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you listening to me?” I snapped. “I said the new childcare program.”

      “Fine, then I need some updated information on your child’s father because we don’t have any. Do you know his name?”

      “What?”

      “His real name, not Pooky, Saboo, Supreme, Dream, or whatever else they are calling themselves these days. I mean his birth name or government name as you all call it.”

      I wanted to slap her. “It’s Quamir Lewis.”

      “His mother’s name?”

      “Huh?”

      “Your child’s grandmother’s name.”

      I sat there for a moment. “I don’t know.”

      “Okay,” the worker said as if this was beyond familiar. “Mr. Lewis’s date of birth.”

      “June 1, 19…85…” I said, more like a question than a statement. “I mean, 86.”

      “His social security number?”

      “I don’t know that.” I felt like a complete fool. “Listen, why do you need all of this just to apply for childcare? I gave all of this information before.”

      “Perhaps, but the information here is not complete.”

      I promise you I wanted to punch her in the face. “That’s all I know.”

      “Do you have a current address and his job information?”

      “No.”

      “Well, Ms. McKnight, we need his information because he has to pay child support.”

      “I don’t have it.”

      “We need your cooperation.”

      “I understand. When I find out something, I will let you know.”

      “Thank you,” she shuffled the papers. “I appreciate that. Oh,” she handed me a stack of paperwork, “you need to fill these out for the childcare program. And we need copies of two paycheck stubs.”

      “Uhm hmm,” I said. “Sure.”

      She nodded her head and I got up and left. For some reason I felt like only an hour or so had gone by, but when I looked at the clock, I realized three hours had passed. I walked to the bus stop and leaned against the rail. I had to get out of this existence. Things had to change; somehow, some way, I needed my life to be different. I didn’t have a boyfriend, I didn’t have a life. I had nothing but menial work hours and embarrassing welfare benefits.

      I caught the bus home, changed into my uniform and headed to work. As I stepped into IHOP, my cell phone rang. It was Quamir. “Hello?” I said, not knowing what to expect.

      “Wassup?” he said as if nothing had ever happened between us, a sure sign that he wanted to work things out.

      “Nothing, working,” I said, standing in the lobby before going into the back and checking on my station.

      “Oh, ai’ight. Well, when you get off, come through.”

      I blushed. “Why?”

      “’Cause I wanna see you.”

      “Sure?”

      “I’m more than sure.”

      That made my day and I knew my work hours would fly by. I made up my mind that this time I was going to get things right. Sure, Quamir had cheated and what he did wasn’t easy to accept, but I’d played my part in pushing him out there. I nagged too often, expected too much, and was always complaining about things. So this time, none of that would be going on. If I wanted peace and a relationship with my son’s father, then I had to be on my best behavior.

      After completing my shift, I caught the bus to Quamir’s house. As the back doors of the bus opened, revealing Quamir’s stoop, I saw his ex-girlfriend, Desha, sitting there. Immediately, we locked eyes and she gave me a look that said we were thinking the same thing, What is she doing here?

      Before I could collect my thoughts, Quamir walked so swiftly toward me that I practically fell backwards. “Yo’, wassup?” he said.

      “What is she doing here?” I pointed behind him.

      “You know how chicks is, always tryna come through without calling.”

      I knew he was lying. I could just tell. “So tell her to go home.”

      “Nah, I don’t wanna be rude. Her father just died.”

      “And what does that have to do with you?”

      “Look,” he said, flicking his nose, “let me hollah at you later. I’ll call you when she leaves and then you can come back through.”

      I stood there for a moment. “Excuse me? You invited me here and now you want me to leave because she’s here…unexpectedly?”

      “See, you don’t listen,” he snapped.

      “What?”

      “Just go home.”

      “I can’t keep going through this! First Shanice and now this chick. How many others is it?”

      “Yo’,” he smirked, “you can either play your position or change your position. I already told you she came by for a minute and I’ll hit you up when she’s gone. Ai’ight?”

      Tears welled in my eyes but I couldn’t cry. At that moment I realized nothing was going to change. Nothing. And no matter what I did, Quamir would always be the same. “You know what, maybe you’re right,” I said.

      “Finally, she gets it,” he said, sarcastically.

      “Yeah, and maybe I need to fall back, fall all the way back.”

      He rolled his eyes to the sky. “Here we go again.”

      “Here we go again?” I said in disbelief. “I am so serious. We are really over.”

      He yawned and stretched his arms. “Alright, Toi. Whatever you say.”

      I was in complete awe. “Quamir…you really don’t care?”

      “Look, what you want from me, a trophy, a ride or die prize or something? Every time I turn around, you always leaving, you always doing this, that and the third. And you ain’t gon’ do nothin’ but call me on the phone cryin’. Man, whatever. Like I told you when you were fighting Shanice, you not my girl, so if you wanna bounce, then do you. But don’t try and stunt and play me ’cause I got company. Yeah, I called you over here and now I’m telling you to go home. Dig? Now be out.”

      And he left me standing there. I looked at his porch and Desha pleasantly watched the whole thing. I could tell she got the biggest kick out of him playing me. I wondered for a moment if I’d died and gone to hell. But then I realized that this was my life and that I couldn’t and wouldn’t do this anymore. A part of me wanted to run up on Quamir and beat him down or ask him why. Why was he doing this? But how many times was I going to ask the same thing? It was official. I was tired of the drama, at least this type of drama. I had to get out, I needed to get away, otherwise loving this dude was clearly going to make me crazy. There was a bus coming up the street, it wasn’t even the right bus that would take me home, but I didn’t care. I just had to get away from here. I stepped on the bus and figured I would go for a ride and when I decided to find my way home, I would.

      Drama Part II

      Fly Like Me…

      5

      It was July 4th weekend, the block association was giving a slammin’ outdoor pool party, and cuties were everywhere. Chingy’s “Fly Like Me” was bumpin’ and me and my girls were funky, fresh, and fly to death. Needless to say, it was now…(drum roll please)…officially on.

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