LITMIR.BIZ

      KENSINGTON BOOKS

       http://www.kensingtonbooks.com

      Contents

      The Cheat Sheet

      1 The Real Thing

      2 Me

      3 The Rich Kid

      4 The Ride

      5 Big Gulp

      6 Getting There Incognito

      7 Bram

      8 The Page Numbers Are Done

      9 Black

      10 Coach

      11 The Zoe Story

      12 John Doyle

      13 Dinner With Fat Lizzie

      14 In The Closet, Literally

      15 Whitney

      16 Blow Break

      17 Self-Medicating

      18 Stroke Break

      19 Cock And Tails

      20 Agony

      21 Dave

      22 Stoner Gossip

      23 Ball And Chain

      24 Sweet Suite

      25 He Called

      26 Home Wrecker

      27 The John Doyle Story

      28 The Strikeout

      29 Spinner

      30 Annoying

      31 The Rest Of The John Doyle Story

      32 Toxic

      33 Jackass

      34 My Straight Man Thing

      35 Lizzie And John

      36 The Rapist

      37 God

      38 The Run In

      39 The Rest Of The Zoe Story

      40 Wham Bam Bram

      41 Fun With Fractions

      42 The Story

      43 Kiss

      44 Smile

      45 Coach D

      46 Weakling

      47 Lost And Found

      48 In The Text

      49 Brutal

      50 Totally Played

      51 The Hotel Bar

      52 Well-Conditioned Hair

      53 Random

      54 The Shelf Life Of A Twinkie

      55 Busted

      56 Cherry Pie

      57 The Urban Myth

      58 I Love Her

      59 We Left

      60 What Really Is Enough?

      61 The End

      Thanks And Shit

      The Cheat Sheet

      There are a lot of people in this book. It was a reunion so I met up with a bunch of people from the past and I also talked about the people in my regular, current life. So here’s a little list of the players so that if you’re reading and you’re like—Wait, who the fuck is that again?—you can look back and find out here. They’re in no particular order, so you’ll just have to wade through.

      Lizzie: She’s my best friend. We went to college together and still talk every day and see each other all the time. She’s straight and kind of single and she’s really pretty.

      Tommy: He’s my other best friend. He also went to college with us and the three of us—Tommy, Lizzie, and I—all went up to reunion together. He’s like my partner in crime and we spend a lot of time together. And oh yeah, sometimes we hook up with each other, but just for the sex.

      Bram: Bram is the guy I’m dating at the time I wrote the book and went to the reunion. We weren’t like strict or monogamous or anything yet, but we had a thing. Anyway, he didn’t go to college with us but you’ll read a little about him.

      Geoff: Geoff went to college with us and dated Tommy during our junior year. We haven’t been in touch with him since graduation.

      Dave: Straight as a nail and sexy as a naked rugby team, I had an intense crush on him and was kind of in love with him a little too. Tommy, Lizzie, and I were all really good friends with Dave. Over the past few years we’d all lost touch with him.

      Zoe: A shameless self-promoter, we were friendly in college. Lizzie is still friends with her and I talk to her sporadically. She’s had worse than bad luck with men and with Zoe there is always a story.

      Jack: Jack was the one true love of my life. We went out for about a year and then things went wrong. He went to school with us also but was older and not part of our reunion class. Currently, he’s dating a twink named Andrew.

      Dylan: He was the campus drug dealer who we were hoping would still be good for a score. A nice guy, friends with everyone; we heard about him a lot but didn’t really keep in touch after graduation.

      Andrew: He’s some skinny, young twink with incredibly important hair who is dating Jack. He didn’t go to school with us; in fact, he might have been in diapers at the time.

      Coach Donnelly: The very hot and straight coach of the college tennis team. I played on the team in college. And I lusted after him.

      Thad Newland: Thad was a pompous, absurdly rich asshole who was friends with Lizzie—and by extension distantly friendly with me—back when we were in school. We don’t really keep in touch with him but Lizzie follows his life in the society pages and in posh magazines.

      Liza: The self-crowned princess of our college, Liza thought she was the shit. She was friendlier with Lizzie than with me, and Tommy doesn’t like her at all. She was on the girls’ tennis team freshman year and she also thought the coach was smoking hot. Lizzie still keeps in touch with her.

      John Doyle: A hot, fun guy who also played on the tennis team with me. We were all friends with him but none of us kept in touch with him after college—on purpose. He’s now married to a sweet moron.

      1

      The Real Thing

      Guys always ask me if the shit I write is real. And, well, yeah it is, mostly. I mean the sex is based on real encounters; the characters are all based on real people; the contexts of the stories are pretty much real; and the places it’s all set in are real. But to protect the not-so-innocent, and to keep myself out of a courtroom, I’ve got to change a bunch of shit around and make it so that the average reader can’t easily recognize who I’m talking about; or more important, who I am. So some people’s characteristics might be interchanged and some circumstances a little flip-flopped, but the important shit is real.

      I’m not all ashamed of my sex life or anything but we live in a society that pretty much frowns on my lifestyle. I’ve got a real-life job that I like and want to keep, and a family I’m pretty close to who really doesn’t need to know the explicit details of my sordid sex life, and so I need to protect my privacy. Then there’re all the lunatics

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