Wonderful Ways to Love a Child - Judy Ford

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Delight in Silliness

       Splash a Lot

       Giggle

       Keep Messes in Perspective

       Enjoy Dinner Together

       Brag About Them

       Generate Family Festivals

       Thank Them for the Little Things

       Esprit

       Focus on the Joy They Bring

       Believe in Possibilities

       Open Up to the Miracle of Transformation

       Remember That They Have Not Been on the Earth Very Long

       Marvel at How They Are Growing

       Let Them Help

       Cherish the Innocence

       Listen for the Spiritual Language

       Build Family-Friendly Neighborhoods

       Let Go When It’s Time

       Let Them Come Back

       Show Them Compassion and Ask for Theirs

       Protect All Children

       Keep Them in Your Hearts and in Your Prayers

       Acknowledgments

       About the Author

      I don’t remember much from my childhood. At least, I don’t remember my childhood with the same clarity as my days as an active high school student or my years as a coed living in the dorms. My memories of life before age thirteen are fuzzy. Exacts and specifics elude me, and instead random, unconnected images flash occasionally in my mind like a poorly organized photo album. For example, I do remember the name of my first grade teacher, but I don’t remember who I played with at recess, where I sat in the classroom, or what I learned that year. I also remember crying in the second grade because my best friend hurt my feelings, but I can’t, no matter how hard I try, remember exactly what she did. Amid all these unclear and incomplete images, however, are a few standout events that I remember as precisely as if they happened yesterday. And there is one in particular that is my favorite.

      I was eight years old and my mom and I were driving home after a day of running errands. We had had a wonderful time together going to the pharmacy, picking up the dry cleaning, and browsing the bookshop. Just before we reached our neighborhood my mom said, “I hope you and I can always have fun together.” When I asked her why we might not, she explained that sometimes mothers and daughters fought, that sometimes, as daughters grew up, mothers and daughters grew apart.

      Then, with sincerity, my mom told me, “No matter what, I want us to always have a good relationship.”

      Immediately I understood what my mom meant. It wasn’t that she hoped we’d never have a fight; it was much more than that. She knew we would hit rough spots in our relationship, that we wouldn’t always agree, that I wouldn’t always want her around, that running errands together on a Sunday wouldn’t always be as carefree as they were that day. What my mom meant was that she was willing to work through those difficult times, willing to fight it out, willing to give it her all to cultivate a loving mother-daughter relationship.

      Watching my mother, I have learned that being a wonderful parent and developing an exceptional relationship with a child is an act of choice. I’ve often heard stressed-out mothers say to my mom, “You’re just lucky, that’s why you and your daughter get along. If you had my wild kid, you would be miserable.” Statements like these aren’t true. A person doesn’t become a good parent by chance, and a baby doesn’t become a good child by luck. My mom often repeats a quote from Jackie Kennedy Onassis: “If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do matters very much.” Early in her life as a parent, my mom decided that she was going to succeed. She made an aware, conscious, and thoughtful choice to make raising me, her daughter, her number one priority.

      My mom has said to me, “I may have failed in many areas of my life, but in raising you I succeeded.” As her daughter, I must agree. My childhood was an absolute success! Now as I begin my adult life, my relationship with my mom continues strong, just as she’d always hoped it would.

      Wonderful Ways to Love a Child is a blessing for both parents and children. The words are heartfelt, the stories are true, and the advice can help every family have a success story of their own. Wonderful Ways to Love a Child is a beautiful guide to aid parents in cultivating love, understanding, respect, and kindness in the most important relationship they will ever have—the one with their child.

      —Amanda Ford

      It is not enough to feel love for your child, you must be able to express your love through your actions.

      Loving your child is simple and perplexing—you can’t just feel it, you’ve got to show it! Feeling love in your heart for your child is not enough—to love your baby, your toddler, your adolescent through all the stages and phases of childhood requires that you express your love through your loving actions; and, as you probably already know, it’s a lifetime commitment that requires your energy, demands lots of work, and calls you to rise above your own conditioning and preconceived notions. You will have to grow to your highest calling. You will have to be always mindful of what you say and do since you are the most important person in your child’s life and in your heart you know that how you treat your child each and every moment does matter.

      Your loving actions are needed from the instant you bring your baby into the world and forever after. Madeline and Dave take turns getting up at night, doing the laundry, cooking the meals, and changing the diapers. In just one month with a baby at home, their lives have changed considerably—no more sleeping in, no more leisurely showers, no more gourmet brunches or spontaneous outings. But as they put aside their own needs and desires to care for their newborn, Madeline and Dave are discovering that it is through their loving actions that their lives are enriched. Quickly they are learning what many parents before them have learned—that you can’t be selfish, self-centered, or lazy if you want to take loving care of your child; you will be called on to perform many mundane tasks of child rearing, many of which aren’t all that fun, but when you do them anyway, because your child needs you to, you are taking right and loving action and the bond between you grows stronger. Madeline and Dave are learning, as you will too, that parenting requires continuous adjustment and loving actions, even when you are too tired to feel much love.

      As a parent, a family counselor, and human relations consultant for more than twenty years, I have met hundreds of parents who’ve insisted, “I love my child,” and although I believe they felt love, I sometimes couldn’t tell it by their actions. Unknowingly and unintentionally they would criticize and undermine the child’s spirit—it was as though they weren’t paying attention to what they were doing. It wasn’t that they were bad people, they just hadn’t learned how to turn their love into daily action, hadn’t put themselves in their children’s shoes.

      In the parenting classes I teach, parents continually ask how to create strong, nurturing families. They ask how to raise children with high self-esteem, how to laugh, lighten up, and have fun in the process. I meet hundreds of parents and children who desperately want to love and enjoy one another; and even though there are thousands of books on parenting filled with myriad tips and techniques, the parents I talk with want something different.

      Perhaps because we are all so busy, tired,

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