LITMIR.BIZ

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I’ll have to stop at the one in the main hall. I can’t wait to tell Mama and Netta all about our first meeting of our new African Student Union. They’re going to be so proud. With a new club to focus on, maybe the racist plays we choose in the drama club won’t bother me so much. They can have their version of the story. With ASU, we’ll tell our own version without apology, and I can’t wait.

      The line for the girls’ restroom is always long after lunch, no matter which one we choose to use. It’s like none of the girls want to interrupt their precious lunchtime to go pee before the warning bell rings, so we all end up standing in a long-ass line and running late to fifth period. The boys’ restroom never has that problem. They go in and out ten times faster than we do. I usually go in the drama room because there’s less competition down there. But today was just one of those days.

      “Jayd, let me talk to you for a minute,” Ms. Toni says, calling me out as I exit the girls’ restroom. I knew this moment was coming, and I’m still not sure how I should react. If Ms. Toni were any other teacher, I wouldn’t care too much what she thinks about me. But when Ms. Toni’s mad at me I feel like I’ve disappointed my own mama.

      “What’s up, Ms. Toni?” I ask, repositioning my backpack on my back, ready for my hike down to the drama room. We haven’t had a real conversation in a while. I know she has a ton of questions about my role in Laura’s losing her voice on opening night of the last play we did. And I never had the chance to comment on her accusations about me having the hots for Mr. Adewale, but I hope she focuses on one issue at a time.

      “Not here. Let’s talk in my office,” she says, leading me back down the main hall where her office is housed. She smiles to other students passing by and I follow, like a child waiting for her punishment. She unlocks the door to the ASB room and continues through the empty space to the back, where her headquarters are located. It’s been too long since I’ve been back here. The stale smell of cigarettes mixed with her expensive, sweet-smelling perfume linger in the air. She must’ve gone off campus for a smoke break during lunch. Ms. Toni smells like home, and I’ve missed being in her presence.

      “Have a seat, Jayd,” she says, pointing to one of the two chairs by the door. She walks behind her crowded desk and sits across from me. The ASB students are out and about during fifth period, passing out flyers and making announcements in other classes, so we shouldn’t have any interruptions for our impromptu counseling session.

      “Nice plant,” I say, noticing the orchids sitting on the corner bookshelf behind her desk. She looks like she’s been reorganizing her crowded space. There are boxes of books and papers where stacks of the same used to be. Spring cleaning is a necessary chore for everyone, and I guess a person’s workspace is no exception.

      “Thank you. It was a gift from Laura and Reid,” she says, smiling at the gift. “They wanted to show their appreciation for my help with Macbeth, even though Laura wasn’t able to perform.” I wish I had known that before. I would’ve reserved my compliment for something else not presented to her by the king and queen of evil. “Which brings me to why I want to talk to you. I won’t keep you long. I know you’re anxious to get to class.”

      The tardy bell for fifth period rings loudly in the quaint space. After the sound passes I remain quiet, waiting for the question I’ve been dreading.

      “What really happened that night, Jayd? And don’t tell me you had nothing to do with it, because I don’t believe that for a second.” I look into Ms. Toni’s bright eyes and notice two flecks outside of the brown pupils, similar to the ones present in my own. I can’t lie to her, but I also can’t tell her the truth. What do I do?

      “You tell her what she needs to know, nothing more,” my mom says, answering my thought with one of her own. “I know you think she’s one of us because she looks familiar, Jayd, and she may be. But all of us aren’t always understanding, so be careful what you choose to reveal.”

      “I know you’re right, Mom. Thank you,” I think back. Ms. Toni looks at me inquisitively, like Jeremy does when my mom drops in on my mind. I’d better say something so I can get out of here. Not that I’m in any rush to get to drama class, especially after what happened Monday. But I do want to get off of the witness stand.

      “Ms. Toni, I can’t explain what happened that night. All I know is that one minute Laura was harassing me and the next she couldn’t speak.” I readjust myself in the wooden chair and continue with my fiction. “I was just minding my own business, getting ready for the show.”

      “Minding your own business, huh?” Ms. Toni asks, unconvinced. She taps her long red fingernails on her desk, patiently awaiting the truth. But I can tell that her patience with me has just about run out.

      “Yes. I was sitting at the vanity, doing my hair, when Laura started talking trash to me. I swear I didn’t start the argument; she did. I know better than to strain my voice before curtain call.” Ms. Toni smiles at me, but it’s not a friendly one. What does she know that I’m not privy to? I feel like I’m being set up.

      “Jayd, I’ve known you for over a year now, and if I know one thing about you, it’s that you can’t keep quiet when you feel threatened or slighted in the least bit. What Misty and Laura did to you is reprehensible, but what you did was worse,” she says, now tapping her desk with a pencil. “Do you want to know why?”

      I’m not sure if Ms. Toni’s question is rhetorical or if I should answer, so I’ll just be quiet for now. It sounds like she’s on my side, but not really.

      “It’s because I know you know better than to fight fire with fire. You’re not petty, Jayd, and I expect more from you.” My eyes begin to well up with tears. Ms. Toni’s the only teacher at this godforsaken school who can make me cry. Hell, she’s the only one who I’ll let see me shed a tear.

      “I was just defending my part,” I say, without completely confessing my role in the twisted tale. If I tell her about how my dream of Laura snatching the crown off my head basically came true, she still wouldn’t excuse my behavior. “With Misty’s help, Laura stole my crown and I had to get it back.”

      “Not like that, you didn’t.” Ms. Toni puts down her pencil and rises from behind her desk. She’s a good six feet tall, but today she looks much taller than usual. Or maybe I just feel smaller in her presence.

      Without saying a word, Ms. Toni walks over to the bookshelf and scans her collection of titles. Last year I borrowed some great books from her and read them faster than any of the texts I read in my classes. Her selection constantly changes, and I love that. After careful consideration, she pulls one of the books off the shelf and thumbs through the pages as I await my sentencing. I wish I could share the tricks of our trade with Ms. Toni. I also want to get in that permed head of hers, but that’s a conversation for another day.

      “I want you to read this novel and let me know what you think of it,” she says, walking around her desk and passing me the tattered book.

      “Voodoo Dreams,” I read aloud. I’ve heard of Jewell Parker Rhodes, but never read anything written by her. I have enough work to do with my AP exams coming up in a couple of months, not to mention the rest of the school and spirit work already on my shoulders. But from the way Ms. Toni crosses her thin arms across her chest, I don’t think she cares about my personal dilemma right now. What she has made clear is that she knows Laura lost her voice opening night of the play because of something I did, whether she has proof, a confession, an eyewitness or not. And I can’t continue telling Ms. Toni that her instincts are wrong when she obviously knows better.

      “It’s about a young girl reclaiming her African roots and the power that comes with that pride,” she says, eyeing me carefully for a response, of which I give none. “It also shows what happens when you allow other people to dominate your psyche to the point where you get down to their level.” Ms. Toni’s dark brown eyes pierce mine. I can feel exactly what she’s not saying, which is that I let Misty take my crown and went about getting it back in an underhanded way. I don’t agree with her, especially when it comes to dealing with Misty, but I’ll keep my opinion to myself.

      “Sounds

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