LITMIR.BIZ

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wanted to reach out to wish you strength and to let you know you have another person in your corner.

       Take care,

       Jill (mom of a 2nd grader)

      We’d never met Jill, but her note had an unexpected effect on me. I felt energized, like something vital had been revived, and I have to believe it had something to do with the fact that Jill was a relative stranger. Love from our loved ones and strangers—it’s pretty overwhelming.

      Here are some things you can do to let others know you’re thinking of them:

       Do something small

      We usually have a good idea of who could use some support, but we’re often hesitant to do something. Maybe we don’t know what to do, we think the person doesn’t want the attention, we think we don’t know them well enough, or we believe others have already reached out. Don’t worry about any of that. When we let them know that we see them and we’re thinking about them, it’s appreciated. Beth Hackett, who lost her fifteen-year-old son, told Upworthy, “The most powerful communication of compassion and understanding was anonymous. Someone mailed us a gift card to the local grocery store: no name, no return address. . . . Weeks later when I pulled the gift card out of my wallet at the checkout, it was all I could do to hold back the tears.”

       Do something specific

      We can ask, “What can I do for you?” or say, “Let me know if you need something,” but when Mia was sick, I found it hard to even know what I needed. So it was wonderful when someone went ahead and did something without our asking. For example, neighbors shoveled our snow and friends dropped off meals. You can also make a specific offer: “Can I take your kids to the zoo one day this week after school? You might not need it this week, so take me up on it anytime. I’d love to do it.” If you want to do more, you could add, “I’d also love to be given a job to do, so please reach out if one comes up.”

       Go all out

      If you think something bigger would be welcome, go for it. We loved it when people went over the top. Here’s a note Mia received from her crafting friends:

       I just wanted to give you a heads-up that your craft ladies would like to cover you on the activity front—we are hatching a plan to create a variety of different craft kits for you to do in the hospital— and if company sounds appealing, the ladies and I would also love to make a visit early on to help craft and decorate. Carolyn has an elaborate idea about stenciling the windows. We could be your knitting circle on crack.

       Think it over and let me know if that sounds appealing. If you don’t want a home-decorating invasion, then you can just have the craft boxes, which will rock regardless.

      The craft group wound up swooping in like the crew from Queer Eye to give Mia’s hospital room a design makeover, which cheered her up and led to many enjoyable conversations with nurses who stopped by to check it out.

      And our friends John and Kelly and their daughter, Fi, didn’t just send Mia a care package—they sent her a fully decorated box crammed with stuff. More than we really needed yet exactly what we needed.

       Schedule ongoing reminders

      I’m convinced our friends Matt and Meg and my Aunt Leslie put recurring reminders on their calendars, because they reached out practically every week of Mia’s treatment. Often, there’s an outpouring of support soon after a diagnosis, a death, a divorce, or some other traumatic life event, but the support tends to taper off before too long. Meanwhile, the stress and the challenges continue, making check-ins over time greatly appreciated. And the support can be simple. Instead of asking about Mia’s health, my Aunt Leslie sent a funny card every couple of weeks with a note about what was going on in her life. She didn’t need to say anything else—we knew she was there for us.

       Keep an eye out in your community

      Kindness can extend beyond family and friends. Even if you hardly know someone, you can be a great source of support. When youth director Adeel Ahmad arrived at Nusrat Mosque in Coon Rapids, Minnesota, in February 2017—a time when hostility toward Muslims was growing in America—he found that someone had tied a large paper heart to the plants outside the door. Next to it was a pink envelope addressed to “Our Friends and Neighbors.” Inside, the note read: “Dear Friends, Thank you for being here. You make all of us stronger, better and kinder. May peace be with us all.”

      Who can you send a note to?

       Think like Santa

      Give gifts to people you don’t know. Let them know that someone out there cares about them even if they’ve never met you. In the HumanKind Hall of Fame at the end of this book, I’ve listed six organizations through which you can give gifts to kids who otherwise wouldn’t receive any, to troops and to other people you don’t know. (See page 204.)

      ..................

      I can’t stress this enough: when someone is going through a crisis, emotions are magnified and even the smallest acts have tremendous power. Don’t underestimate the strength you can provide with a two-minute gesture like a text, an email or a phone call.

      TAKE FIFTEEN MINUTES TO . . .

      Who do you know who could use a lift? Write their names on a piece of paper or type them into your phone. How will you let them know you’re thinking about them? You can send a text, a gift card, a book, or anything else you think they’d appreciate. If you don’t have time to do something now, mark the dates on your calendar when you’ll send your support to the people on your list.

       CHAPTER

       2

      THE ROLE OF A LIFETIME

      “Your life is an occasion. Rise to it.”

       —MR. MAGORIUM IN THE MOVIE

       MR. MAGORIUM’S WONDER EMPORIUM

      ONE DAY, my friend Tony and his five-year-old daughter, Maya, were driving through Northern California when she pointed to a woman standing on the sidewalk.

      “Why is that lady standing on the corner with a sign?” she asked.

      “She’s homeless and asking for food,” Tony said.

      “Why don’t we get her food?”

      The question caught Tony off guard. Why didn’t they get her food?

      “I told Maya it was important to care about people, and I also thought of myself as a helper. Yet I was far from helping. So I did the only thing I could: I stopped the car and gave her my lunch.”

      Gaunt and bundled up under many layers, the woman gave him a big smile. “Thank you, and God bless you and your beautiful daughter.”

      “It had been in my face my entire life, so I grew not to see it,” Tony says. “The problem seemed so vast that the question of how to make a difference seemed too complicated to solve. The easiest thing to do was not to respond. I feared that if I gave money, they might use it the wrong way. I had forgotten that they were people. It’s so obvious, but I needed a five-year-old to show me that each homeless person is an individual. Maya knew that, and I needed to be reminded so I could be the person I wanted to be. I can’t look past people because of my fears that they might not use the money the way they should. I need to at least make eye contact with people who are homeless and acknowledge them and see if I can do something to help.”

      Hearing Tony’s story made me cringe as I thought about how often I’d passed by homeless people, often with Jack by my side, without even acknowledging them. I didn’t want to be that person. I thought of myself as a helper and I’ve always told Jack how important it is to be kind, but Maya’s question reinforced

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