Shéri - Shéri Brynard

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She asks the Lord to be with me, but also with the people who listen, that they do not see me but rather our Heavenly Father, who has blessed me so abundantly.

      My father

      Wow, this is rather difficult. What I remember about my father is that he was warm and gentle. He was the one who always brought laughter into the house and who teased us and tickled us. He laughed often.

      But my father was also very strict with me. He punished me when I was naughty, but I always knew that he did it out of love and that he just wanted the very best for me.

      Over weekends I would pour him a whisky with lots of ice and some water. When he came home for lunch, I’d make him a sandwich and half a cup of black coffee with one sweetenerpill. He usually came home from the office at about five, because he said his family was the most important thing in his life.

      My dad was painstakingly neat. He numbered his shirts so that similar ones would be packed away together. His number-one shirts were the white ones; number-two the coloured ones for the office, and so on. His office was also very neat.

      Shortly before my dad died, he was reading a book, Innie skylte vannie Jirre. When we walked past the lounge, he’d call us to listen to extracts. And he would laugh a deep-belly laugh.

      When my dad watched rugby on television, he argued with the players and the referee when he did not agree with something on the field. When his team won, he’d jump up and down in excitement.

      I sometimes wish I was more like my dad who could tease people and crack jokes, but I’m not like that. My dad was the warmest, most loving and most gentle person. I will never forget him.

      Uncle Sam

      At first I found it very difficult to accept Sam du Plessis as my second father, but I also knew that he would never try to take the place of my real dad. The only thing that was important to me was that he made my mother happy.

      Uncle Sam’s wife, Lana, died of cancer in 2002. About nine months after my dad died, he started coming to our house. Uncle Sam and my mother’s first “date” was a visit to the Bainsvlei cemetery, where his wife and my father are buried. They were both sad as both of them missed their partners who had died. About five years later, they got married.

      Initially things were not that easy between Uncle Sam’s three daughters – Lizanne, Michelle and Anchen – and the three of us. But then I decided that because Uncle Sam made my mother happy, I would accept him. I invited Michelle for coffee, just the two of us. I wanted to ask her in a nice way whether she and her sisters would please accept us. We had a really good chat that day.

      Over time we’ve all adjusted, and my new sisters accepted me for who I am. We’ve adapted to the new house, and in the past few years we’ve all been getting along well and are very happy. I’ve gained the loveliest three sisters.

      Lizanne has the two cutest little kids. When she and her family stayed with us for a while, we got know each other really well. Sometimes she’d join me in my room for a chat. She was here when I turned 30, and after the party she and Anchen helped my mother clean up. It felt like we were a real family.

      I think Uncle Sam cares for me as if I am one of his own children. We are a happy family, even though my dad and Uncle Sam’s wife have both died. I am always grateful to be part of a happy family. May our Heavenly Father grant other people this wonderful feeling. Better still, may all of us learn to be there for others who need help.

      My sisters

      My mother always used to dress me and my sister Marisa – who is only 21 months younger than I am – the same and tie our hair in ponytails. She always pulled our hair back very tightly.

      Marisa and I did most things together. She mastered her school work easily, while I struggled most of the time. My mother always made me repeat my work. Sometimes I felt like a fool because I struggled so hard, but she explained to me that struggling was part of life. Some people struggle more than others, but that doesn’t matter. As long as they still to do their very best.

      We played with our dolls and we swam. Those were good times. Over time my “twin sister” grew much taller while I grew much more slowly. Now Marisa has left home and is married. She and her husband, Pieter Steyn, have a little boy, Josua, and a baby girl, who was born in April 2017. Mia Shéri is named after our father (his first name was Jeremia) and me. It is the greatest honour. It was very hard for me when Marisa left home. But I know that she is very happy in London and that her husband makes her happy. Although I am happy for her, I still miss her every day.

      When my youngest sister was born, I was so excited. When my mom came home from hospital with little Suzette, I had on a pink dress and Marisa a green one. My dad was carrying a grey carry-cot with the most beautiful little sister in it, fast asleep.

      When Suzette, or Zettie as we call her, was bigger, we’d put her in a box full of toys. She loved sitting there among the toys. At school she took part in many activities, just like Marisa. She started playing the violin and later the piano. After that came the school choir, the Bloemfontein Children’s Choir, hockey and tennis.

      After matric Zettie studied quantity surveying. Bit then she decided that it wasn’t what she wanted to do. She wanted to help people instead. But my mother told her that she had to complete her degree. After graduating, she moved to Cape Town to study speech therapy. This is what she does now. I miss her terribly, but I’ve flown to Cape Town on my own to visit her and her family. I just loved being able to fly there all on my own. Zettie and her husband moved to Johannesburg at the end of 2016, so now they live slightly closer to us.

      Maybe my sisters should tell you how they experience me as their big sister.

      Marisa

      People hardly ever made negative remarks about Shéri, that I’m aware of. Maybe the reason was that my mother brought us up to believe that being different was something positive. We demonstrated that belief – for us Down Syndrome had no negative connotations – and I think people around us followed our example. I also think they knew how much we loved our sister. They wouldn’t dare say anything negative about her in front of us.

      I remember one holiday when we visited family in Cape Town. Shéri and I were in primary school, I was about ten or eleven. One day we were playing outside with a group of kids, most of whom were English-speaking. We only spoke Afrikaans at home. So, although I could understand English, I didn’t really know the language that well.

      One of the boys made the mistake of saying that Shéri was “retarded”. I was beside myself with anger. I didn’t really know what the word meant – I’d probably heard it in movies, where it’s said to mock someone. I just assumed that he was being nasty. I went into such a fighting frenzy that the grown-ups came to see what was happening.

      My mother always handled these kinds of situations very calmly. She asked me what was wrong about saying that Shéri was “retarded”. Because it’s the truth. It really took the wind out of my sails. I tried to explain that this was not the way he’d meant it, but I don’t think I succeeded in getting my argument across. Even now it upsets me to think about that boy who had the audacity to say something nasty about my sister.

      The only other incident I can remember (and only because my mother reminded me of it), was something that happened at choir practice. Suzette and I were both members of the Bloemfontein Children’s Choir, and we spent hours and hours at choir practice. Our friends at the choir became like family.

      Most people who grew up in the 1980s and 1990s will remember the TV series, Môre is nog ’n dag, with Chris Burke who played Corky. He had Down Syndrome and was Shéri’s hero and role model. Our family enjoyed the series. I could identify with Becca, Corky’s sister in the series, and I’m sure my parents could identify with some of the things that Corky’s parents had to deal with. Shéri always said her biggest dream was to meet Corky some day. Or to act in a TV series!

      When some of the choir kids started calling one another “Corkies”, I was very upset. They said it when someone was thoughtless or did something really stupid. I didn’t know how to handle it.

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