I know your knock.” His voice was solemn.

      I took a deep breath. Good. We needed to talk, but I wasn’t quite ready for the whole shebang. I went in and leaned on the door. It clicked shut.

      “The whole shebang, huh? I’d wondered if you knew or if I was going crazy. Have a seat.” Cole sighed and sat Indian style on his bed, offering the spot in front of him. He stared at me expectantly.

      I was at a loss for words. I landed into a seated position on his bed. My legs were spongy.

      He shoved a book aside. Since when had he started reading?

      “Why don’t you start with telling me what you know?” I said, trying to take the awkwardness out of the situation, but that was downright impossible.

      “Where do I start?” Cole leveled me with an even stare.

      Staring from behind his eyes was no longer my little boy.

      Tears filled my eyes.

      Cole’s eyes dashed to a poster on his wall, but he looked back to me with a wince and took my hand. “Mom, I’ll always be your little boy, no matter what I remember.”

      Despite all the times we’d argued in the past, we’d grown close quickly, but I’d never imagined he’d be my son. A brother figure, but never my son. Now the prospect of losing him was even more painful.

      “When did you know?” I said.

      “I honestly don’t know. I’ve been getting little glimpses of the past since I can remember, but I just never paid attention to them. Not until recently.” His voice had changed to that of a more educated person with more wisdom under his belt than any other sixth-grader. Two weeks had matured Cole by years.

      “Until recently? What happened?” I steeled myself for the memory he would recite.

      “It comes in bits and pieces, but the most important thing was I remembered that I loved her.” Cole stared at the Batman blanket on his bed.

      Wow. What could you say to that?

      “There’s not a lot you can say. You couldn’t exactly come to me and say, ‘Son, you have died so many times now, I’ve lost count. What do you want for dinner?’”

      “Do you realize the broad spectrum of what we need to talk about? I don’t know where to start. I mean, there’s the sex talk, the Allie talk, the Grace talk. Do you know how complicated you are?” The humor in my voice blanched behind the seriousness of the matter.

      “I’m beginning to see.” Cole sounded so wise. “And please. No sex talk. I think I remember enough to have that covered.”

      “Oh, my.” My voice cracked. “Where did my son go?”

      Cole squeezed my hand then released it. His face pinched in deep thought. His dark red lips opened then shut.

      “It’s okay. I know I’m your mom, but I was your best friend at one point. You can talk to me.” The tension in my back subsided a little now that we were finally talking. Really talking.

      “How do I live around her and know the things I know about us? I feel like I am keeping a huge, double-barrel secret from her that’s getting ready to go off with the next word I say. I don’t know how to deal with that. I have all these emotions running through me that have no place right now. I feel this huge need to protect her from all things bad. I remember.… Shelby, I remember holding her in the dark when I was in my mid-twenties. I remember things a twelve-year-old shouldn’t.” Cole laughed incredulously, and for the first time the old Cole Kinsley’s impish grin aged his face.

      “Okay, so this is a little weird. I thought I could get past the you-being-my-little-boy aspect of this situation, but this is a bit much,” I said.

      “Hey, you said I could talk. I have to have an outlet.”

      I closed my eyes. “I knew this day was coming, but how could I ever have prepared for it. I don’t understand. You realized in the other lives when you hit puberty.”

      “Seriously, I’m twelve, not five.”

      “Don’t remind me.”

      “Help me get away from it.” Cole leaned toward me, forcing my gaze to his.

      I would have sworn he was thirty.

      “I can’t be around her when I know what she looks like naked. And in case you haven’t noticed the changes in other children at our school, puberty comes a little sooner than it used to. Why do you think I’m having such a difficult time?”

      “We are going to get through this.”

      “But what if she detects that something is different? What

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