LITMIR.BIZ

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      He hurled out so fast that he didn’t take a radio. When Roberts ducked down a dark alley, Troy followed him. We couldn’t see either of them.

      After waiting a few minutes, panic began to set in. I opened the van door.

      The other agent yelled, “We need to stay put.”

      “We can’t even see him now,” I rationalized. “What if he’s in trouble?”

      I ducked down that same blind alley and heard a scuffle. With my gun drawn, I crept up the sidewall behind a green, industrial Dumpster. Suddenly the struggle ended.

      Roberts laughed. “You’ve nothing on me. Get ready to die.”

      Taking a deep breath for courage, I walked a few paces more and saw Roberts on top of my case leader, his gun in Troy’s face.

      I identified myself by saying, “Freeze—FBI!” When he cocked his gun, I shot mine on impulse.

      After the smoke cleared, I realized I had shot a man for the very first time in my life. I suddenly felt this awful guilt. Although I’d spent countless hours at the firing range, I was not prepared for the emotional reaction that I would have when I was actually in that situation.

      “What have I done?” I mumbled.

      Then Troy was in front of me, taking the warm weapon from my hands. “If you hadn’t shot him, he would have killed me. I’m forever grateful—and glad you disobeyed my order and got out of that van.” He smiled.

      After Internal Affairs investigated for days, they concluded I did the only thing I could. Still, I was mentally drained and shaken. After the shooting I couldn’t handle my emotions in the field, so my boss, Agent Thomas Hunter, decided to keep me chained to my desk, reviewing cases and talking to confidential sources, gathering evidence until he thought I was ready to get back out there.

      Troy understood my disappointment. Not too long after I was benched, he asked to buy me a late meal. Since the shooting, I didn’t like being alone at night, so I accepted his offer. We went to a local steak house and ate and drank for several hours. Later, Troy saw me to my door. I was slightly inebriated and he wanted to make sure that I got in safely. He opened the door for me with my keys but didn’t say good night.

      Troy looked deep into my eyes that hazy April night and told me I was beautiful and sexy. I hadn’t heard that from a man in too long.

      I pulled him close to me and kissed him deeply. I wanted to be found attractive again by a man. It had been years since I’d felt the warm hands of a strong man all over my body. No part of me hesitated as I slipped into his arms.

      Though Troy made it clear he didn’t want anything serious, that was the first of many wonderful, sensual nights that we would spend together. Law enforcement wasn’t the kind of career that lent itself to settling down. The women Troy had dated before me didn’t understand that. The long hours and spur of the moment out of town trips for weeks at a time without a decent night off weren’t the kind of thing most women could deal with. He was one of the FBI’s best agents, so he handled some of the biggest cases in the world. Romance came second to adventure for Troy.

      At first, that wasn’t high on my priority list, either, so we made a good match. We’d get together whenever we felt like keeping each other’s bed warm. Other than that, neither of us had any expectations. Months ago that was okay, but now, lying next to him, I was suddenly sick of the arrangement.

      As I gazed at his muscular body, toffee-colored skin, and handsome face, I thought maybe, just maybe, I was ready for more than just casual sex with no commitment. Something inside made me see this as wrong. Was it the Holy Spirit at work?

      Stepping out of bed, I hurried to the bathroom. It was almost two A.M. Spending the night this time was not an option. I had too much going on inside me. Not only was I starting to hate our no-strings-attached relationship, I was also starting to despise my profession. I was honestly burnt-out personally and professionally. Our unit worked closely with the Drug Enforcement Agency, following seedy characters from state to state until we finally got enough evidence for an arrest. But each time I saw a major drug dealer get off on a technicality, it made me want another job. And watching others work on cases in the field while I was still tied to a desk didn’t help matters any.

      Standing at the sink, I stared at my dim reflection in the mirror. Troy often complimented me on my smooth brown complexion and warm, hazel eyes. I was just glad my eyelashes were long and thick so I didn’t have to use mascara. I never wore much makeup, preferring to rely on my own natural, God-given attributes. Glamour and guns only mixed in the movies.

      I really needed to redo my highlights, though. I ran my fingers through my short hair and thought about the fine man in the next room. Suddenly my insides started churning.

      One part of me wondered why I was tripping. Maybe I just needed to crawl back into bed with him and get some more loving. Or maybe I needed some space. It seems like just yesterday that my first and only love, Max Cross, broke my heart. Max and I dated all four years at Baylor. I majored in Criminal Justice and he was a Business major. We met at a freshman party and were inseparable from then on. He was an exceptionally sexy man with creamy clay skin and hazel-brown eyes that made me melt. I thought we’d get married, and I was devastated when we broke up. I shouldn’t have told him I was pregnant. The abortion broke my heart—and our relationship.

      To get over that pain, I took on more shifts at my job at a local restaurant, Texan Grill, where I’d been working to earn money to send back to my mother and sister. It hadn’t been more than three months before the married manager, Damien, and I began having an affair. I knew it wasn’t right. But Damien just treated me so well—like a queen, and I hadn’t been treated like that before. He bought me things and took me on trips. I didn’t know what he told his wife and didn’t care until the day she caught us in the act.

      Over the next six months, I applied and got accepted into a training program for the Federal Bureau of Investigation. It’s been less than six years. After doing well on other assignments and saving Agent Evans’s life, I now enjoyed the respect of my colleagues. They started calling me “the woman with everything going on.” It was true. I was good-looking, well put-together. Whatever I wore always suited me. And I’d never had a problem attracting a man. But what difference did all that really make? I wasn’t happy. There had to be more to this life than survival. I felt empty and needed to be filled by something everlasting, but how could I get that. The only thing I knew was that I had to change the crazy way I was living.

      I sighed and reached to turn on the faucet. That’s when I saw the condom Troy and I had used just hours before. The shriveled-up thing wasn’t balled up in the wastebasket, but curled up on the sink, positioned as if it had been inspected.

      “What the…?” I screeched out, completely lost in anger as I realized what must have happened.

      Troy’s voice came suddenly from the other room. “You got a problem?”

      “Yes,” I snapped. “What is this?”

      He made his way to the bathroom, and eyed the condom beside me. “Would you calm down, baby. I’m sure it’s no big deal.”

      “Troy, don’t play. Did this burst?”

      “I…I don’t know. I’m not sure.”

      “What do you mean, you’re not sure. You’re a grown man, Troy.”

      Troy scanned my naked body with hungry eyes and tried to pull me close, but I held back. Didn’t he get that I was pissed?

      “I can open another one,” he whispered. “It’ll only take a second for me to put it on.”

      “You knew the condom broke, didn’t you?” I said, scanning his guilty face and ignoring his new erection. “I can’t have a baby and work in the FBI!”

      “Don’t even sweat that. You’re cool. I’m over thirty. I’ve been sexually active since my teens. I’ve been with lots of women and never

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