Those Forty Days - Samir Chatterjee

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My mother always thought and believed that I came back to her as a gift from her deity ‘Adya Ma’ in response to her dedicated prayer. So, apart from detecting my talent and inspiring me to pursue it, nothing was imposed upon me. At age eleven I was sent to the boarding school in Narendrapur run by an organization called Ramakrishna Mission. It is on the suburb of Kolkata. I stayed there for eleven valuable years of my life, until the completion of my undergraduate degree. Living in that institution, I had to follow their daily routine, in which there was no time slot left open for personal pursuit. The teachers, my friends and the Sanyasis or ascetics were always encouraging my special talent and they still remember me for that. But, I had no opportunity and environment to practice for such long duration of time in isolation. May be I did, during the vacations, had I decided to stay on campus. But, my parents expected me home. I also wanted to be home, with my mother and other members of the family. At that point I also didn’t expect Tabla to become my profession. I was all into academics.

      On graduation, I came back home and started my masters at the University of Calcutta. I had set up myself for a comprehensive experience of life, ‘leaving no stone unturned’. I had already started clay-modeling, leather craft, weaving, knitting, carpentry and painting. Now I added singing and the study of languages to them. I also wanted to earn my own expenses through tuition. So, in spite of being home, I was out most of the days. And, I also had to deal with the Calcutta traffic, although I made good use of those times in the bus by reading. So, my days were full.

      Transitioning from high school into college, I started having my experiences of love in its depth and expansion at the same time. There were ecstatic moments of romance leading into breathlessness, absoluteness and numbness. Those were indeed very precious. I hope no one has to leave life without having those experiences. My romanticism matured into marriage at the age of twenty four. Before that I got into a job with the national radio of India known as All India Radio, for which I had to be stationed in Cuttack, Orissa – an eight-hour train ride from Calcutta. In Cuttack I had plenty of time, because life was super slow and the radio administration didn’t know how to utilize my talent and caliber. All day I was sitting idle, only except for a few days in the year, when they had a recording of classical music. But, from Monday through Friday I had to be in the office from 10 am until 5 pm. If I found a studio vacant, I practiced, because I loved to. But, even then I wasn’t sure that I was going to end up becoming a professional musician. I made several attempts to quit that job, and the higher authorities played games to prevent me from doing so. I don’t know what they saw in me. Obviously, it has yielded good results, as far as I can see.

      After two and half years of semi-exile, I was transferred back to work at the Calcutta station of All India Radio. Somehow, I became popular to many artists and administrators. They were happy to have me back in the city. Once again, I really don’t know what they found in me. I was asked to manage most of the day-to-day administrative affairs of the music department, even though my appointment was as a musician. I was touring with Nikhil Banerjee, Ali Ahmed Hussain and several other stalwart and upcoming musicians. Time flew; in the midst of all those stormy days, I held on to my love for practice and it kept on growing within me.

      I am a hardworking person with a lot of will and determination. I am rational and emotional at the same time – the way I always wanted to be. My emotions and rationality are on lease. I release and contract them at will. I have been able to do this through years of practice. There are moments when I don’t hesitate to let my emotions and impulses take over. Then there are also moments when I invite and engage all aspects of my mind to have a discussion. I allow them the time they need. I am sensitive and careful. I know how to monitor myself. I didn’t always need my Gurus, parents or elders for everything. Occasionally, I would go up to them for insight and guidance. But, I have been always aware that there are lots of things in life which I have to figure out by myself. I also know that certain things in life need to be earned. If one is able to envision them and aspire for them, they need to be pursued with a lot of diligence and discipline. Diligence and discipline, for the most part, are genetic. It helps a lot if they are inherited. Much of them can also be acquired from environment or by following influential examples, such as teachers, role models and Gurus. But, to benefit from those surroundings, there needs to be some amount of inner motivation; even a little would help.

      The purpose of this austerity for me is not to enhance skill, but to seek insight, which can come only through involvement.

      In preparation

      It is 12.39 am on July 10th. In two days I shall be entering that room of isolation for forty days, to practice as long as I am awake. The only reasons I might stop would be to use the restroom, take a bite or a short nap. In all of these three excuses, the urges will go through multiple levels of verification before being addressed. There will be no indulgence of any kind. It is called the Chilla.

      I became familiar with this discipline of practicing music much earlier in my life and always felt fascinated by the concept. But, as I said earlier, I could never manage the time and determination together to actually do it. I have done something similar, practicing continuously for several hours and days. But, it has never been for forty days. When I started developing the urge to do it, my life kept on becoming busier and busier, dedicated to fulfilling the wish of the Supreme. Through advanced planning, which also called for making sacrifices, I was finally able to isolate these forty days from my schedule of activities. Other than time and determination, there was another obstacle - my body. Chilla is recommended to be done within the early part of life, not exceeding the age of thirty. It is imaginably extremely demanding on physical and mental abilities. My body has been in use for sixty one years. It is not young and fresh anymore, as required for such austerity. It has its wear and tear, discomforts and pains. In spite of all of those issues, last summer going through the Ayurvedic intense cleansing process called Pancha-Karma, I got an affirmation from the treating doctors that my body was younger than it normally is at my age. So, without any further hesitation, I blocked this period of time.

      The choice of place happened in a miraculous yet natural way. Initially, I thought of doing it in my new apartment in Sodepur, part of the new extended territories of Kolkata, India. In addition to the isolation, there is also a very dependable support system. But, during the initiation ceremony of Alexander Naylor, Todd Miller, Tripp Dudley and Aditya Phatak on February 13th of this year, which was the day of Saraswati Puja*, I came to know Alexander's mother Dr. Magdalena Naylor a little better than before. I had met Magdalena twice before. The first meeting was in Dartmouth, New Hampshire with her husband Thomas. At that time Alexander and I were just growing acquaintance.

      * Saraswati is the Indian goddess of knowledge, wisdom and all kinds of artistic pursuit, including music. Puja is the Indian word for worship. The day of Saraswati Puja is considered auspicious for initiation.

      The second time was in New York City when we went for lunch to a Greek restaurant. This was after Thomas’s untimely death. On both occasions I couldn’t fail to notice her stand-alone individuality, which could be somewhat embarrassing to her immediate family. She appeared to me as a radiant energy of positivity. During the initiation ceremony in my house in Nutley, NJ I got to see some other aspects of her – her loving, caring and selfless service-oriented mentality. Some of these may be somewhat attributed to her Polish origin. But, she is a tad more than that. When she genuinely invited me to her place saying that her house is practically empty, it occurred to me that this would be an ideal place. What further added to the appropriateness of the venue is the weather in Burlington, Vermont, which will be much more favorable than the weather in Kolkata during these months.

      Since May 28th, the first day of this year's three-day long Annual Tabla Ashram*, I have been finally preparing for it - sitting and practicing for long duration of time, keeping hunger waiting beyond the usual wait time and treating sleep more as nap. And, there were some other abstinences too. Observing these for more than a month, I have been feeling increasingly lighter and ready for it. I am hoping the transition will be relatively smooth.

      * Ashram is a Sanskrit word for hermitage. And, the Annual Tabla Ashram is a gathering of musicians to learn and practice tabla in an unbroken spell of time. This year it was held for three days, from 9 am until 9 pm.

      Tonight

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