Single Wife Trapped Husband. Freda Milton. Личностный рост. . Читать онлайн. Литмир. LITMIR.BIZ

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Acknowledgements

I am very grateful God has given me the gift of wisdom. I also thank my mother, Margaret Wooten, my clients and my sisters and friends for sharing their time and personal information with me.

Introduction

We woo our potential partners as we date one another. Going to the movies, skating, bowling or hiking becomes the norm. Some couples look forward to going on nature walks through the park and vacationing. As a result of the intimacy dating creates -we fall in love and commit to marriage/long-term relationships.

The puzzling question is; what happens to all the actions of love and dating after a few years of commitment? There are little to no dates, the butterflies fly away and the walks through the park become a distant memory. There are a variety of reasons why couples break up/divorce. Single Wife, Trapped Husband provides a snapshot of the common issues that destroy fifty percent of marriages/long-term relationships. No two people are exactly alike, which means no two couples are exactly alike. However, there are basic expectations and skills each of us possess that either help us maintain meaningful relationships or destroy them.

Researchers have identified the most common reasons couples divorce. A recent national survey noted the most common reasons given for divorce were, “lack of commitment (73%), too much arguing (56%), infidelity (55%), marrying too young (46%), unrealistic expectations (45%), lack of equality in the relationship (44%), lack of preparation for marriage (41%), and abuse (29%). Respondents often provided more than one reason, so the percentages add up to more than 100%. (www.divorce.usu.edu/files/uploads/Lesson3.pdf)

During my professional and personal experience, I find many women often feel single because their partners do not meet many of their needs and men feel trapped during decision making times. Many men assert that their partners send mixed messages, which makes it difficult to please their partners. Coincidently, both arguments are valid. Sharing our lives with another person can be one of the most challenging, yet rewarding experiences life offers.

It is my hope that each couple reading this book is inspired to honor their commitment. I believe we can prevent, manage and ultimately overcome many of our problems once we truly understand ourselves and our partners. I speak to you and with you, utilizing anonymous scenarios from clients, family and friends. Each scenario is specific and may not pertain to your experience but the categories of scenarios are relevant in all of our lives. Therefore, it is wise to take the opportunity to dialogue about each scenario as it relates to your relationship. Ask one another can you relate to one of the partners feelings? Are there other solutions that address the issues? How would you all handle the problem? Asking one another such questions creates awareness of one another’s interest and needs, as well as increases the line of communication.

Please note the names are fictitious and the information is presented using general information. The goal of the coaching commentaries at the end of each scenario is to gain insight regarding the importance of understanding our partner’s thought process and emotional needs.

Do you desire to be a part of one of the greatest experiences of all time? Marriage, a union that involves sharing, loving, respecting, forgiving, servicing and sacrificing for the one person we CHOOSE to love unconditionally. Do not give up! You are on your way to a beautiful, loving and supportive relationship.

Prelude

(And this is how some of us imagine meeting our mates).

Butter Flies

David: My God! Who is that lady? I must ask her out immediately before someone else captures her attention. She is so beautiful! My heart pounds with every stride she takes. She's so assertive and direct, yet gentle and sweet. Her locks are like that of a queen. She dresses like royalty and blooms like a flower. I must find my way to her.

Jillian: Why do I feel compelled to go near that man? I must place myself in his presence before someone else captures his eye. He is so courageous! Look at him demand the attention of the audience. I admire his confidence. Wow! His audience stands on his every word as he tends to each of their individual needs.

Coaching Commentary

You guessed the next step. David asks Jillian for a date, she gladly accepts, they marry and live a life of happiness. After all, they have such amazing chemistry, friendship and love. And love produces honesty, sacrifice, and devotion.

But, love does not conquer situations rooted in fear, resentment, anger, hopelessness, et cetera. All of which are exposed while trying to relate to someone else. Initially David and Jillian struggle to survive their differences. Let's take a look at several common scenarios which hinders love from operating at its best.

Scenario 1

Values and Expectations

Values are the ideas that are important to us. Freedom to express ourselves is an example of a value. Knowing our values helps us understand our behaviors. As such, understanding our partner's values can help predict their actions. It is very beneficial to consider our partners values prior to entering a marriage/long-term relationship. Let's take a look at a financial, emotional and spiritual example of using values to assist in the decision making process.

Purchasing Power

William and Stacy agree to purchase a larger home. William would like to work extra hours to assist with the down payment. But Stacy believes working extra hours will cause too much stress and hinder family time. Stacey’s solution is that William waits for a job promotion. William asserts he will only work extra hours during the weekdays. But Stacy does not want to be the primary caretaker for the house all week and she doesn't believe William will fulfill his responsibilities on the weekend if he is tired. What should William and Stacy do?

Let's take a look at their values. It appears William values hard work and short term planning, Whereas, Stacy values practicality and time. Fortunately, a decision can be made despite their reservations and differences.

Coaching Commentary

I recommend assessing whether or not each strategy leads to accomplishing the goal. Their values can be used to assist with the assessment. In this instance, William strongly values hard work and upward mobility. Their goal is to purchase a new home and he will work hard for it. He also agrees to balance his time in order to be emotionally and physically available for the family. Thus, Stacey should consider giving her blessing and believe William will uphold his end of the bargain. In doing so, William feels trusted and if he holds his end of the bargain, their dream home will be purchased.

However, it may be best to try Stacey's approach if either of them discovers the stress is too much. Keep in mind it is not unrealistic if William does not consent to Stacy's idea. Most of us have difficulty letting go of our way of doing things. But someone has to "win" right? In either case, William or Stacey may end up resenting the "winner.” For Stacey, William's plan will be categorized as the time he did not cooperate. I propose a more proactive way of thinking, where Stacy categorizes the situation as the time

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