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Tell Me Your Story. Ruda Landman
Читать онлайн.Название Tell Me Your Story
Год выпуска 0
isbn 9780624086215
Автор произведения Ruda Landman
Жанр Биографии и Мемуары
Издательство Ingram
Ruda: There needs to be a commitment from the other side.
Dineo: Yes, yes.
Ruda: But I want to ask, since you are taking people into your personal space, which is not only your personal space: tell me a bit about your husband. When did you meet?
Dineo: He actually is the one that really helped me embrace African practices because he is a traditional Zulu man, but he is very . . . People say you’re modern. I don’t understand why tradition cannot be modern. I think my husband is an open-minded traditionalist. He is the one who helped me with everything, even embracing being a trainer. He is my support system. He is the one who said, “You know, baby, it is time. You have always known your calling was bigger.” When I’m struggling to adapt to changes, he is that voice that is within me that I’m not hearing well, if that makes sense.
Ruda: And your children, what role do they play in your life?
Dineo: Oh, they play drums for the trainees, they know every ancestral spirit that I walk with. I always say that our children choose us, that they know we will be the parents that we have to be for them to become their higher selves. But we have got a check-in relationship with the family, so I have to check in with them: “How do you want Mummy to be?” “How should I be with you?” Because their time with me also gets shared.
Ruda: So you have that conversation?
Dineo: We have to, because my other work, my consultancy work, involves a lot of travelling. There was a time when I was travelling almost every week, and then I realised that they were struggling at school and it was probably because they were used to a mother who was at home most of the time, because I ran my practice from home, but now my consultancy work was taking me outside.
Ruda: (Nods) Suddenly you were absent. How old are they?
Dineo: My eldest is turning eleven, my middle one is nine and my little one is four.
Ruda: Do they step up, do they tell you what they think?
Dineo: It is not always easy; it is not an adult conversation. They find words and ways to say things, so if I ask, “What do you need?” they say, “Okay, if Mummy can make us pancakes?” That’s important to them. Or we play games. I remember once we were driving and I said, “Oh, let us speak about: ‘I like it when Mummy does this and I don’t like it when Mummy does that.’” It was fun, but they revealed so much painful truth. You know, I’m a very powerful woman, and when they said, “We don’t like it when Mummy shouts at Daddy,” I was, like, yo! And it wasn’t only about me, it was about Daddy, it was about Gogo, it was about everybody else.
Ruda: Sjoe, that’s quite a brave thing to ask.
Dineo: Ja. I come from a very violent and brutal background and I’m trying to make sure that my children don’t experience that. It’s how you become a better mother, when you recognise your own wounds so that you don’t become a wounded parent. So the fact that I am busy all the time may mean that I’m neglecting my own children. Somebody else might see it as working hard for your children and serving them, but then twenty-five years later the kids say, “We actually missed you, we didn’t care about all the money you had to make to pay school fees. We would have been happy going to a basic school, and having you present.” So those conversations with children are important. I ask, “What is important to you?” and if they say, “Well, you don’t make pancakes for us anymore,” then I say, “Okay, if I make pancakes on Sundays, will that be enough? Because if I stay home, Daddy alone cannot take care of (counts on her fingers) one, two, three that’s important to you.” Children are wise in some ways: “Okay, pancakes on Sunday,” they say. “We will be happy with pancakes on Sunday.” And then I make sure that Sundays I don’t work, Sunday is my family time.
Ruda: And tell me a little about your home. Where do you live? How did you choose it?
Dineo: We live in Cosmo City. I think what I love about Cosmo City is you’ve got the luxury of the quietness of a suburb but the openness of a township. I can play the drums, I can have a sangoma slaughtering ceremony and my neighbours won’t complain, but I could also ask for quiet and they can ask for quiet. It’s that kind of neighbourhood. It’s a beautiful neighbourhood.
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