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Baptized Rage, Transformed Grief. Cheryl A. Kirk-Duggan
Читать онлайн.Название Baptized Rage, Transformed Grief
Год выпуска 0
isbn 9781532636141
Автор произведения Cheryl A. Kirk-Duggan
Жанр Религия: прочее
Издательство Ingram
One morning on the way to work I saw a deer; it had frozen in the middle of the street, and I waited patiently for it to pass. Getting anxious or blowing the horn would have only made the deer more nervous and it probably would not have moved as quickly. The sound of the horn may have traumatized the deer. Sometimes we are like deer. Sometimes we freeze when the bright lights of crisis, change, and difficulty pierce our reality. Sometimes, like deer, we eventually do move on; at other times, we get stuck in the quick sand of difficult challenges, and we remain there, especially if we do not have a community of accountability around us, to help us come back to a more balanced view of life.
During this period, I also wrote about my anger at society for viewing educational institutions, especially the soft sciences as peripheral. People entrusted with nursery schools, day care, kindergarten, and elementary schools have to purchase their own supplies and remain underpaid. There could be no successful careers and businesses without strong foundations, but those who help to provide those foundations are devalued and compensated poorly. I also realized my anger at folks who create programs but fail to work out a substantial funding apparatus across the years. The rule of thumb is that you need three to five years of capital when beginning any venture, because it will take that long before you can turn a profit. Unfortunately, many visionaries have poor business sense; consequently, many of those who work in the nonprofit sector work too hard and are often grossly underpaid. In faith communities and in higher education, there are so many incompetent people that have advanced amid the Peter Principle. They have been elevated to the height of their incompetence. Seems some of the hardest working, most talented people get the most hassles, and those that worm their way into positions ride on the coattails of those who really care and work really hard.
During that season, my daily prayer was to become aware of my emotional issues and to be able to continue to see where my anger exists. I began to reflect more on anger, research it, and took an anger management training course. One of my prayers was to be able to release more anger, and to be able to use my anger creatively. I had come to recognize that anger, like any other emotion, is not good or bad, it just is. I also recognized that sometimes when anger does exist, one may or may not be aware of it, for it may be buried underneath great hurt, grief, and loss. As I peeled back the onion of my life, I began to see that there was a place where anger and grief, betrayal and loss were intimately connected.
Who knows why there are certain issues in our lives that are hard to release? When we first got married, with school and familial financial obligations, it seemed the wrong time to think about children. Later, when we did try, our attempts seemed futile. I had lots of support dealing with our inability to conceive. Then we gave up; we realized that we would not have the blessings of giving birth to children. Then an astonishing thing happened: September, 1994, we were pregnant; unbelievable! As this was the time before everyone had home computers and internet access, we phoned and faxed everyone our great news. We were so thrilled, so delighted.
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