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Self-Acceptance. Victor Ashear
Читать онлайн.Название Self-Acceptance
Год выпуска 0
isbn 9781937612924
Автор произведения Victor Ashear
Жанр Журналы
Издательство Ingram
After so much hardship, and with so much uncertainty ahead of me, I finally crumbled. I cried out to my father, begging him to rescue me, to pull me mercifully from the void of anesthesia into his new world, where I could rest easy with him, free of physical and emotional misery. I told my husband, my closest friends, and my therapist that I yearned for the convenience of death on the operating table, not for dramatic effect, but so that if my father did come to guide me home, they would take some measure of comfort in knowing I was ready.
As the former suicide prevention coordinator for my community, I possessed the training to recognize that I was passively suicidal, but I just didn’t care. I was tired of physical pain, tired of my anxiety and depression, tired of being tired.
When I came to after my surgery, I felt both disappointed and grateful that I survived: I still longed for my father, and I dreaded continuing to live in pain, but I felt a small spark of hope that I might enjoy life again. Since then, I have continued to grieve my father on my own terms. Under the care of a naturopathic doctor in Billings, I have undergone unpleasant but successful prolotherapy treatments on my ligaments, and I have resumed running. That same doctor has helped me manage my hormone replacement therapy, and she diagnosed me with a thyroid disorder, which very likely has played a role in my depression. Treatment for that condition is proving effective, and after a long weaning process, I discontinued Wellbutrin. I take care to monitor how much responsibility I take on in all aspects of my life, and although I am not religious in the traditional sense, I have made a practice of daily prayer, which has made a positive difference.
Last but not least, going through the process of working this workbook has provided me with the opportunity to take my recovery to a new level. For one thing, sharing my story and my responses to the enclosed exercises to help you and others boosts my self-esteem. For another, the exercises have reinforced the positive strategies I previously used to cope with my struggles. I have also gained new insights, particularly understanding and acceptance of my limitations, and I am developing new coping mechanisms, most notably the ability to treat myself with the same gentleness I would extend to anyone else suffering from physical, emotional, or mental pain.
To my fellow phoenixes, this workbook will challenge you, but if you see it through, the thundering of your wing beats will soon fill your ears as you soar higher than you ever imagined. Warm wishes to you as you embark on this leg of your journey.
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